Chapter 26: Reprisal

Bored To Death

Chapter 26



I pulled away. “Sookie, are you going to change your mind about my office?”

She barely giggled through her panting. “You know what I’ve never done?”

“You’ve never let me fuck you in my office.”

“This is only the third time we’ve been alone in here, including the night we met. ‘Never’ would be overstating. ‘Yet’ would be better fitting.”

“Now that you’ve given me a grammar lesson, which you’ve never done, can I fuck you in my office YET?”

“You might be able to convince me if we had more time.”

“Sookie, I’m a vampire… I have plenty of time.”

She leaned away from me, bracing herself against the desk… and teasingly stroking her leg along mine. “You have work to do. You need to see how Pam is doing with the bartenders, hire a guard and you have that mysterious errand to run.”

I leaned over her, uninterested in anything but her body at the moment. “I’ll sign the bar over to Pam, resign as sheriff, call the guard later and postpone my errand.”

She giggled, “Eric?”

I growled when I realized that I wasn’t going to win. “What have you never done, Sookie?”

She lifted her face to mine and kissed me calmly, running her thumb over my lips as she spoke. “I haven’t… ever… made you wait… when we could help it.”

“FUCK!” I stood up, backing away to stand clear of her.

She pouted her lips. “I’m sorry.”

I scowled at her. “And amusedYOU go check with Pam… and make sure your new guard is housebroken before you bring him back.”


I’d barely managed to calm down by using paperwork and scheduling as my diversion. My ‘enter’ button paid the price though… I’d need a new keyboard before the next night… and a mouse…

Sookie was completely in my office before the guard was ever in sight. She was wearing a bright smile. “Pam has 3 bartenders ready to go. They’re doing their W-4s with Bobby as we speak. Chow, Hamilton and Stewart… God only knows if they can mix a decent drink. I think she just hired them so she can make fun of their names.”

“What’s wrong with their names?”

Chow, Ham and Stew. Mark my words… she’s going to call them ‘the buffet’ or something in the neighborhood.” ‘Smorgasbord’ since she finds the Scandinavian languages utterly hilarious.

She pointed to one of the guest chairs as an invitation for the Were to sit and came to stand behind my chair.

“Eric, this is Alcide.”

I was probably too proud of her for her stance ‘behind’ me, but I reached around to move her to sit on my leg. “Alcide what?”

He cleared his throat and only sat once he was addressed. He’d been trained. “Herveaux. What’s this about?”

“Sookie needs a guard.”

He balked. “This is a joke.”

“No. I’m very serious.”

He blew out an amused huff. “Good luck with that.”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m not gonna try to tell you your business, but she was flirting with 5 sauced Weres right under your nose. She doesn’t need a guard. She needs to be locked down during daylight.”

I had to hide how tempted I was to do just that while Sookie laughed and started, “Alcide has some guard experience.”

He shook his head. “Sorry, chickadee. I’m not interested. I have a job.”

She nodded. “Yeah. You sure do. Your father owns the company. The guard job isn’t full time.”

“You’re really a telepath?”

She nodded.

“Why the fuck did you pick me?”

“Because you and Jeff are the only ones who weren’t being perverts.”

He eyed her for a moment before he continued, “Then why didn’t you bring Jeff back here?”

“Yes, the flirting was a check… He didn’t get pulled back because he has a wife and kid. He could use the money more than you, but I don’t want to take him away from his family.”

He stared at her. “That’s insane.” I’m sure he meant the strength of her ability as opposed to her reasoning behind her choice.

She shrugged. “I get that a lot.”

He shook his head with his eyebrows drawn up and turned to me. “Why does she need a guard?” Because she flirts with ‘sauced’ Weres.

“Because I’m the sheriff. Because she’s a telepath. Because she’s under contract and formal protection of the Queen… While she’s working towards being more nocturnal, she’ll need an escort once or twice each week so that she isn’t forced into being a shut in. And we’ll need someone with her for travel.”


“She’ll be working out of town from time to time. I’ll be traveling with them, but tourism wouldn’t be possible without their own guard.”

“Who is ‘them’? You said ‘she’ needs a guard.”

“Depending on the circumstances, Sookie’s brother may join us, but I’ll make sure he’s armed as well. The standard will be Sookie, her grandmother and her… little boy.”  I wasn’t sure how to ‘label’ Hunter… but my uncertainty was met with a peculiar feeling from Sookie when I referred to him as ‘her little boy’.

”The guy that slapped your second’s ass, a telepath, an old lady and… how old is the kid?”

“He’s 3.”

“What kind of circumstances would make the extra guard come in?”

“Her brother has a job so he’d only be able to travel when timing allows it. He would be traveling as an armed companion more than an additional guard.”

Sookie added, “Sightseeing and stuff wouldn’t be tedious or anything either. Gran’s 83 next month and she tuckers out easily. An hour or two, once in a while… but for the most part, she’ll be happy to sit in a quiet room reading.”


Sookie shrugged again. “Soccer mom. Mostly just toting us around or sitting around doing nothing…” She grabbed a pen and started scribbling a note.

The Were was not amused. “That shit’s just rude.”

She dropped the pen and sat back against me. “You’re right. I’m sorry… Who owns your dad’s marker?”

He growled quietly. “You’re sitting on him.” I was actually amused that he said it as though it was my fault that his father is a shitty gambler…

“Ahhh, Jackson Herveaux. I knew your name was familiar for a reason.”

“How much does he owe you?”

“I can’t be sure. I’m having technical difficulties…” Sookie shifted and looked into the trash bin… and proceeded to giggle when she noticed what used to be my keyboard and mouse. “…It isn’t much…”

“It’s enough that he’s afraid of having to liquidate.”

I shrugged. “This should make negotiations go more smoothly, I think… In addition to your compensation for time and travel, I’ll freeze your father’s debt until you’ve completed a one year contract then it’ll be forgiven. This should help him excuse your occasional absence from work as well, yes?”

He shook his head. “There’s got to be 30 others in the pack with more guard experience… you wouldn’t have to forgive a debt big enough to bankrupt a multistate contracting company to hire them.”

I’d already opened my mouth to answer him, but Sookie took the floor, starting with a hum. “Help me with that math… we’ll use the 5 of you as my control group. Out of those 30 guys… averages would tell me that 18 of them would be horny jerks… another 6 would have wives or kids that would miss them, right?”

He nodded with an aggravated grunt.

“So out of the 6 hypothetical guys left how many of them would mention that I was off my leash? AND have an out of town girlfriend? AND a nephew the same age as my little boy?” She had the same peculiar feeling again.

He offered no noise this time. He simply rolled his eyes.

“And, don’t forget that by advertising that we’re looking for a guard we open ourselves up to job seekers with possible ulterior motives.”

He rubbed his eyes. “Is she always like this?”

“Even when she sleeps.”

“What if I say no?”

“Then you say no. I’ll go to Flood quietly about candidates.”

“You won’t call in my father’s marker tomorrow?”

“No. That would be bad business.”


“One doesn’t open a casino in the hopes that their patrons will win. If your father’s business is lost, so is his ability to repay me.” And gamble… and repay… and gamble…

While the wolf seemed to be considering the situation and its prospects, Sookie absentmindedly started running her fingernails up and down my thigh… bad idea

Not only could she feel my ‘mood’ coming back with a vengeance but she’d have to be completely oblivious to not notice my dick pressing into her hip… and she didn’t stop.

I wouldn’t even have to wait to pull them off… I could pull her shorts down just enough…

Push her over my desk…

Shit… the way she whimpers when I push into her…

The way she claws to grasp anything when I fuck her from behind…

The way sweat beads up on her lower back…



“Alcide asked if you have a contract already written up.” Fuck. I had to wonder how long I’d been letting my imagination run riot…

“I’d have to add the stipulation about your father’s debt, but it can be ready in just a few minutes.”

He quickly wiped a puzzled look from his face. “And that if something happens to me while guarding her, the debt is settled anyway.”

I nodded, still distracted by torment.

He nodded as he stood to leave. “Let me call my father about the time I’d miss on site.”


As soon as he was through the door, she turned to look at me with a raised eyebrow. “How are you supposed to fix the contract if you poked through your keyboard?”

“You’re going to bring back Pam’s computer for me.”

She giggled. “What if you break that too?”

I growled at her. “Just go get it before your clothes end up in shreds.”


“If you don’t get off of my lap, you’re going to help me break the desk.”

Something about my warning inspired her mood to move from playful to eager… her pulse quickened as her breathing hitched and it pushed me closer to my breaking point, but she left me…

The room’s temperature felt like ice as it fell on the warmth she’d created.


She returned a few moments later with Pam’s laptop and the Were close behind.

She stood in front of my desk and held the computer out to me. “I’ll leave you guys to business.” It was probably for the best. At least as far as Pam’s ‘digital catalog’ was concerned anyway.

“Sookie, think of something horrible to do to Bobby before you send him back.”

She was very tempted to say something along the lines of ‘yes master’, but thought better of it. She was gone again with a simple nod.

I motioned to the Were’s previous seat and he cleared his throat as he took the invitation. “Bobby?”

I quickly started editing a standard contract, forcing myself to be gentle with the keys. “My piece of shit day guy. He’s on borrowed time.”

He snorted. “You sure you wanna mention shit like that before I sign a contract?” Amusing point.

“Not that sort of borrowed time. Sookie won’t let me kill him. His replacement will be taking over in a few days.”

“Is he a piece of shit in a way I’ll need to worry about?”

“Doubtful. He’s been forcing his low opinion of Sookie on her at every opportunity. His attitude has become belligerent and Sookie spent most of her day upset because of his thoughts.”

“Thoughts like…?”

“He delivered her new car in the hopes that it was a ‘bon voyage’ gift. Not only did she hear his assumptions that I was done with her, but he also had a few choice thoughts about the boy.”

“Her feelings were hurt because she thought you were breaking up with her… but your thoughts don’t give her nightmares?”

“I’m a choir boy.”

He snorted. “Whatever.”

“She can’t read vampires… Daemons either for that matter.”

“Oh… So humans… Weres… what about Fae or witches or…”

“Witches, yes. Fae, we don’t know.”

He nodded thoughtfully. “It’s a shame you can’t hire a vampire day guy.”

“I don’t need to… You’re aware of the common feeling of superiority among vampires, yes? That humans are beneath us.”

He snorted. “Yeah. That’s not exactly a secret.”

“Well, they are. We would know since we were once human, but that’s neither here nor there… I actually like Bobby’s replacement.”

He shook his head. “Will I be running into the guy?”

“Frequently, I’m sure. Her name is Paulette. She’ll be needing a small vial of your blood when she arrives.”

“DO WHAT!? I’m not really interested…”

“Don’t be difficult. This is non-negotiable. She’s a witch. She’ll be warding my home and Sookie’s and she’ll need but a drop or two so that you’ll be granted access to our properties. She’ll also be binding you from gossiping.”

“I’m not really down with working for a vampire as it is, but now you’re saying you need my blood?”

I stopped typing to look at him. “I don’t need anything except Sookie’s safety. While she feels as though she can trust you because she can hear your thoughts, I’m prone to taking added precautions. Sookie, Adele, Hunter and Jason are all formally protected by the queen, specifically they’re mine. As Sookie’s guard, you will be responsible for the safety of an asset to Louisiana privately and on the occasion her talents are needed during the day. Furthermore, being in the position you are, there is a certain amount of state business as well as personal confidences you’ll be party to. Knowing that you are contracted and bound to secrecy, and willingly, will make your presence less unwelcome.”

“That’s all it’s for? Wards and keeping me from flapping my gums?”

I returned to typing. “In its entirety. Offer the sample however you choose. Have a doctor do it or have someone punch you in the nose. Pam would volunteer. She’s already punched Jason tonight.”

“They looked like they were getting along pretty good to me.”

“He was abducted by another vampire. The cover story for his absence from work included a car accident.”

“So she gave him that shiner to sell it?”


“You fuckers are weird… So, what do I need to know?”

“You’ll be needed to taxi Jason to his home tomorrow and take the ladies to run some errands. The queen will be visiting next week and you’ll most likely be required for an introduction. Sookie and Adele will most likely arrange it so that you’ll be needed on a scheduled basis to ease your work conflicts… You should get your passport in order since we could find ourselves traveling abroad.”

“That’s it?”

I nodded. “For now. For the next week Sookie will be working from here.”

“The old woman…”

“Mrs. Stackhouse until you’re invited to call her otherwise.”

“…Right, she’s fine with vampires… what about Weres? Does she know?”

“She was actually less shocked to hear of the reality of lycanthropy than Sookie was. You may very well find yourself being interviewed.”


“She is entertainingly curious and exceptionally broadminded.”

He nodded, trying to absorb everything. “The brother?”

“He’s… at first I considered him obtuse and simple in a cut-his-food-into-small-pieces kind of way. As it turns out he’s actually quite clever. Sadly, he lacks the ability to apply himself. Case in point, his dealing with the surplus applicants and at the moment… he’s trying to convince Pam that Fangtasia needs to add the MLB Season Pass to its cable package.”

He started laughing. “Seriously? Does he not realize your customers would be happier watching Charmed reruns than baseball?”

“As would Pam… She’s still embittered that the actress who played Piper opted for family life instead of porn.”

“Aren’t we all?” No shit.

I actually spared a laugh.

“Ok… the kid. Hunter, right? Is there anything special about him? I’m guessing that he knows about vampires.”

Shit. “Sookie, would you be more comfortable explaining Hunter’s circumstances or would you like for me to do it?”

“That’s fine. He’ll need details. Thank you.”

The Were whipped his head around to look at the doorway, then back to me. “She heard you! What the fuck is she?”

“She’s a telepath who’s bonded to a very old vampire. Her senses are probably more heightened than yours.”

“No shit! That’s fucking… wow… I mean… damn!”

Getting back on track… “Hunter is the 3 year old son of Sookie’s recently turned cousin. She’s adopting him. He’ll be here next week. It’s possible that he knows about vampires, but your guess is as good as mine. He most likely just knows us by how our thoughts feel to him.”

“He’s a telepath too?”

I nodded. “We’ve yet to meet the boy because he was kept a secret. Before Sookie had vampire blood, she couldn’t read Weres very well unless she was the subject of their thoughts, so you may have more mental privacy with him than Sookie. It seems we’ll all be getting our education at the same time.”

“Wow… that’s one hell of a family trait.”


“All I got was straight teeth.” And a strange reaction to full moons…


I’d just sat back, only waiting for the printer when our attention was grabbed by the most dreadful sound imaginable coming from the hall…

“Every night in my dreams… I see you, I feel you… That is how I know you go on…”

Bobby was close to being ended for singing AND walking into my office without an invitation when I noticed the glaze to his eyes… Pam had glamoured him.

It wasn’t the first thing I noticed or Alcide for that matter…

“Far across the distance… And spaces between us… You have come to show you go on…”

Alcide and I were both laughing uncontrollably at the fruit of Sookie’s flawlessly wicked imagination…

“Near, far, wherever you are… I believe that the heart does go on… Once more you open the door… And you’re here in my heart… And my heart will go on and on…

Bobby had been ‘made over’… a mop head was his wig… they’d given him freckles on his cheeks, and ‘geisha lips’ in addition to the bright purple eye makeup and drawn on eyelashes… I’m sure that I did NOT want to know where the bra and panties came from, but he was wearing them over his dress shirt and slacks with oranges filling the bra and a toupee from the lost and found box horrendously placed in the front of the panties. It looked like Chewbacca was going down on him. They’d painted his nails and he had a red feather boa around his neck.

When he was done butchering the already trite Titanic theme, he curtsied… Perfect! “How can I be of assistance, sheriff?”

Pamela! Did you think to turn on the security camera?”

She laughed. “Of course I did… I’m not your favorite child for nothing.” Never mind that she’s my only child… so far.

“My favorite child who just earned a virtual visit to La Perla.”

Pam was standing next to me in a blink, practically twitching with an excited grin. “Platinum and La Perla in the same night?”

I smiled and closed her laptop, knowing that she wanted, no NEEDED it back now that I’d dangled the proverbial carrot. “After that? Absolutely.”

She actually giggled and kissed my cheek. “That’s why you’re my favorite maker.”

She was gone fast enough to create a breeze… but she came back for a moment. Just long enough to reach into the back of Bobby’s pants and yank his underwear hard enough to cause a rip, but only after she released him from her hold.


Bobby was still trying to pull his underwear out of his asshole…

“Didn’t I warn you about your conduct?”

He winced, continuing to dig. “I’ll do my best to behave, sir. Do you have a task for me?”

I nodded, pulling my checkbook out of my drawer. “Several. The first of them is to find a red riding hood. You know the type?”

“Yes sir. Size 8?”

“No. Your size. You’ll wear it when you take a basket of cookies to my associate John Flood, along with this check. You’ll sing for him too. Little Red Riding Hood by Paul Revere and the Raiders. You know the song?”

He huffed out a miserable breath while Alcide turned and snickered into his hand. “What kind of cookies?”

“Bobby, what the fuck makes you think I know the difference? Just take him an assortment of fucking cookies and stop being a cunt.”

“Yes sir. Is there anything else?”

“Something has happened to my keyboard and mouse. Replace them. Get several of each.” If Sookie was going to be working out of Fangtasia, I was going to need them.

He nodded. “Anything else?”

“Pam is interested in spray tanning. She’s quite envious of Sookie’s bronze… Find a spa that provides the service in the evening, get one, report back.”

He rolled his eyes. “Yes sir.”

“Sookie needs a computer…”

She interrupted from the bar, “No she doesn’t. Sookie doesn’t know what the hell…”

“Sookie needs to stop eavesdropping.”

“Your fault. And I still don’t know how to use one.”

“Pam and I will help you. You’ll need it for keeping track of your work and more domestic things such as Hunter’s schooling and shopping on your own.”

I chuckled when she conceded with a raspberry.

“As I was saying, Sookie needs a laptop and a cell phone.”

Alcide cleared his throat. “Uh, if she doesn’t know what she’s doing, she could probably use one of those ‘For Dummies’ books in case she gets stuck during the day.”

I nodded. “Good idea.”

Bobby nodded and offered a ‘yes sir’ again.

“Take cookies and the check to Mr. Flood. Keyboard and mouse reserves. Get a tan. Sookie’s laptop and phone… and once her phone is in service call the crews attending to the Bon Temps home and give them her number as the new point of contact. Do you understand or should I make flash cards?”

“I understand. Thank you sir.”

“Good. Now get the fuck out of my office. Your ‘wig’ reeks of vomit and Kahlua.”

When he turned to leave, we got another laugh. Someone had written ‘nobody rides for free’ in large letters on his back… directly below it was an arrow to his ‘coin slot’.


Once Sookie had made arrangements with Alcide to start their errands at noon and Pam introduced me to the ‘smorgasbord’ (proving how predictable she can be), everyone left after Sookie insisted that I ‘be careful’ on my errand.

My meeting wasn’t going to take long… between the near bloodlust state Sookie had caused earlier and the task before me, I was too anxious… high on the promise of what the night still had to offer…

I might have actually squirmed while I waited for the door to the tiny house to be answered.

The house’s sum total was only about 800 square feet, if that. Yellowed lace curtains in all three of the front windows of the dove grey structure with deep burgundy trim… The car in the driveway was old enough to not have any luster left to the paint… a 5th Avenue with a Masonic emblem on the back end next to the handicapped license plate…

… and while the car had handicapped decals there was no ramp, leading me to the hypothesis that Bartlett Hale had found yet another situation to exploit.

Since it was nearly one o’clock, it took several tries at ringing the doorbell before I heard any movement inside and a few more to entice the inhabitant to climb out of bed.

The ever comical sight of a person peering through a peep hole inspired more than a few caricatures by Pam. While I usually found myself amused at the Picasso-esque image, I’d already had my laugh for the night.

He swung the door open, unleashing the stench of stale cigarettes, pork and moth balls. He angrily wrapped a short robe around his frail frame. He might be a more healthy sight if he’d been civilized enough to not be estranged to his sister who’d have been feeding him well for the last 17 years. “What do you want? Who are you? Do you know what time it is?”

“I want to speak with you. My name is Eric Northman. It’s 12:51 am.”

His lip turned up. “What’s this about?”

“I know your sister.”

“Adele? I haven’t spoken to her in years. Is she ok?”

“She’s wonderful, Mr. Hale.”

“I don’t understand then…”

“She’s only 2 years younger than you are. I’m sure that you can understand how one could start to ponder certain things when they get to a certain point in their life. It seems Adele has some regrets.”

He looked confused as he shook his head. “I’m not… does she want to see me? She…”

“No. Her wish isn’t to see you. Your sister has had a life full of loss. Her husband died of heart failure. Her son died in a car accident. She nursed her daughter through two years of treatments before Linda was taken by cancer. Hadley was…” If I could vomit, I would have. The moment I mentioned Hadley, a predatory look came to his eyes that would shame sharks and vampires alike. “…Hadley was made vampire.”

He winced. “A vampire? Figures she’d be running with the likes of those monsters… How about Sookie?” I could feel ‘it’. I could smell ‘it’. As her name fell from his mouth, it watered. My hands fisted in my pockets to keep from leaving a very messy scene.

“Sookie’s gotten the attention of a vampire herself.”

“That’s just disgusting. Tell me Jason ain’t out gallivanting with them… How Adele could let them run amuck… she should’ve brought ‘em up better.” The gall.

Before he had the chance to say anything else, before he could inspire a sudden change in my plans, I caught his eyes to push my will… “Mr. Hale, you need to dress and get your car keys. We have somewhere to go.”

He nodded and he wandered away from the front door.


The I-20 had usually moderate traffic for the time of night as I instructed Adele’s brother to pull to a stop directly under a traffic camera giving us 3 miles of privacy in either direction.

We stood on the shoulder as his tension built. Once I released him, he’d finally come to the realization that I was a vampire and was too petrified to act.

“Mr. Hale, you’re aware of Sookie’s ability to read minds, yes?”

“That’s crap. She was just trying to get attention. Adele just made it worse by encouraging her.”

“Untrue. She’s quite gifted. How else would she know about what you were going to do to her?”

“She’s still telling those lies!?”

“No, sir, in fact she suffers the distinction of not being able to forget those truths… She and Hadley will remember them forever.”

“Hadley told you… that little bitch…”

“Hadley doesn’t need to say it. The mention of your name managed to make a vampire look like a scared child.”

“So that’s what this is about? They hired a vampire to do something to me.”

“They didn’t need to hire me. I’m here because I want to be. I’m here because of the thousands of people I have killed and beaten and tortured… Bartlett, you’re going to be my favorite.”

I took a moment to enjoy the fear wafting from his decrepit body as he struggled to find words. “What are you going to do to me?”

“I am a thousand years old… and in all of the eras and movements I have seen come and go, even through the days of having slaves and concubines, it has never been acceptable to pursue children… ever.”

He sniveled. “I didn’t…”

“Don’t hasten your passage to hell by lying again… As though molesting children wasn’t vile enough, you further tortured Sookie with your thoughts, your plans, your desires…” It hadn’t taken but a moment… but when she told me I realized why my ‘thoughtless’ brain would be so appealing to Sookie… It wasn’t that the rednecks she’d had the chance to date had such terrible thoughts… simply hearing them most likely brought back memories of Bartlett’s perversions…

“What are you going to do to me?”

“Tell me, Bartlett, do you think it would be better to know, to have that insight before something unspeakable happens to you or would you rather just have it happen? Which one of your nieces do you think was less miserable in your company? The one who could hear and envision all of the ways you wanted to rob her or the one that only had to suffer through the actual event? The one who could hear how satisfied you were with yourself or the one that could pretend that it had just been a nightmare?”

His sniveling increased and when his knees began to weaken, I ordered him to stay on his feet… and watch. A tractor trailer sped by but its load would have jack-knifed and caused a news-worthy pileup…

He whimpered, “What are you waiting for? Just toss me into traffic if that’s what you’re gonna do, you bastard.”

I chuckled at the irony of being called a bastard by a pedophile. “What I’m waiting for, Bartlett, is my perfect window of opportunity… you know the one I’m talking about… the chance to do something ghastly without being caught, without causing collateral damage or leaving any believable witnesses… Do you like how it feels? Are you alarmed knowing that you are my flavor of choice? Knowing how fucking much I’m going to damage you? Knowing that I’m about to devastate you and nothing you say or do, no amount of running will spare you from what I have planned?”

He shook like a sail in gale force winds… “What’s in this for you? I don’t understand.”

“Your sister is a close friend of mine… While Adele has worked and loved and struggled through her life, she is deserving of the ideal… a peaceful, graceful end of passing away in her sleep. We don’t feel as though you do. While I would like nothing more than for your sister to continue to thrive because she brings a charming accord to the lives around her, I feel as strongly about cutting you down, destroying you before you have the chance to think you’ve gotten away with abusing your nieces.” I watched a large truck go by, that would have been perfect if it hadn’t been for the small sedan tailgating it…

“So you’re going to kill me for something I supposedly did decades ago?”



“Here it comes.”

“What are you talking about?”

I pointed down the highway to the overpass where a truck had just emerged. “Can’t you see it? It’s a red Peterbilt semi without a trailer… and it’s all by itself. It’s about 2 miles away, but it’s moving at an impressive speed. Are you ready?”


I taunted, “Baaaaartleeeett… it’s going to happen… you know it’s going to happen… no one’s going to know… no one will ever understand why…”

“NO! Noooo. This can’t be happening!”

I growled, “Imagine how many times those exact words went through the minds of Hadley and Sookie, you repugnant prick!”

“I’ll make amends!”

“You most certainly will.”

“NO! I’ll make it up to them! Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it!” I knew he would look at me, beg me with his eyes…

And that’s when I took his control… “You’ll do anything?”

“Yes! Yes anything… Just stop! Just leave me alone!”

I smiled at him and waited until the truck was only feet away. “Then step into the path of that truck.”

His body quaked, betraying his hopeless attempt to fight my influence… and took the first of his last 11 steps…

The driver’s attempt to avoid plowing into the man who ‘wandered’ into his path was for naught…

Bartlett’s upper body crumpled into a heap as the trucks momentum slowed, dragging him under the massive wheels and crushing him to a pulp and ejecting his scraps…

I was in the sky again before the traumatized trucker could gather his wits enough to understand what had happened, let alone remember that I’d been a spectator.


It hadn’t been until I saw Sookie’s small frame washing away Long Shadow’s residue in the shower at Fangtasia that I realized that the stall really was that small… I’d gotten to believe that it was ‘just me’…

I’d planned on taking advantage of the complete silence of the bar to take care of the lingering paperwork I’d been too distracted to attend to before…

As soon as I entered my office to dress though…

I smelled her.

I did try to ignore it, but forcing myself into my chair didn’t help…

All it did was remind me of how obsessed I’d been earlier…

And I never touched the first inbox item…


When I stepped into the house from the back patio, I was met with the sound of laughter coming from the library…

The excitement in Sookie’s eyes as she stood to greet me with a hug would have been enough to save me from my sickened mood even without the bond…

Bubba was the only absent party since Pam offered to stay so that he could go retrieve his payment.

Since Jason had fallen asleep after eating ‘Dinner: the sequel’, Adele, Sookie and Pam had done some ‘light shopping’ and other ‘girl stuff’ while they waited… seemingly, for me to return.

Pam kissed Adele and Sookie, eyeing me carefully as she said her goodbyes… She’d known too well what I’d been up too. As long as we’ve been together, she’d analyzed the ‘recipe’ of my moods…

Not that she always reacted to my frame of mind correctly, but this time she understood that there was nothing to worry herself with.

Once Adele had carried Canterbury Tales to her room to turn in, Sookie took my hand to lead me downstairs.


Sookie slowly peeled her robe away to reveal nothing more than white bikini panties as she backed to the bed. “I never got that bonus you promised.” She grinned playfully as she laid back…

“I’d almost forgotten.” Until I entered my office… then her ‘bonus’ was all I could think about.

She giggled and told me ‘bullshit’ as I yanked my clothes away and as soon as my leg touched the warmth of hers, I knew I’d wanted her, wanted this for too long…

Patience wasn’t something I had left…

Just feeling her skin against mine was too much…

It had been centuries since I looked forward to anything so much as being with Sookie…

My mind was a riot of ideas and anticipation and I quickly found myself worried that I’d run out of control…

The more we rolled and pawed and bit at each other, the more Sookie pushed me…

It wasn’t a game to her though… she was feeling me…

And enjoying everything, every touch…

Every thrust…

Every groan…

Every yank…

Every grind…

Every fucking bit as much as I did…

We clawed at each other and there wasn’t a single part of my body left untouched by her mouth, her sweat, her blood, her cum…

I’d let go, forgetting the concept of willpower…

Only keeping my need for her blood in check…

We’d rolled out of the bed to the floor, her legs wrapped around me where I sat…

Her little hands fisted into my hair as she breathed into me, her tongue sliding against mine until she began chewing her retreat…

Her body writhed against me, around me…

When Sookie’s head fell back, moaning, tightening her fingers into my hair…

She pulled my head, stabbing her own throat with my fangs and quaking…

Cumming as I fed from her…

Because I was feeding from her…

And it made me cum so hard that I collapsed…


I had to carry her to bed because her legs were ‘on vacation’.

She curled up with me and waited to catch her breath before she said anything.

Her fingers drifted over my chest… “Was it Bobby?”

“Was what Bobby?”

“Whoever it was that you killed earlier.” A drawback to the bond.

“What makes you think that I killed someone?”

She stared at me for a long moment after clearing her throat. She was actually offended…

“I’m not underestimating you. I’m only asking what led you to the conclusion.”

“You were appalled, infuriated, calculated, protective… then all of a sudden, you were better. Like you… read the end of a book where the bad guy dies.”

“I could be feeling all of those things without having killed someone.”

She huffed, annoyed that I was avoiding the original question.

“I didn’t kill Bobby. Are you getting attached to him?”

“Awww, hell no… I was just curious. I’d joked about it, but I’d have felt really guilty… you know.”

I kissed her forehead. “I’m still tempted.”

She giggled. “Me too.”

…Then she fell asleep without asking anything else.


52 thoughts on “Chapter 26: Reprisal

  1. Wow that was pretty intense. I am surprised that Alcide is the guard they hired, but I think it could be good since he seems to be a straight shooter in this. I was surprised at how he chose to end Bartlett, but he clearly was a wretched old man that needed to go. I’m thinking this won’t be a secret since Sookie already felt that he killed someone, so I just hope she remains understanding about his vamp nature. How hysterical was Pam’s and Sookie’s revenge……the titanic theme song! Nice

  2. you have an evil imagination, and gave a fitting end to Bartlett, especially that he knew what was going to happen. Thanks for the update, I needed the fix.

  3. I had almost forgotten about Bartlett, glad you didn’t! Thanks for the great chapter. It will be interesting with Alcide now in it and I’m sure Debbie Pelt will make a showing at some point. Since Hadley was with the queen when she was pregnant she would have had her blood, therefore; Hunter was formed with said blood and potentially a stronger telepath then Sookie. Am I on the right track?

  4. Squeeeeeels with delight in finding a new chapter. *claps hands like a 2 year old* Love the chapter then again love everything you write. Bobby singing had me in fits of laughter. What a visual! Bartlett’s end was perfect and fitting. Sookie not asking any more questions just trusting Eric was also perfect. Thanks for the fix, us addicts need it….often!

  5. That was the most satisfying chapter. I’d been wondering when Bartlett would get his comeuppance and whata beautiful one it was.

    ALCIDE in da house. This is gonna get even more fun!

  6. Whoa! What a chapter! LOVED Bobby’s glamor. Great song choice! I got SO sick of it when it was popular. Liked it at first, but jeez…

    Not what I expected for Bartlett’s demise. I loved how Eric was toying with him. That would have been terrifying! Ewww…I can’t stomach the thought of rapists and pedophiles. Death is too good for them…

  7. Yay for another wonderful chapter!
    I’m so happy I randomly woke up at 4.30 am and checked my inbox. Reading this without any interruptions has been bliss. 🙂
    You sure know how to write a murder scene, at the risk of sounding like a complete savage, can we have more of those? *evil smile*
    It’s by far my favourite scene in this chapter.
    Well, that and Bobby’s Celine Dion moment…hehehe…

  8. “A draw back of the bond”
    “Sookie needs to quit eavesdropping”

    Hilarious. This was one of your funnier chapters. And I am going to love Alcide. He is probably going to get caught up in the family as well.

  9. Ding Dong Bartlett’s dead, Bartlett’s dead!! Damn, he’s lucky that Eric didn’t take his time with him…sick bastard! Thank you Eric, that was better than what Bill did to him in the book 🙂 Are we going to witness what Adele’s reaction to Bartlett’s death, since she gave Eric the ‘go’ orders??? Please say yes.

    OMG! That was too freakin hilarious what Pam & Sookie did to Bobby. LMAO That was a kodak moment right there 😉

    Yay, Alcide is Sookie’s guard. Oh, and I loved how Eric called Hunter, Sookie’s little boy…too sweet.

    Awesome work as always and thanks for working your ass off for us 😀

  10. Loved it… The dirty old man is dead and I loved how simpleit was… Pam and Sookie messing with the Boob was funny… Especially love the closeness of Eric and Sookie…

  11. This chapter was AWESOME!!!! I was laughing so HARD about Bobby I was crying! Thanks for such a great chapter and the great laugh! And doing what needed to be done with Uncle Bartlett in quite the creative way.

  12. You had so much going on in this chapter that it was like Christmas. I’m going to admit that I kept getting distracted by those lovely pictures of Alex on the side – especially that one of him propped on the pillow – yum. I hope you can forgive me. Bobby – while he is a disappointment, I am forever entertained while he is around – he fulfills the role of the fool very well! Alcide is fantastic. And, can I be the sick one and say I was kind of hoping for a prolonged death. But, Eric’s fucking with Barlett’s head was epic! I did have a few moments of confusion regarding dialogue in regards to who was saying what because their was no name attached. Usually, it’s no big deal, but I thought you might like to know that there is that minor issue. Thank-you for sharing.

  13. Thank you for the new chapter of BTD. I was afraid I would have to wait until Sunday, especially since you’ve been so busy.

    I assume (as dangerous as that word is) that Alcide will have a slightly different character than he has in the books. Sookie’s elimination process is very efficient and logical. Not wanting to take a family man away from home is thoughtful.

    Thank you for getting rid of Bsrtlett. I’m glad he knew what was coming, too bad he couldn’t be made to suffer longer, or to lose his perverted life at an earlier age.

    Poor Bobby. Disdained, humiliated and unemployed. What will become of him? He’s not even cute enough to become a pet.

    As much as I am enjoying Alcide’s POV in AIW, are you going to continue with the NYC trip in L&D? I’m really looking forward to the wedding. And I love every character in the story (except Bill, of course). Plus, there’s the epic DS to continue…you will be an even busier girl! If I lived closer, I’d babysit.

    Of course, thank you for the updates to my favorite story, this one, BTD. I get the feeling that you don’t need sleep. You’ll have to tell me your secret to getting so much done.

  14. The sad part about Bartlett living into his eighties is that someone like that would have molested a lot of little girls along the way. He wouldn’t have stopped with Sookie and Hadley. Well done.

  15. Amazing as always. The first thing I read today, a prefect way to start the day. Poor Sookie thinking Eric was sick of her. Bobby, you fuck up, it is so fun to humiliate you. Alcide will be interesting addition to their routine. He is going to laugh his ass off, and maybe feel jealous of Eric. I will be very interested to see how Hunter does with this crazy bunch. Thank you so much for your great work.

  16. I forget sometimes just how dangerous Eric is…thanks for reminding me, I like my Sheriff badass.

    You know I was hysterical because of Bobby’s outfit.

    Just one complaint; the pictures over there <— are really distracting me 🙂 Beautiful, beautiful Alex.

  17. This chapter was so well played throughout. In a way Eric has been fairly tame for a good few chapters now, sure he and Sookie have been evil but its been in funny doses, aka salt in Pam’s shoes. Bartlett’s end should his true bad ass side which was really nice to see. I love all aspects of our favourite VILF.

    Love Alcide coming in as a guard, even his unwillingness to do it based upon Sookie’s previous actions. It shows what a truely good guy he is. Bet Adele would love to get her hands on him, though she may decide he needs feeding up a bit which might not be so good on that gorgeous abs of his :P.

    Keep up the good work and update soon.

  18. Another amazing chapter! That was harsh of Sookie at the beginning. No clue where she finds the will-power to deny fooling around with Eric. I know I’d never deny him. *snickers*

    I love your Eric so much! His little thoughts in response to something that was said are often very amusing. This chapter it was the thought in response to Alcide – “’All I got was straight teeth.’ And a strange reaction to full moons…” – which amused me most I think.

    I’d say, “Poor Bobby,” but he totally deserved it. Haha.

    So glad Bartlett is dealt with properly. I really thought Eric was going to slaughter him with his own hands, but this end was definitely much less suspicious. Looking forward to the Stackhouse reactions when they find out, because I’m sure at least Adele & Sookie will know who was behind Bartlett’s midnight outing.

  19. Having Bobby sing while dressed up was hilarious!! Great chapter and great job on the site changes! I’m not too picky though, I’d read your stories if they were hand written and sent ‘snail mail’!

  20. I’m thinking it’s a good thing I read this on my blackberry; I have no pictures on the to distract me.

    I really like the way you portray Alcide. Every story has him in a ‘good guy’ kind of role, and by the time you’re done developing him, I’m a little bit in love.

    I don’t want to tell Sookie how to raise the kid (Christ, I hate when my own mother offers me ‘suggestions’) but wouldn’t he need to be in some kind of playgroup at least? I’m just thinking if he spends all of his time around adults, who know of his telepathy, and are therefore a bit more careful with and around him, will he be able to properly develop shields? Will he be able to learn to ‘fake it’ and assimilate with his peer range? Homeschooling is a good idea, I’m just thinking social interaction within his age range would probably be beneficial for him. Does that make sense?

  21. Great chapter. I’m interested to see how your Sookie reacts when she finds out. We all know she will because they’ll “notify the family” and she’ll know the night he died. I hope she reacts appropriately.

    Love the trick on Bobby and interaction with Alcide.

  22. OMG the shit with Bobby was hilariously inspired!
    And the way you ended Sookie’s ‘funny uncle’ was sooooo much better than CH’s.
    Start to finish, this chapter was superb.
    Definitely one of your best!!!

  23. I need Eric to glamour THAT song out of my head! It’s in a class of its own when it comes to cruel & unusual punishment.
    Talking of punishment, Barlett road-kill was waaaay to nice an ending for the nasty old b*stard. With his body-parts spread across the highway like that, it probably looked like another Picasso.

  24. My family thinks I´m a weirdo…..
    My hubby was asking me what the hell was going on in your story since I was lughing my ass off and he doesn´t speak English at all….my daughter simply told me “mom you really need a strait jacket…”,and my two little toddlers were looking at me with big smiles,coz they copy their weirdo momma´s faces like little monkeys.
    Good one with Bobby.
    And very clever with Battler,though I´m intringued with Sookie´s and Adele´s reaction afterwards…

  25. I just reread this entire story which I LOVE!

    I love the affect the Stackhouses have on the vampires and possibly… now… weres.

  26. It sometimes feels that most of the characters are taking on the same persona… Not that I don’t like your story line it just seems a little improbable that all of the “good guys” would have the exact same tone and tamber to their sas and all the “bad guys” would be the same non-calculating, blubbering idiots.

    I do like the plot line.

    Question, wouldn’t Gran find the miller’s tale rude and inappropriate?

    I would have tortured Bartlette more. I think the twist of him knowing it was coming was great but I would have made it something slow like getting eaten by alligators…

    • You make a fair point about the characters, but you have to consider that I’m writing all of them. While I do my best to keep my characters as individual as possible, occasionally their traits cross over… But there also times when its intentional… In real life, depending on the situation people get along with one another better than other times.
      As for your question about how much Adele could enjoy Chaucer, I feel the need to remind ya that the Canterbury Tales are pretty tame compared to things she’s already ‘known’ to have read… I established that this Adele has read everything by Anne Rice… The ‘Beauty’ series was pure smut (delectably so). Nuff said…
      And… Bartlett’s demise…
      There are thousands of ways to die. Some more entertaining than others.
      However most of them would have included the need for Eric to touch the disgusting bastard…
      Notice: he rang Bartlett’s doorbell and sat in his car and STILL took a shower afterwards. Since there is a wild cat refuge in the area, I briefly considered that. Eric would glamour the uncle into an enclosure, but alas, a well fed captive puma wouldn’t be likely to attack when he’s used to humans. Wild animals are unreliable… And eric is nothing, if not efficient.
      Gator note: these vicious reptiles are often overestimated in the body disposal department. Funny factoid-they’re picky eaters and in order to completely devour a human the gator would have to be starving (not likely that time of year; most gator ‘attacks’ happen in the spring when they become more active) and the human’s taste would need to be disguised as something else, ie pork or poultry.

  27. I can’t believe i missed this update!!!

    Pure Fucking Win!!!! I love the Alcide interview!! awesome!! And I LOVE what you did with Bartlet…. fucking deserved it the bastard.


  28. Loved how he glamoured Uncle Bartlett… priceless and sooo deserved.
    And how she didn’t push him on who he killed (at the end) was so Sookie!
    But the Bobby scene with Pam making him all dressed up and singing was hilarious! You know how I love those Bobby parts and I’m going to miss him once Paulette comes along!
    But bringing Alcide in makes me smile!

  29. A hint if you want to use alligators –have you seen any of the show (now off the air, I think) if Nip/Tuck? It’s about two plastic surgeons in Florida? They got rid of a body by tying hams to it –was a funny episode; they were standing in line at the grocery store in the middle of the night with about 10 hams lined up on the checkout belt…and they tied them to the body and dumped it in the swamp —

    Anyway –just something to think about for later in the event the Sheriff is into another body disposal 🙂


  30. What a chapter! I laughed so very hard when they messed with Bobby. I’m so happy that Alcide is her guard and that Bartlett died horribly without Eric literally dirtying his hands with that filth.

  31. I love your writing, and this story. It’s so well done. I dislike, however, the choice to keep “humiliating” men by dressing them as women. It’s a sexist double standard in society. Women dressed as men are powerful or sexy. Men dressed as women are degraded. Just my 2 cents!

    • Just MY 2 cents-
      Loosen up.
      The outfit Bill was wearing would have been considered humiliating by nearly everyone I can think of. Yes, I know people who’d be willing to wear privately with a lover, or as a costume for an event where they’d blend in… Bill as being forced to wait tables at a formal affair, wearing a collar, leash and bunny-tail ass plug.
      Take note that in Meanwhile, Eric fantasizes about humiliating Lorena by gluing pennies to her and inviting people to spit on her.
      In ITD, Eirc has a lighthearted debate about ‘boy colors’ vs. ‘girl colors’ with Tina and Shelly.
      You also seem to be forgetting that i can’t think of many men who’d be willing to wear pink spandex pants in public…
      In order to humiliate a person, you have to tailor it to the specific person. Personally, I don’t take offense often. It’s pretty fucking hard to embarrass me.
      BUT if someone were to put me in “White. All white. From his platform, knee high boots… to his fishnets and lace garter and panties… beyond his vinyl corset to his tiara and lacy veil,” I’d be mortified and planning your death to try to get trough my embarrassment.
      That being said, I AM a bit of a sexist and it shows in my stories, so you might want to stop reading now if you’re sensitive to light sexist humor.
      *BTW… You left your 2 cents on the wrong chapter.*

  32. hello EIM
    found some for you to fix
    pairs up with ITD, chapter Blitzkreig “At least as far as far as Pam’s ‘digital catalog’ was concerned anyway.” you repeated “as far” you may want to delete one set.
    okay this one is about 3/4 of the way down nothing on the right side of it…. all i can say is Eric and Barlett just made it to I-20 “That’s a crap.” i think you might want to do one of three things here. take the “A” out so it reads That’s crap….. add in “load of” or add in “Just” and take out the “A” …. your call….
    thats all for this chappie Kristie

  33. bartlett got let off too easily in my opinion. eric should have gone Viking on his ass!!! even so, i just lurve this story! x

  34. Me too. A long walk out along a cliff top before the inevitable plunge would have taken out the inclusion of an innocent truck driver, but hopefully the driver is a tough nut with a sense of reality. It certainly wasn’t his fault…
    Another great chapter.

  35. that was a fitting end to sookie and Hadley’s torturer. it’s just to bad that she didn’t know eric as a child. the fact that eric was so appalled by her and Hadley being molested is a sure indicator that eric will be a wonderful father to him.

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