Chapter 5: To The Rescue

LAR SceneArt by EricIzMine

Like A Rock

Chapter 5

To The Rescue


The first part of the bigger picture to occur to me was that a trial wouldn’t have a positive impact on my standing in Sookie’s life… Yes, it occurred to me that being scandalized in newspapers would be a PR disaster, and the Queen would not be pleased, but… Sookie couldn’t justify staying in contact with me if I was Public Enemy #1.

Unfortunately, it didn’t seem like I was dealing with geniuses… Scare tactics with a Vampire? Really?

Not that I thought it would make a difference, but I argued, “Her companions indicated that I fed from her. Did they neglect to mention that my meal walked out of Fangtasia?”

“Are you denying that you fed from her?”

“No. It’s entirely possible. My meal didn’t offer her name last night.”

“It’s kind of difficult to speak with someone’s hands around your throat, Sheriff.”

“I’ve heard, but I didn’t touch my meal above the elbows.”

“Did you have intercourse with Miss Rohan in the process of feeding from her?”

“No. I meant from her hands to her elbows, specifically her wrists.”

“If you can’t be sure if your dinner and the victim are the same individual, how can you be so sure you didn’t have intercourse with someone named Samantha Rohan last night?”

“Because I was on my best behavior last night.”

‘She’ huffed out a deep breath and sneered, “We’d like you to come down to the station with us to file a formal statement.”

“And if I refuse, I’ll be threatened with an obstruction of justice charge.”

‘She’ shrugged. “It sounds like you’re used to this.”

“Yes, I’m quite familiar with arrogant cops barking up the wrong tree and allowing trails to grow cold. Your labs haven’t even had time to process any evidence yet. It takes days.”

“Which is why we’re taking statements now.”

Right. Because I was expected to believe they weren’t jumping on the first lead they tripped over.

Colonel Mustard swung her arm out towards the cruiser as though she was inviting me to waltz.

“There’s nothing wrong with my car.”

“We won’t be able to monitor you to be sure you aren’t establishing an alibi or bribing witnesses if you take your own vehicle, now can we?”

Brilliant. Because, at my age, I’d be so sloppy as to leave a body in the open, with my marking, and witnesses who saw me with the victim… and then fail to establish an alibi before walking into an interrogation.


While the Brown one drove, Nate texted his girlfriend to complain that I was making him miss a date… and then he texted, “You retired too early, old man. You’re missing all the fun. You’ll never guess who I’ve got in custody. Eric Fucking Northman.”

I’d refused to relinquish my cell phone and wallet, allowing them nothing more than holding my keys and reminding the morons that I could reach through the safety gate to take their heads off if the mood struck me. My keys? Because that could make the difference between life and death for them?

The She-Walrus might have had an excuse, but the Were shouldn’t have suffered any delusions about a Vampire’s strength.

I was led through the bowels of the police station to a ‘conference room’ that looked like a campy cop-drama set. Flickering fluorescent lights, metal table and chairs, and a two-way mirror… If the white cube was meant to be a conference room, Caddo Police needed a new decorator.

I was given a pen and a stack of paper and, because everything else wasn’t cliché enough, they left me in the room alone to ‘start drafting my statement’…

I spent a whole four minutes writing my statement…

The next twenty minutes I spent considering calling Sookie, but I couldn’t think of a casual way to explain I was being accused of a rape/homicide.

And I spent the next hour after that wondering why Sookie hadn’t called me with my exit strategy… considering how busy she’d been during the day, I didn’t read into her reasons for not calling. I calmed myself by trying to guess what she fell to sleep reading.

The funny thing about two-way mirrors is that they’re only semi-opaque to Vampires… Even when the room on the other side was dark, subtle silhouettes were still visible.

The She-Walrus and Rin Tin Tin were taking their dinner break and watching me. They had company, but whatever they were whispering between the five of them was a mystery other than the occasional quiet hiss or grumble. But I’d clearly been under the fluorescent lights long enough for them to affect my sight. Two of the figures in the room could have been mistaken for Pam and Sookie… Or my mind was playing tricks on me and I was imagining the resemblances to Pam (because my detention would offer hours of fun for her), and Sookie (because this particular clusterfuck put the most fun I’d had in ages at risk).


Two hours and thirteen minutes after leaving Sookie, I was finally joined by Detective Androgyny. She waddled into the room to sit across from me and took my statement from the table. She barely looked at it.

“Sorry for the wait. One thing right after another, you know?”

I nodded. “I saw that. Watching you eat sandwiches is like watching a hamster fill its pouches, ya know. Impressive really, since you consumed more volume in one sitting than I do in a week.”

“At least I don’t eat Humans.”

Not yet, but I could easily imagine her being the sole survivor of a plane crash after being stranded in the Andes.

“I don’t eat anything. I tap a self-replenishing source. Unless that mountain of garbage in the bin can regenerate more sandwiches for you, I’m almost positive I’d get the Green vote.”

‘She’ rolled her eyes and snorted, “We aren’t here to talk about eating habits, are we, Northman?”

“I think we are, actually. The only reason I’m here is because I’m a convenient scapegoat.”

“You attacked a woman who was subsequently found dead.”

“I fed from a woman who was coincidentally raped and murdered hours after our encounter. You’re drawing a direct line between three different acts that could have been perpetrated by three different individuals. I fed from a girl, but I neither fucked her nor strangled her. It’s possible for her to have had multiple partners between the time I fed from her and the time she was strangled and, again, unless there is a witness to a struggle of some kind, you can’t prove that the strangler was someone who fucked her… You’re gargantuan, but I’m not accusing you of causing earthquakes… But I’m curious, where were you the evening of October 17, 1989?”

When her nostrils flared, she looked like an animated bull, digging in to charge.

“The girl I fed from had her ears pierced. I’m not responsible for her earrings.”

“Mr. Northman…”

“She had acrylic nails. I’m not responsible for them either.”

“Mr. Northman…”

“Come to think of it, her hair was dyed as well. Are you interviewing her stylist?”

She shouted, “I get it!” with her hand up as a stop.

“Where is your partner? I want to ask him if he picked up on any traces a Vampire was in the victim’s home.”

“Why him?”

Because he could have been able to smell traces if anything Supernatural had been to the crime scene.

“Because he seems more receptive than you do.”

“Mr. Northman, you need to be aware that this interview is being recorded…”

“You should be fine. I doubt anyone will notice an extra ten pounds on you.”

“Is that the best you’ve got? Fat jokes?”

“No. Your mole is next. Does it have a name?”

“After my mole, then what?”

“Ugly jokes, of course. Let me know when you’ve heard them already. I don’t want to waste any time being repetitive. Do you get likeness rights when they carve new gargoyles for churches?”

She huffed, “Let’s go over your statement. Tell me what you did last night.”

“Can you not read my written statement? Gelatinous and ghastly aren’t enough. You’re imbecilic too?”

“I’m listening for inconsistencies.”

“That’s cute… I arrived at Fangtasia last night close to 11PM…”

“What did you do until then?”

“Are you implying that I killed the girl before she went out with her friends?”


“Then you don’t need to know the details of every moment of my evening… I used the back door of Fangtasia, as I usually do. I was in my office long enough to check my email and change…”

“Why change?”

Because my clothes smelled like Sookie and I wanted them to stay that way.

“Because it’s a themed bar. My usual attire, jeans and T-shirts, aren’t in keeping with the Vampire cliché… I changed. I entered the bar. A female in a red corset-dress approached me. I led her back to my office where I fed from her wrist…”

“Why her wrist?”

“She’d covered her face and bust with baby powder to make herself pale and the scent was repellent. She seemed to be imitating the Lucy Westenra adaptation from Bram Stoker’s Dracula… I fed from her wrist and sent her on her way when my child entered the office. I didn’t watch her leave…”

“Did you have intercourse?”

“I already answered that question. No. I was at Fangtasia until 3AM, but the staff can only substantiate that fact until the last one left shortly after two o’clock. I didn’t see the girl I fed from after she left my office. Do you at least have a photo of her so I can confirm if she’s the right girl?”

She nodded. “Better. We have the security footage from your office.”

I had to assume she was trying to scare me.



“Yes. I don’t know the name of my donor. You know what the victim looks like. The video will show me entering my office, feeding from the girl without any opposition on her part, and then releasing the girl because that’s what happened.”

“You actually grabbed her wrists when she tried to touch you. Are you gay?”

“I prefer women. Specifically, I prefer women over whores in costume.”

“Where do you draw that line?”

“Whores beg for attention even though they’ve accomplished nothing. Women don’t have to beg for attention because their accomplishments have already earned respect.”

“And how many women do you know?”

“A handful, perhaps as many as ten, but only two come to mind at the moment.”

“And who are they?”

“None of your fucking concern. They’re out of your league.”

“You’re pretty cocky for someone being accused of rape and murder.”

“I’m actually innocent, so I’m annoyed that my evening has been interrupted.”

She sucked her teeth and sighed, “What did you do until 3AM?”

“I worked. I carried out a few minor tasks in my duties as Sheriff, I also saw to several aspects of my local businesses. And I used my computer to do some research…”

“And then what did you do while Samantha Rohan was being murdered?”

“What time was th-?”

Before I could finish, the door to the ‘conference room’ opened… I was expecting K-9 Cop.

It was Sookie.


My eyes weren’t playing tricks on me after all…

She slid through the doorway shyly, and walked over to sit next to me.

She kissed my cheek and asked, “Miss me?”


I was nodding when Jabba the Cop barked, “Baywatch! Is there something I can do for you?”

Baywatch? Had she seen Sookie in a bikini?

Sookie glanced over, but immediately shifted her eyes to stare at the tabletop. She breathed, “Gorgon.”

I chuckled, “What are you doing here?”

She cringed and turned to sit sideways and shield her eyes from the beast. “Well, a friend of mine called and told me you got picked up. And I didn’t have anything better to do than meddle. I tracked Pam down and we brought the footage from last night to prove your dinner walked out of your office like she’d been crowned Miss America. Oh, did Hootch mention the footage of Samantha Rohan showing off her markings to another guy in the bar?”

She’d already seen the footage and she was still harping? My tax dollars at work.

Fuck. Sookie could have seen the feeding.


“No. She failed to mention that.”

Sookie winked at me and reached for the paper and pen to begin writing.

She quickly scrawled out a message and signed it, but the way she was sitting to avoid being turned to stone kept me from seeing the message.

She shoved the paper across the desk and said, “So, Eric met me at my place of employment just before 8PM last night. We went back to my place and he left shortly before 11PM…”

“What did you do between eight and eleven?”

“We were at my house, hanging out… He came back around three o’clock and stayed until just before dawn. It might be hard for you to believe, but he doesn’t have to roll over twice to get off me.”

Liar. As far as Sookie knew, I could have killed that girl. I could have killed that girl and planned to kill her next. What the fuck was she thinking?

At least Pam had a laugh over the way Sookie implied what we weren’t doing until dawn.

The grotesque argued, “I have a thyroid problem!”

“Yeah? How many do you eat a day?

Keeping a straight face would have been hard enough, but Pam cackled in the hallway.

“I guess you’ve spent your gorgeous life picking on people like me, huh?”

“No. Can’t say I’ve ever come across anyone with absolutely no redeeming qualities. There’s a first time for everything, I guess… Look Shrek, Sheriff Northman has an alibi. We’re done. Chief Easton wants a word with you. Just to give you a heads up, it’s kind of a bad idea to insult and accuse the guy who can help you make headway on a case that actually involves Vampires. You might have some unexpected time off in your future. Maybe you can get a job at Disney as a Quasimodo.”


I followed Sookie to the hallway where Pam and an older gentleman were waiting. Pam raised an eyebrow at me, but she didn’t seem amused by the situation as much as Sookie’s insults to the detective. Sookie hugged the man while he reminded her that she was in debt to him for a pie (of his own) and told her to send his regards to ‘that sweet grandmother’ of hers.

As we walked towards the front of the station house, the man had joined Quasimodo in the ‘conference room’ and started, “The Area Sheriff, Jones! Were you thinking at all?”

Vindicating, yes, but it didn’t make up for the missed time with Sookie or the long explanation Pam was going to expect.

As soon as we were outside, Sookie turned around to walk backwards and explain, “Nate used to be Trey’s partner. He texted him and told him that they had you. Trey was worried something happened to me. Anyway, I played a little phone-tag and got Bobby to get in touch with Pam. I told him to tell her your car was accidently put in the crusher. Pam called me livid. I filled her in. She collected the evidence proving you’re innocent, well, you know what I mean, and I woke up Gran’s DGD flirt-buddy so Chet the Shit gets a come-to-Jesus about playing out of her pay-grade… Sorry about the ruckus, but the video of you feeding from the victim just a few hours before she died would have been enough for an indictment, because a prosecutor could have claimed you made plans to see her later. The tape would have been leaked to the media, and as soon as the press got ahold of that, shit gets uglier than that mole. My God, does she put Miracle Grow on that thing?”


“So Hunter comes by his strategic streak honestly, yes?”

She grinned, but she nibbled her lip. “And you learned a valuable lesson… I’ve never grasped the whole ‘mind your own beeswax’ thing.”

That wasn’t it… She wasn’t interfering. She was raised in a tightknit family who did everything in their power to take care of each other. She was helping. And contacting Pam was inspired.

“Unfortunately, you’ve put yourself in a position to be impeached.”

She stopped walking, waiting for me to close the gap between us so she could whisper, “The ‘with him until dawn’ thing?”

I nodded. “I don’t have an alibi for while the girl was murdered.”

She giggled, “Yeah, ya do. Alcide came over while I had Vampire company. He worried. You have a Fox and two Wolves as your alibi, but they can’t exactly come forward.”

Fucking brilliant.

“He had me followed?”

“No. He just watched my house with a couple of friends to be sure we were safe, but since we’re neighbors… They saw you leave the neighborhood in your ’01 just after you left my house, and return right around three. The funny assholes were scratching on my bedroom door at dawn, wanting showers and breakfast. Alcide’s the ‘better safe than sorry’ type.”

Pam finally offered, “We discussed the actual case while Chief Easton was giving The Creature from the Black Lagoon…”

Sookie giggled, “Good one.”

Pam gave a proud smile and continued, “Giving the Creature a chance to discredit you. She wasn’t interested in hearing about more plausible theories in regards to the killer. Detective Kendall volunteered that he didn’t think you were guilty and he tried telling Jones as much. They interviewed the victim’s friends early in the day and since they were forced to wait until sunset to contact you, she stewed and fantasized an impressive conspiracy. Kendall left a message for the Chief, but he hadn’t checked his messages because he was resting after a road-trip…”

Sookie added, “Vicksburg with Gran.”

Pam continued, “And wasn’t aware of the murder until Sookie contacted him at home. With no experience with investigations, Sookie offered two alternative endings to the girl’s night…”

Pam paused to let Sookie offer, “That she found a booty call after you fed from her and he bolted after a sex-mishap. Neither one of them would be the first to like a throat squeeze and the tox report on Samantha said she was stoned. What are the odds that they discussed safe-words on the way back to her place? And the second option is hate. Strangling is personal. Samantha could have made it home safe and sound, but if a jilted boyfriend came by and saw your bite, he could have flipped his lid. And the scary part of that option is that someone could just hate fangbangers. If someone got it into their head that without fangbangers, God I hate that word, y’all could be starved out of existence, they could be targeting places like Fangtasia for victims.”

Pam smirked and added, “Which is why Chief Easton is planning to call a conference of sorts. He wants to meet with the other Chiefs in your Area to discuss similar crimes and to establish a procedure. I explained that we’re willing to work in accordance with law enforcement on any matter they believe could involve a Vampire perpetrator. I stressed that it was just as much for the safety of the investigators as it was for your ability to maintain order.”

I groaned, “We already did that.”

“Actually, you announced your position in the Area via email, and you sent it to commissioners. Easton never heard of your offer to assist in Vampire related crimes, but now that he watched you try to assist in the investigation even though you were being accused of the crime, he believes it…”

Sookie giggled, “And any friend of Gran’s.”


Pam was making her ‘not going to laugh’ face.

“Pam, go back and leave a message for Easton. Let him know The Palace is at his disposal should he need a venue for his meeting. Let him know I’m willing to review unsolved cases for anything that could involve Vampires and expose the cases I’ve had a hand in. Also missing persons. There haven’t been many brought over from the Area, but I’m sure taking the cases off of the books will go that much further to the cause.”

“An obstruction of justice confession as a good-faith gesture?”

I shrugged. “It’s not as though I committed the crimes and the Vampires in question were executed.”

She shrugged and offered, “Good point,” and left Sookie and me on the sidewalk next to BITE ME.

Sookie pinched her lips and pulled them to the side while she waited for the door to close behind Pam.

“I’m really sorry. I don’t know what kind of lines I crossed by calling her, but in my head, I feel like… the only thing I really have as a model is Weres, so I kinda feel like the interfering Human girlfriend.”

“Don’t be sorry.”

“It’s just, Trey suggested I call Pam if I could because they could deny you that phone call while they try to get search warrants. And you mentioned security cameras in your office and if you fed there, a stupid cop would make the jump between dinner and murder. And… I totally wanted Pam to destroy the videos so you wouldn’t get in trouble for something I know you didn’t have time to do.”

“I’m not angry.” If anything, I was awed that she cared enough to go through the trouble.

“And you said that you don’t keep pets, but Pam does… and Jason and Brandon ribbed me today because I’m seeing you, because I don’t usually date, I just tease them about their flavors of the week… and if she’s gonna tease you for seeing me, I’m sorry.”

“She’ll make plenty of jokes. I’ve endured worse.”

She cringed and mumbled, “When I saw your phone on the table, I thought you might have not called Pam on purpose.”

“I hadn’t. The only thing she could have done was provide the surveillance tapes. The Gorgon would have been sure they were altered… That was my favorite, by the way. Gorgon.”

She cracked a smile. “Trey said Vampires can be held for a week instead of just three days. I would’ve felt horrible if I didn’t at least try to help.”

“And you would have missed me if you went a week without seeing me.”

Suddenly, the penitent behavior stopped…

She narrowed her eyes, knowing I was implying that she was developing an attachment to me, and said, “There is that matter of the ten minutes you owe me.”

Ten minutes.

“The race was canceled.”

“I specifically remember you using the word ‘forfeit’. The bet was first one back to my house wins ten minutes… I was there waaaaay before you were. Are you scared of me or something?”

I nodded. “Terrified.”

She ran her teeth over her bottom lip and gave me a nearly feral look…

Pam left the station again, talking as she approached us. “Message delivered. He graciously accepted. Easton is likable as far as cops go. Sookie, I’m to tell you ‘caramel apple’.”

Sookie giggled, “Got it. Funny story. My brothers and I have been telling Gran she’s dating him for months. She thinks he’s just being nice to ‘an old lady’ because he’s 20 years younger… I think it’s because he’s in great shape for a guy his age…”

Pam scoffed, “Once you’re that old, fuck numbers. You’re lucky to talk without dropping your teeth.”

“That’s what we’ve been telling her. His kids are only in their 30s and his first great-grandbaby is just learning to walk. It’s not like a May-December thing. They go out for dinner and movies. They like history. Gus raves about her cooking and buys birthday presents for her grandkids…”


“And he was the first person she called when I told her about Willem.”

Pam tilted her head. “What did you tell her about Willem?”

“She was disappointed that I wasn’t in the States during the Civil War… I offered to send a few historically relevant interview questions his way.”

She nodded. “Willem makes sense. He was up to his delicious ass in that to-do… but you know he’ll turn around and tell everyone that you thought he was worthy of fireside tales and then… Connelly, maybe Cornelius, they’ll want to know why their wartime fuckery didn’t rate.”

Yes. As proud as my friends were, it wouldn’t be long before Adele Stackhouse could author an accurate history text.

“We’ll see… I’ll call Mortimer to let him know to expect to hear from Chief Easton…”

Pam nodded. “I’m going to go sharpen a stake for Long Shadow… That fuck-stain told me to go fuck myself when I asked why it didn’t occur to him to call me.”

Sookie didn’t need to hear those details.


Before I could finish, Sookie giggled, “Need an alibi?”

“I’m not sure anyone would believe a sweet little thing like you spent the night with both of us.”

“Sure they will… After we left here, we went back to my place and kicked Eric’s ass at the Disney Edition of Trivial Pursuit. You won both games and left at about 5AM. How’s that?”

Pam chuckled, “Not bad, but we’ll save that for later. I might have to look for the prick.”


“Sookie, what did you say to convince Pam you actually knew me?”

“Well, I started by telling her that you’d been all over my house and she was welcome to come over to confirm that. And I was pissed because I’d just put your trunks in the wash when Trey called…”

Pam added, “When I refused to let myself be ambushed, she told me that you’d gone home to change and that I should be able to find your butterfly costume there. I need to meet that little monster. I think I’d like him.”

I chuckled, “Sookie, did she find her birthday present?”

Sookie licked her lips and shook her head. “Nope. I hid it before she got there.”

When Pam turned and darted for her car, I coached, “Pamela, I rescind your invitation.”

Sookie cringed and pouted, “Pamela, I rescind your invitation… but only because Eric made me.”

Pam growled, “Goodnight. I’m going to arrange my fun for tomorrow night. Don’t get arrested again.”


I didn’t care enough about my car to accept Sookie’s offer to take the detour to Fangtasia so I could get it… I wanted to know what the fuck she had planned for her ten minutes.

Judging by the way Sookie nearly doubled the speed limit on the interstate, I was all the more anxious to get to her house…

The lights were out, the house was completely quiet, and Sookie took the added step of leading me through the back yard to use the patio entrance to her room…

There was a kitchen timer on her nightstand.

As soon as the door was closed behind us, Sookie tossed her purse to the floor and began unbuttoning her blouse…

And then she laid across her bed face down and mumbled into the mattress, “Get to rubbing,” while she removed her bra.

“Ten minutes… and you want a massage I could give you while the children are in the room.”

She turned her head to look over her shoulder and snickered, “I just want a backrub.”


I untied my boots and kicked them off, tossed my shirt to the floor and stretched out next to her.

I watched her skin react as I ran my finger along her spine… the added bonus was watching her lift her ass and tilt her hips while she warned, “Really ticklish.”

“Oh really?”

She smiled. “We’re alone on a bed and everyone in the house is sleeping… and half the work of getting my clothes off is done for you. You want to tickle me?”

“No. I want to fuck you… What’s the likelihood of that happening?”


“No. A week from Thursday.”

She snickered, “Smart ass.”

“You didn’t answer the question.”

She smirked. “Damn. You’re right. I’m sorry.”

Still no answer.

“You’re teasing me?”

She giggled, “You’re taking it like a champ too.”

“This is what you’ve chosen to do to me for ten minutes?”

“No…” She moved, scooting closer and rolling to her side to face me. “But I’m curious. What happens after we have sex?” She used one arm to prop up her head and it nearly disappeared into her hair, and the other was strategically placed to protect her modesty…

An accidental come-hither pose that needed to be framed.

“We shower and I go back to my house for the day.”

The corner of her mouth turned down. “I meant, what would that make us? I mean, I told the boys we’re ‘sort of seeing one another’ for lack of a better way to put it. I’m not sure I’d be cool with being a pet even if I didn’t have a responsibility to the boys to set a better example than being lumped in with the gothic concubines running amuck.”

Which, at its essence, was why Sookie wasn’t a pet. She was too good for that.

“Does it make you feel better to know I can’t answer that? Pam’s pets… she fucks them and feeds from them. She occasionally goes out in public with them. She buys gifts for them, but… she doesn’t have as much fun with them as I do with you. That’s the standard for pets. Blood and sex under a blanket of lies and secrets… You aren’t ‘pet material’.”

“No known label, huh?”


She took a deep breath and started, “Vampires only really have one label option. Humans make up for it. You come over, we flirt, you’re sweet to my family and respect that I have obligations… In Human circles, you’d be called a ‘boyfriend’. The concept is silly enough that it sounds funny when we tease Gran about Gus and you’ve probably got shoes older than the both of them put together. ‘Friends with benefits’ doesn’t fit because that’s more of a relationship of convenience. ‘Lovers’ are just in it for the sex and don’t have fun when they can’t be naked… We’re complicated.”

Being together isn’t complicated. I’m as comfortable with you as I am when I’m alone, but the view is better and I have more fun… You’re just Mine.”

“Does that mean you’re Mine?”

“If anyone else asked that question, I’d laugh… but in light of the jail break you staged so you wouldn’t have to go a week without teasing me, yes.”

She snickered, “You know, that bitch was lucky you already went on a tear about Samantha’s stylist. I had a customer die the night after he test drove a car. I didn’t give him that heart attack. I was going to throw that out there.”

“A pet wouldn’t have gone to the trouble… Thank you.”

“A boyfriend wouldn’t have been chewing on a stranger.”

“Are you stating the obvious because I’m not a boyfriend or are you bothered that I fed after leaving you?”

She shrugged. “I dunno. Maybe both. I think it’s just that you’re too old to be a boy-anything… It was weird watching you with her though.”

“How so?”

“I dunno… You kind of handled her like…” She giggled, “You should have seen Hunter’s first sushi experience. I told him he could order something else if he didn’t like it, but he had to at least try it. He shoved a whole California roll into his mouth at once just to get it over with.”

“That’s exactly what I was doing…” I took her hand from the bed to bring her wrist to my mouth, watching the look on her face deteriorate to something primal while I licked and nibbled. “I could still smell and taste you until she ruined that… I almost miss my last bar. It was just a dance club. I’d fuck them in my office and glamour them to forget being bitten, when they were sober enough to notice. It was less appalling. Now they introduce themselves with feigned English or Romanian accents with Harlequin Romance novel aliases and tell me what blood type they are.”

“They don’t just want the fling anymore. They expect the theatrical seduction full of eccentric clichés.”


“You should nix the leather pants and see what kind of women you attract with more butterflies in your wardrobe.”

“There’s no point in that. I already have a Sook-”

Her watch began beeping before I could finish… Ten minutes.

“Not massaging. Not teasing. Talking?”

She giggled, “The alarm is set to tell me to stop reading. It’s one o’clock on a school night. I have to be up in six hours… Did you see me set the alarm?”


“No… What are you supposed to do when you stop reading?”

“I run a load of laundry. I set up the coffee pot. I pre-set Cort’s school clothes and pack his lunch and I pre-set my work clothes.”

“Are you going to do that now?”

“No. I did all of that while I was killing time before I was supposed to call you about needing a tongue bath.”

“Did you think of an improvisation so witnesses wouldn’t suggest I’m pussy-whipped?”

She smirked and cleared her throat, sweetening her accent to drawl, “Mister Northman, this is just a courtesy call to remind you about your appointment with the locksmith.”

“Perfect… No one will ever know.”

She giggled, “Unless you end up developing a Pavlovian response to the mention of locksmiths.”

It was possible.

When I reached for the button on her jeans, the only reaction she had was playfully reminding me she was vocal and the boys were light sleepers.

I backed away, taking Sookie’s jeans, peeling them away slowly while she giggled and twitched because I was tickling her…

And as soon as her jeans were tossed to the floor, and I was removing mine, Sookie scrambled to push her quilt from the bed and reached for the timer.

“You still owe me ten minutes.”

“I’m not guessing anymore.”

“Good. I’m sick of talking… Lie down.”

I might have laughed at the order if she didn’t look so feral…

Expecting to be ordered to flip over, I stretched across the bed on my stomach…


Sookie snorted, “Suit yourself,” and straddled my legs…

Her oral fixation

She nibbled and sucked and licked and dragged her teeth…

From my shoulders to just behind my knees…

And back again…

She giggled every time she made me squirm, and she answered every one of my growls with a purr.

Just the little bit of teasing she’d done to my neck had made controlling myself difficult… but it was nothing compared to what she could do with more ‘real estate’.

While she teased, her sweetness intensified, filling the room.

Even the contrast between her heat and the room’s temperature as she moved from one area to another was too much…

And it wasn’t just her mouth. Every fucking time her nipples dragged over my skin, I was tempted to flip over…

The timer was a whole new cage… and the only reason I waited was because I had every intention of winning my own ten minutes eventually.

I’d imagined the timer would ding like a small service bell, so when the fucking thing buzzed I actually jumped.

Sookie giggled as I rolled over, “But I was having fun.”

“I was too, but…”

Before I could say anything else, Sookie dropped her face to run her tongue over the crease of my thigh… and then along my cock… and stopped.

Her hair completely blocked my view of her face as she whispered, “Really want me to stop now?” She was so close that her lips brushed against me.

She didn’t wait for my answer before she started rolling her tongue back and forth, reminding me of my options.

As tempting as that was…

I pushed my fingers through her hair, pulling it out of my way and leading her to crawl along my legs while I sat up.

Her face was barely an inch from mine when she mumbled, “Well, shit.”

I almost laughed, but I was too preoccupied by the way her body was hovering over my legs.

I wrapped an arm around her back and had to encourage her to lower herself. “What?”

She bit her lip and squirmed. “I uh…”

“Not ready? Want to call it a night?”

She shook her head, but it didn’t look like she was sure of the answer. “I’m… uh… I’m scared?”

“Of me?”

“No!” She cringed and lowered her voice to repeat, “No. I’m worried… about making too much noise.”

I actually managed to chuckle, “Did you think a blow job would satisfy me or were you just stalling?”

She giggled nervously, “Maybe,” without committing to either option.

“How ‘vocal’ are you?”

She cringed and explained, “Cops have been called.”

She slapped my arms when I laughed.

Impatient, but amused, I gathered Sookie’s sheet and wrapped it around us as I left the bed.

When I opened the door to her room, she whispered, “Where are you going?”

“My house.”

She moved her legs in an effort to break away from me. “Oh no you don’t. I can’t just leave again… And you’re not carrying me through the neighborhood in a sheet.”

Shhhhhh. It’s as though you want to wake everyone.”

“I’m gonna kick your ass.”

“Can you do that quietly?”

She opened her mouth to argue with me, but I turned towards the den instead of the front door.

She rolled her eyes at herself. “You were just screwing with me.”

“Not yet…” She scowled at me, but it was half-hearted, and as I closed the doors to the reading room behind us, I asked, “How’s this? Several walls between us and them.”

She made an anxious face and nodded. “Fingers crossed.”

I sat on the edge of the bed, reaching between her legs while she nibbled her lip anxiously. I chuckled when she grunted because I’d barely touched her.

“Is there any likelihood this is going to improve?”

She cringed and put her hands on my shoulders as she shook her head. “I’m not so bad for… like… a 69… but…”

“That’s because something is in your mouth to muzzle you.”

She whined, “Stop laughing.”

I didn’t realize I was.

I earned another moan when I rubbed my thumb over her clit… and she jerked her hips towards me.

I chuckled, “You need to be trained.”

Trained?” Given her tone, she might as well have said I needed to be silvered.

“If a Dom can train their sub to remain quiet during punishments, there has to be a way to train a screamer to control herself when she’s cumming.”

She clenched her jaw and growled, “Any bright ideas?”

I reached up to take a handful of her hair, pulling her to me for a kiss…

It wasn’t until she pulled away for air that she realized her hair was my handle.

“I don’t want to train you. I want you to scream my name.”

She whimpered, “I’m sorry… the kids…”

“I know… We’ll spend tomorrow night at my house.”


“Tonight…” I rubbed my thumb over her clit and pushed my fingers into her. “Every time you make a noise louder than normal conversation, I’ll stop.”

It would kill me, and I might end up being the one to scream, but… I’d stop.

She closed her eyes and hummed, “Mmmm’kay.”

She throbbed around my fingers, squirming and struggling to stay silent.

“Panting… groaning… moaning… growling… whimpering… whispering…”

She shuttered and gasped my name.

“That’s allowed too… Do it again.”

She moved against my hand, trying to lean closer but I wouldn’t let her… pushing her, moving faster, earned a long groaned, “Eric, ohhhhGodfuckit, Eric.

The closer she was, the louder she was… even though she was holding back, I still had to stop eventually…

She balled up her fists and punched my shoulders… whimpering about fairness as though my cock wasn’t pinned between us…

Three fucking times…

I had to stop three fucking times… I was already close to my breaking point, and her brilliant plan to keep from being too loud was biting her lip.

Watching that bead of blood form at the corner of her mouth finally broke me.

The one rational thought to come to mind was to take her to the bathroom.

Pinning her to the back of the door… pushing into her…

She yelped into my mouth while I stole a taste…

It wasn’t what I expected… too sweet, too perfect…

Letting her kiss do the work for me and enjoying every nick she gave herself…

When she finally pulled away for air, I felt starved… as though the few drops had been teasing me…

She panted and grunted, “I taste blood, mine or yours?” too breathless to be loud…

I growled, “Yours. You bit your lip.”

She sighed, “Sorry?”

Funny. I thought she was going to expect an apology.

“Don’t be sorry.”

She whined and gasped, clawing my shoulders while she came, kissing me again and dragging her tongue over my fang…

Horrible tease.

She rested her forehead against mine and whimpered, “Is this bloodlust?”

All I could say was, “Close.” So fucking close.

Much closer when she pinched the side of my neck between her teeth.

A long moaned thread of cursing while her thighs tightened around me… punctuated by, “Jesusfuckingchrist just bite me then.”

I stopped cold.

Her sweat glued us together.

Her ankles locked together behind my back.

She was throbbing around my cock, and I froze

Worried that I’d been too rough and she was hoping feeding me would calm me down.

The way she tasted… calming down wasn’t going to happen.

She groaned, tilting her hips, “Don’t you fucking dare stop.”

That answered my question.

I didn’t have the patience to prepare her neck, rushing through the process while she came again…

Barely managing to slow down enough to not rip the wounds…

The way she panted my name into my ear only made her blood that much sweeter.

O-negative shouldn’t have tasted so fucking rich, like a rare treat.

I still let myself get lost in her… for hours.


Collapsing to the floor of the bathroom, yet again… that time with Sookie wilting onto my chest while her heart pounded hard enough to feel like my own…

She hardly caught her breath enough to make a guess about what time it was… her watch had been tossed into the tub when it snagged her hair.

It was after four o’clock.

Pumpkin time.

She giggled and joked about being a Zombie at work and asked if they were real, or just too stupid for PR.

Once she caught her breath, I carried her back to her room while she sleepily complained that I’d used up the energy she needed to shower…

She could hardly keep her eyes open to kiss me goodbye, but I still had hours to kill.

Last Chapter   Story Home   Next Chapter

93 thoughts on “Chapter 5: To The Rescue

  1. Really? One but not the other? Party Pooper. I thought I was getting two christmas gifts. Not just one. Oh well. Something for later when my Grinch feeling kicks back in full force.

  2. I hope ‘to the rescue’ means more of Sook using her powers for good… Her telepathy is her single most defining feature and I love seeing her use it (responsibly). Which is why I liked BTD so much. Lately all she seems to use it for is keeping track of Eric’s moods…

  3. Merry Christmas! Still Stalking the site here! Hope you got lots of goodies this fine christmas. Did you get Eric for Christmas? He was on my mental wishlist you know? He must have torn from my stocking. Cause I didn’t see him under the tree. Santa should have brought him. Did you get an Eric Northman for christmas? I asked for one!

  4. *groans* I spent today rereading “Deaths Door” in an effort to not spend the day checking to see if you updated this YET. But still every few chapters or so I found myself going back to see if its updated. Finally got back to the bratpack email that i somehow missed. I suffered the inability to locate it when I had gone looking. Finally found where the “other inbox” is. lol

  5. After looking at all these messages, I’m thinking that we should not get a “Coming soon” message until it’s within 24 hours of posting. Of course, with the holiday, your betas probably have other obligations–friends, children, pesky in-laws–who are drawing away their attention from important tasks like reviewing Angela’s latest chapter. Oh well. Patience I guess. Thanks.

  6. After checking this page more times than I should have the past few days and seeing that same ‘Coming Soon’ message each time, I now have The Smiths ‘How Soon Is Now’ completely stuck in my head ! In another few days I shall progress to ‘Panic’.

  7. I hope that your holidays went well and there are not emergencies. So the wait is simply just getting on track from holiday overload. If so, please please, update soon. So cruel, please, we are all addicted and need our fix.

  8. EIM said on fb Christmas Eve that she is sick. So I figure she is knocked out on cold meds and trying to get rl and everything under control. I know the chapter is going to kick ass when she posts

    • Thanks for letting us know. I hope she gets better soon so she can update. She is bloody awesome. Nobody can make Eric and Sookie dance the way she can. Get well soon EIM!!!

  9. This Eric & Sookie are so much fun!. The kids are just hilarious! I crack up everytime Hunter says something becuse you do such a great job writing his words. Please post again soon, Pretty please, with an ‘Anniversary Red Metallic’ cherry on top.

  10. I am sorry you are not feeling well. Put your feet up, sip some soup…..and don’t worry about getting a story out. You have brought such joy to me through your stories. Thank you.

  11. *off to swap your cold medicine for riddelin* I seriously hope you feel better soon. But im very tempted to slip you some riddelin so you find yourself with an insane amount of energy and write up a storm. I’m stalking the site a little bit more than normal while I rererererereread Bored to Death.

  12. Reread the first 4 chapters of the story. Followed by Deaths Door. And now Ive finished rererereading Bored to Death. Did you come down with pneumonia? I know too many people who came down with it this holiday season. Hope you get better soon. kjwrit must have known you were sick she started writing chapters in bulk to try and cheer us up, and fill the time in waiting for you to get better. Hope you update soon. And feel better!!!!

  13. Auugh! I woke up this morning and saw the new chapter links and thought “yayyyy!!” Only to find that instead of this chapter being posted, I now have THREE chapters to twitch over. Ugh.

    I’m glad that you’re feeling better though, even if all you’re posting is new incomplete chapter links to torture us!

  14. LOVED it! The next chapter can’t come soon enough. I’m dying to see how/when Sookie et al get outed and what happens next with the mysterious strangler. You just friggin’ rock!

  15. Hours to kill who ?
    I was so expecting Sookie to ‘fess up to being a telepath, that is still to look forward to. And he didn’t recognise fae in her blood, that’s good too. Neither of those things are his reason for wanting to be with her.
    Fantastic chapter, thanks.

  16. Wow —OK —all the fat jokes –all I can think about was that gargantuan woman that was posted on the Bratpack FB site with the story about the BF that found her cat…dead…among her folds when he want to “service her”….ugh…..that was all I pictured when all the fat jokes were flying….need eye bleach…

    But then….the hotness between Sookie and Eric replaced that awful image with some smokin’ hotness –that’s the cure! Yup…more of that!!!!

    All the best –hope you’re feeling better, Ang!


  17. So glad you must be better. Great chapter, loved the bashing of gorgon, enjoyed Pam being amused by Sookie, and very happy they had some extended one on one time. Loved it. thanks.

  18. So happy to see you’re feeling better!! Thanks so much for the AWESOMELY HYSTERICAL chapter! Can’t wait for what’s next!

  19. My pot refresh button is finally doing a happy dance. Omb that was funny. And hot. And terrific as always. Thanks Angela and happy new year.

  20. Pingback: Holiday Plague | Getting creative with the Viking…

  21. Sookie to the rescue! It sounds like Rene is operating in Shreveport. So glad Eric is cleared. Love that Alcide sent guards. I’d say Sookie got more than 10 minutes, but I somehow doubt Eric minded too much.

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