Bored To Death
Possibly the most bizarre part of my drive to Bon Temps to find My Sookie had been what was waiting for me at the end of the driveway.
It was always a tossup, but this time, I was met with the sight of another Me.
He was standing on the porch watching me approach in my Corvette…
The look on his face was a mix of wanting answers and wanting to pull something’s head from his body.
He paused before answering. “Hello?”
“You haven’t by chance seen a sexy, petite, blond telepath… Answers to Sookie?”
He growled, “You just missed her. She’s on a date with Quinn.” I wasn’t sure I could look more like I might vomit.
He wasn’t amused when I started laughing. “A date? She went on a date with… The Quinn?”
“Who the fuck are you and why the fuck do you think that’s funny?”
“I’m you… and it’s only funny in a ‘better you than me’ kind of way. Are you just going to stand there all night?”
“What do you mean… you’re me?” I’d had to explain too many times… it was the most tedious part of skipping… I’d gotten accustomed enough to the experiences that I didn’t detest them as much as I once had because, if all else failed, we’d learn something helpful if not entertaining… The idea of Sookie being on a date with Quinn was going to be a running joke for months.
“It began happening when I bonded to Sookie. We slide in and out of alternative adaptations of our lives. Differences small and large, seeing the outcomes if we’d made certain choices or things happened differently. Do you have a Bill Compton?”
It took him a moment to catch up to my question. “Unfortunately.”
“Would you like to help me kill him?”
He huffed, “That’s the last thing I need. He could mainline liquid silver on live television and Sookie would blame me.” Whiner.
“How is that? She should know by now what he’s capable of.”
“She should… however that cocksucker got to her first. I’m evil incarnate and poor Compton is ‘struggling to mainstream in a bigoted society’.”
“Sophie-Ann has a child named Hadley?”
He gave me a confused look, clearly unsure of why I asked. “Yes.”
“Did Sookie go to Dallas in search of Ferrell?”
“Did she end up searching for Compton’s useless ass when Lorena abducted him?”
“Yes. She was nearly killed in the process.”
“Did Hallow and her brother make a move on your Area?” Unless I was missing something, that was the most recent of the events that could help me narrow down the point of diversity.
“Since then… what’s happened?”
“Sookie’s been playing games. I was cursed with amnesia. Sookie took me in and from what I hear, we fucked for most of the week she sheltered me, but I can’t remember any of it. And… now she’s dating Quinn.”
“It could be worse.”
“About a week ago Sookie and I helped another version of us kill Hallow. That Eric had been without his memory for 3 months.”
I nodded. “The average is a night to a week without memories, but he won the prize… I’m anxious to meet them again. I’m wondering how he’s recovering… and of course, I’m curious about how his relationship progressed with His Sookie.”
“If he has my luck, she’s tossed him aside by now.”
“I doubt it. That Sookie never met Bill Compton. Which reminds me…” I pulled my wallet out and handed over our most recently updated Skip journal. “How is it that she’s forgiven him for his bullshit maneuvering?”
“I’m sure she’s oblivious. I’m not even sure of what he’s been up to while he lurks in her yard.”
“To begin with, Sophie-Ann sent him because Hadley told her that Sookie is telepathic. Hadley’s mother was a Stackhouse.”
“Fuccckkkk. There’s no way in hell Sookie will let me protect her from that.”
“Sophie-Ann is harmless. She just wants to hire Sookie. She had Hadley so…”
“Hadley is dead. She was ended a month ago.”
“How did she die?”
“No one knows.”
“If no one knows, then it was Waldo or Threadgill.”
“Threadgill isn’t that stupid. He’s only just married the Queen.”
“Shit. I’ll have to call her when We get home. We thought we’d caught all of those versions and corrected that problem.”
“In Sookie’s case, it seems like Bill Compton and Rene Lanier are a consistent problem for her. The only ‘happy’ Sookies we’ve met are Mine or Herveaux’s…”
“Is he competition?”
“He’s been an interference.” Worse things have happened.
“He treats His Sookie the way she deserves. He does it dressed as a lumberjack, but… Moving along… Sophie-Ann’s affliction seems to be Threadgill and, less frequently, DeCastro.”
“That’s no surprise… What has Compton done to Sookie?” Right back to the subject of importance. Nevermind that his Queen had married someone that would most likely attempt to murder her as soon as the ink was dry on their contracts… let’s talk about Sookie. At least his priorities were in order.
“It’s all on the memory card. He’s done everything to her you can imagine and more. I doubt there’s a single genuine moment of him in Your Sookie’s memory. To the best of my recollection, the file labeled September is the version that would be exactly the same as your life until just after Sookie was hospitalized after Lanier’s attack, but ours isn’t far from that. You won’t like the ending of that one. That Eric is suffering the throne.”
“There’s a version of Me that’s King? How the fuck would I let that happen?”
“He was given the option of marrying Sophie-Ann or simply being her Lieutenant. He took the post rather than the proposal and she was ended shortly thereafter. As it is, I’m Lieutenant. I negotiated Sophie-Ann’s marriage to Milne…”
“I thought so too until he insisted I was ‘promoted’ so that he can avoid dealing with Andre.”
“Did Arkansas or Nevada desist at all for ‘King Northman’?”
“Well… I’m actually proud of him for thinking about it, but he contacted DeCastro and Threadgill via conference call and told them to fight over Louisiana because he didn’t want the fucking thing to begin with. He sent the word out to his Sheriffs to lay low. DeCastro won…”
“Because Threadgill is all pride and no proficiency.”
“Exactly. Milne was in on the plan and was invited to New Orleans for the ‘coronation’… ‘King Northman’ and King Milne killed all of the Nevada Vampires in attendance. Milne is King of Texas and Nevada and Eric kept Arkansas as an excuse to rule from Shreveport.”
“Where had he been while DeCastro and Threadgill played? A safehouse?”
“He took his family to Monaco.”
“Sookie is his. They’re raising Hunter. Plus three guards and a day girl. Sookie’s brother went as well. I have the same entourage if you replace their Berts with my Adele. Alcide and Paulette are the only two that aren’t related by a blood tie. Family.”
“Blood doesn’t mean as much to this Sookie. I’ve just been informed that she isn’t Mine.”
“She can be. Just be honest with her. I was lucky and got in on the ground floor…”
Speaking of which…
The taxi sped up the driveway and screeched it’s brakes… the car was still bouncing when My Sookie shot out of the back seat, holding up her hand to flash her sapphire and running towards the porch in nothing but her white bikini.
I couldn’t help but laugh.
The other Me watched in shock as she darted past us to move the potted Gerber daises to fetch the spare house key with a horrified expression on her face. She’d killed people with less affect.
She hastily asked, “Sweetie, could you take care of the cabbie for me? No pockets.”
I nodded. “What’s wrong?”
She shook her head as she fumbled with the lock and finally shoved the door open. “I’ll be in the shower. Eric, please come in…”
She was gone in a blink and the other Me snorted as I reached for my wallet again. “Better you than me? Funny… That one smells like Quinn too.”
After paying Sookie’s fare and explaining to the other Me that the invitation was meant for both of Us, I joined Sookie in the bathroom, pushing the curtain out of the way so that I could at least enjoy the view since Quinn’s scent had ruined what her tanning session had done.
“I still smell him. Is it just in my head? Is it still strong or…?”
“It’s mostly in your head. Did Quinn touch you?”
“I didn’t even see him… I woke up curled up with…” She paused to gulp. “Whatever he took to bed last night.”
“Then… did he touch you?”
She snickered, “Thanks for that… she was interested in starting the party while ‘we’ waited for Quinn to get back to his sleazy motel room…”
“Don’t be so melodramatic… you can’t be so put off by women after the prank you pulled on me with Pam.”
She scoffed, “Pam didn’t reek like Quinn and cheap whiskey and she wasn’t broadcasting Tiger porn. I still feel like I’m going to be sick.”
“Calm down. If you want we can hire a trauma counselor.”
She tilted her head back to look at the ceiling and shout, “You hear that, right!? Mr. Sympathy down here… If you have any sense of humor at all, please, please, please… have him wake up spooning with Quinn!”
“Not funny.” The joke was, just not the imagery that came with it.
“It’d serve you right.”
“Actually, it’s only fitting that you wake in Quinn’s bed. The other You just ditched Me to go on a date with him.”
She gasped, “Noooooo!”
“Why the hell would I do that? Is this Me punishing herself for something?”
“This Sookie met Compton, dated him long enough for him to jade her against Eric, followed the more common path through Dallas then getting staked in Jackson, took an amnesiac Vampire in to have a guilt-free fuck-a-thon until his memory came back and has been playing mind games with him ever since. She basically told him that they’d been lovers, but shunned him…”
“He’s better off than poor Jan.”
“That’s what I told him… Would you like to hear something funny?”
“I know that tone. What are you baiting me into?”
She snorted, “Bullshit. Go ahead anyway.”
“I drove all the way from Shreveport…”
“You love driving.”
“To find You…”
“Because you love me.”
“This is the first time I’ve found Me instead…”
“Is this where you make fun of me for reading Jungle Book last week?”
“I was just thinking about how this is the first time my briefing went smoothly. I wasn’t hit or shot or insulted or accused or analyzed… Why are You so mean to Me?”
“I’m not mean. I’m passionate. Even when I’m being an idiot, I do it at a nuclear level. You can’t blame Me for how they treat You. I know how much You love Me and I always tell the Sookies we meet how lucky I am to have You. If I had any control over it, I’d fix them all before You had to deal with it. I know it breaks My heart every time You look at me like I’m a stranger. I can only imagine how it makes You feel for Me to be so hateful.”
“Fuck. Sookie, I was just going to make a ploy for sex to make up for how bitchy the other You is being with the other Me.”
“And I ruined it by saying something sincere, huh?”
“Yes You did. You should be ashamed of yourself.”
She giggled and stretched up to kiss me. “I’ll do my best to make it up to You when we get home.”
She was smirking when she stepped back under the water to rinse. “Why? You gonna divorce me if I don’t?”
“Maybe. We could reconcile and then enjoy another honeymoon.”
“That’s why they invented anniversaries… it streamlines things and leaves more time for the good stuff.”
I took her wrist and pulled her closer. “Why am I always waiting for the good stuff?”
“Because we have a family and responsibilities… and if we didn’t have to wait, we’d take it for granted.”
“That sounds like an Adeleism if I’ve ever heard one.” Yes, we’d coined the term…
“Are you finally going to argue with one?” She nibbled my chin, just to tease me, prove the ‘waiting’ point and stepped back to start the process of washing again.
I reached out to run my finger over the curve of her hip to get her attention. “Soooookie…”
She smirked and raised her eyebrow at me. “What do you want?” To get into the shower with her and fuck until we couldn’t walk. Unfortunately, I was going to have to ‘wait’.
“Bill’s at home. Can we go fuck with him?” The perfect way to kill time. It wasn’t every night that I had the chance to re-prove his lack of humor.
“Fuck with him how?”
“We can go fuck at the top of our lungs on his porch.”
“You two have fun.” Me and me? Cute.
I chuckled, “We have time since You’re out playing Siegfried & Roy…”
“You’re going to have fun with this, aren’t you?”
“Plenty, but you should be more concerned about how much fun Alcide is going to have with it.”
She gasped and yanked the shower curtain open. “You wouldn’t!” After the way she teased him after we hosted a version of Alcide and Sookie as a couple, it would’ve been wrong not to.
“Of course I would. It’s only fair after the way you taunted him. Bringing Paulette in on it was just wrong.”
She stepped out of the tub, taking the towel I offered. “What’s it worth to you?”
I followed her out to ‘her’ bedroom. “Bill.”
“I’m not gonna go have sex with you at his house. That’s just… Eww…”
“Then pranks. We have time to kill. Pranks so sophomoric he’ll think it was mischievous children.”
She gave me a naughty smile while she pulled on a pair of sinfully tight shorts. “Ohhhhh… I’m in for that…” She made a curious face as she sniffed the air and leaned over the bed. “Jesus… I didn’t notice it when we walked through earlier. They must’ve had a lot of fun while he was cursed.”
“I noticed. I can’t imagine why she’d turn her back on him afterwards though.”
She sighed and shook her head. “I can. He’s next door. Let’s go blow off some steam and then we’ll see what we can do for Emo Eric.”
Bright yellow dye
Who knew 24 hour mega-pharmacies could be so much fun?
The sugar was for the gas tank of Bill’s car… The Post-its were to cover the windshield and windows… The tropical punch Kool-Aid powder was dumped into the window washer reservoir… Syringes were used to inject the dye into the seat cushions so that Bill couldn’t know his clothing would be ruined as soon as he sat down… The forks, hundreds of them, were poked into the lawn surrounding his car… The milk and cottage cheese were for the hanging baskets on Bill’s porch. That would smell delightful after a few days. Something for later…
The Pièce de Résistance was the ‘glitter bomb’. The condoms were filled with glitter and scrambled eggs… rigged over the door with string so that when Compton walked out onto his porch he’d trigger the chain reaction that popped the condoms… covering himself with egg and sparkles…
It was the Vampire equivalent of being ‘tarred and feathered’ ever since Twilight had been published.
I wasn’t leaving without video.
Wild horses couldn’t drag me away.
The three of us ran (as heavily and slowly as we could, simulating that the pranking had been done by random children) to duck behind whatever cover we could find in the cemetery after what Sookie called a ‘ding-dong-ditch’.
We had more than enough time to ‘hide’ since we had the added pleasure of interrupting Bill’s ‘date’.
As expected, Bill cracked the door first…
Then said, ‘hello’…
Then demanded, ‘who’s there?’…
His date joined him at the door to coo, ‘Bill?’ questioningly…
He’d already spotted the obvious fuckery that we’d done to his ridiculous ‘old-fart-mobile’…
When his date noticed, she gasped, following Bill’s ill-fated steps onto the porch…
Bill had the chance to look up when he heard the first condom pop…
None of us were prepared for the projectile gush of what his date had fed him…
It was like watching a chemical reaction… the eggs went into his mouth and then he purged it all back… it was spectacular and almost as good as getting to kill him.
When his date slipped on the disgusting puddle of eggs, glitter and blood, I grabbed Sookie and dashed back to the house so that we could laugh our asses off without giving away our participation.
The other me wasn’t far behind us, and we only had a moment to laugh before Sookie quieted us because Bill was on his way across the cemetery.
It took her only a moment to demonstrate her inclination for wickedness…
The other me was instructed to reopen the front door and take cover behind the couch and as soon as he was out of sight, Sookie grabbed my shirt to pull me to the floor on top of her.
Half in the foyer, half in the living room…
I flung one of her shoes over my shoulder while she worked to open my jeans and push them down…
Ripping our shirts off of one another…
Staging a scene and setting the tone for a long night of blue balls.
When Compton stepped onto the front porch, I pulled her bra out of my way and bit, earning a moan as she arched her back up…
Calling me an opportunistic bastard, but still reaching between us to grab my cock…
Compton actually cleared his throat. “Sookie?”
She threw her other shoe at him and growled, “No. Not you. Go away.”
I added, “We’re busy, Compton.”
“It appears I’ve fallen victim to tomfoolery. Have you heard anything suspicious?”
I had my mouth open to make fun of him for using the word ‘tomfoolery’ when Sookie squeezed her hand a little tighter… all I could do was grunt.
Sookie huffed, “I thought I heard cars in the cemetery earlier, but it’s Friday night. You know that’s not unusual. Go home.”
He nodded, leaving his chin to wag and backed out of the house without taking his eyes from her marking. “Of course. Sorry for intruding.”
Sookie laid perfectly still, waiting for Compton’s mind to get far enough away before she turned to look at the other Eric and whisper, “Tell me you recorded that.”
He answered, “Of course I did.”
“Did you get my nipples or did you get the look on his face?”
“I caught the look on his face too.”
She giggled and pushed against my shoulders. “Alright you.”
“Alright what? This was your idea.”
“Let’s roll. I want to go home. Put it away.”
“That’s not fair. You were playing with ‘it’. You should put it away.”
“When we get home.”
She rolled her eyes as she straightened her bra. “I. Promise. Once we get a copy of his videos, I’ll clean up my mess… Sufficient?” More than sufficient.
Sookie seemed excited as we rode back to my house. Since there was a third member to our party, I let him drive and Sookie seemed eager for something from her seat on my lap and I was sure that it wasn’t the same thing I had hopes for.
Eric and I stood at the kitchen counter and shared our videoed memories of Compton, but he spent a bulk of the time staring at the way Sookie’s arms were draped around my waist… or where my hand rested on her shoulder.
Sookie finally said, “She’s being a bitch.”
“I’m not sure I want to talk about it.”
She sighed, “You should.”
“It’s not You I need to talk to. I’ve tried talking to her and she acts like she’s ashamed that we were ever together.”
“You should probably start by telling her that her whole relationship with Bill was a lie.”
“Because that news will just melt her! Wonderful idea! Even if she believes it, she’ll think I told her just to make Compton look like shit!”
“Quick, like a Band-Aid. Get it over with. It’s going to hurt her, but mostly because she’ll feel stupid for trusting him. I mean, honestly, it hurt me that he lied to me and I hadn’t given him nearly as much. And if she’s anything like the other ones we’ve met, she already feels a certain amount of guilt because being with him is why Rene went after her.”
“I’m waiting for you to get to the part that isn’t going to make her want to run away and change her name.”
“She probably will, but you’re going to have to give it some time. Nothing’s going to undo what Compton did to her…”
“She won’t believe me. Why don’t you talk to her?”
Sookie sighed, “I… I can try… Give me your phone.” Sookie couldn’t have been more disenchanted, aggravated with the delay from getting what she’d been eager for.
It took some work to do it without revealing who she was while Quinn was listening, but Sookie convinced her other self to meet us at a diner not far from the house.
While we waited, Sookie devoured a plate of steak and eggs that Jason might’ve had trouble finishing… and she was most of the way through a slice of pie when our party became a foursome.
The other Sookie stopped dead in her tracks at the sight of herself with two Mes and approached the table warily.
My Sookie pushed her plate away and sat back to lean against me. “Just in time. I was going to make myself finish that. Have a seat. We have talking to do.”
“Uh… yeah… wha, what’s going on? What is this?”
My Sookie pointed back and forth between the two of us. “This is your life with a few differences. The night you went to Fangtasia to look into Dawn’s death, My Eric had his dinner early. Yours sat on the stage long enough to get fed up and kicked a fangbanger for groping him. My Eric helped me figure out it was Rene and we’ve been together ever since. You though…. Ohhhh you… You got lost up Compton’s ass even though you had a thing for Eric… Bill has been betraying you from the jump and you need to just get the fuck over it and let him die the next time he’s in trouble.” Sound advice.
“How? You… I…” She stammered for longer than I thought was possible. It was definitely some kind of record. She finally managed to put a string of words. “I can’t just turn my back on him.”
My Sookie laughed at her. “Why the fuck not? You turned your back on Eric and you’ve actually got a reason to love him.”
She turned her head to scowl at her Eric. “Are you kidding me? How did you do this? I swear, Eric, this isn’t funny. Impressive, but…”
He looked at My Sookie. “This is what I was talking about. Everything is my fault.”
My Sookie nodded, but she was looking at Sookie. “You don’t get it, do you? You might as well forget everything you know about Bill Compton because it’s all horseshit. Hadley has a big mouth and was bragging about her telepathic cousin to her Maker. Bill was sent to check you out. When he met you and found out you’re a telepath, he decided to keep you for himself. THAT is why he was pissed that Eric found out. And just so you know, what you went through in Jackson was horseshit too. Bill called Lorena for help getting you out of Louisiana because he knew he’d lose you to Eric…”
The other Sookie opened her mouth to interrupt, but My Sookie continued, “Don’t lie. You’ve admitted to being attracted to him when you met him in Fangtasia. ‘Radiant and terrifying’… Anyway, Lorena and Bill set it all up so that you’d have to leave the protection of Area 5. Bill knew you’d be pigheaded enough to go alone, but didn’t bet on Eric caring enough to send Alcide with you…”
The other Sookie did interrupt that time, “But the database? That’s real. Bill’s still working on it as far as I know.”
My Sookie nodded. “Bill’s little database was why Sophie-Ann called Eric to find out why Bill wasn’t replying about more data she’d sent him. She was amused by his hobby. It’s kind of her thing. She amuses herself with other people’s hobbies because she doesn’t have time for her own… She has a tendency to make everything sound like an emergency… The point is that everything you know about Bill is a lie to cover what he’s really up to. Even the Rattrays attacked to give him an excuse to get his blood into you.”
“Then I shouldn’t trust the Queen either?”
“The Queen only sent Bill because Hadley was homesick. He was supposed to meet you and Gran. As soon as Sophie-Ann found out that we aren’t Vampophobic, she sent her plane to take us for a visit. By the time we came home from New Orleans I had a contract and a retainer check. I ended up making 7 figures in 3 months. We travel all over and Gran’s been to every battlefield between here and Gettysburg…”
“Your Gran’s still alive!?”
“Because I have Eric, yeah. He’s been looking out for me since the night I met him… Look, I get this is weird, but we’ve met a dozen versions of Us now. I’m determined…”
I corrected her, “More stubborn than a mule.”
My Sookie giggled, “A pain in the ass…”
I nodded. “True fact.”
She patted my knee and went back to what she was saying. “No matter what, Bill is poison. The bigger part he has in My lives, the more miserable I am. Jason is always Jason. Gran is always Gran… Quinn is always a dirt-bag too. Not only does DeCastro own his mother so he’s a puppet waiting for his strings to be pulled, but I got here via his hotel room with last night’s date. Your date ending early isn’t something to lose sleep over… But the biggest thing you need to keep in mind is that Eric will always do everything he can to keep You safe. He always has.”
The other Sookie narrowed her eyes at Mine. “Ok. Assuming that I’m not just dreaming and this is real… I know I was wrong about Bill. I didn’t know all of that, but if I can make that mistake, you could too. What makes you so sure that you aren’t wrong about Eric?”
When My Sookie rolled her eyes and looked at me, I shook my head. “You know what You’re like when we skip. Don’t look surprised.”
“Seriously. How do you put up with me?”
“I don’t put up with You. I love You enough to marry you. I put up with Them.” We usually didn’t share that detail with versions of us that weren’t already together, but I was hoping the shock value might bring the other Sookie down from her high horse.
“YOU’RE MARRIED!?” Both of them blurted in unison. Their voices echoed through the restaurant.
I nodded. “Bonded in August. We surprised Adele and Pledged in Longyearbyen in October, but we added the traditional vows to make Adele happy… We started talking about children after a skip where Sookie had children… We’ve been trying artificial insemination since February. We couldn’t be happier and we feel sorry for nearly every skip, but we might not realize how lucky we are otherwise.”
Sookie nodded. “It sucks that you lost Gran because you got conned by Bill’s lies, but it could be worse.”
“We gave a copy of our journal to Eric for y’all. Bill’s gone to the point of turning a Sookie when she tried to break up with him… and then there was the Sookie in January…”
I contributed, “That one was so completely broken. No spirit.” Jason had called her a ‘Sookie wrapper’.
My Sookie continued while the other looked ill. “She was a telepathic blood slave. Bill was sharing her with Lorena and her ‘sister’… Like I said, it could be worse…” The other Sookie was close to tears. “You love Eric and the only reason you don’t trust him is because of Bill baggage. If you meet a version of Us who wears a ring with blue butterflies, you’ll be able to commiserate a little more. She lost Gran and has the same baggage… but she was smart enough to not let it get in the way of what she has with her Eric. It’s not Eric’s fault that Bill hid things from you. If Eric knew about Bill’s horseshit, he’d have told you. As a matter of fact, we were just going to go home. We weren’t going to call you, but he knew that you wouldn’t try to believe the journal unless you saw Us for yourself. He was worried that you wouldn’t let him explain before you accused him of trying to trick you… Now with that being said, I’m going to the bathroom so that we can go home. You two have shit to talk about and we have a life to get back to.”
The silence between the two Sookies was loaded in the car as we rode back to Eric’s house and Sookie’s eager mood returned.
The other Me thanked Sookie quietly as he took his Sookie to the den with his laptop. He even mentioned that he hoped he’d have better news for her if there was a next time.
And when we were all done, she practically dragged me down to ‘our’ room.
She pulled her shirt off and tossed it to the floor, approaching me with her hands out for my belt. “What is this mood you’re in?”
“I’m in a good mood. I’ve been in a fabulous mood all day.”
“Except for waking with Quinn’s leftovers.”
She pushed my shirt out of her way so that she could start nibbling down my chest. “Don’t remind me. Leave it to him to shit on my parade.”
“Are you trying to distract me?”
She giggled, giving me chills. “If I was trying to distract you, I’d have done this…” She bit into my side, pulling until the wound closed, giving me that intoxicating ache… irresistible urge…
The perfect marriage between pleasure and pain…
Sublime bloodlust that only Sookie could spark…
And it had been too long since she’d bitten me…
She played her tongue over the fresh skin as she lowered to her knees…
I growled, “That would be a yes.”
She scratched my hips as she pulled my pants out of her way. “No it wasn’t. I’m ‘cleaning up my mess’ remember? I promised.”
Before I could argue, tell her I knew she was full of shit, her lips were wrapped around my cock.
I stopped caring that she was up to something and let myself get lost…
Only careful to keep my eyes open because I wasn’t ready to go home yet.
Not when everything was ideal for the time being.
Even when we’d enjoyed the Dark Season in Norway, that 192 hour night wasn’t enough.
I’d found myself in Sookie’s position. Since I didn’t need to rest when the sun was set, I found myself waiting for her to wake up…
Most everything else filling idle time…
And pushed Sookie to decide that she wanted to go back for the Dark Season as often as we could sneak away, but specifically, the first one after I turned her.
Sookie crashed into my chest when ‘we’ were finally exhausted and spent a few minutes catching her breath while I amused myself, twisting her hair between my fingers… it was a new tick and it only bothered me when I was idle in public and couldn’t do it.
She finally asked, “You ready to go home?”
“Are you going to tell me what you’re up to when we get there?”
She lifted her head to scowl at me. “That damn bond makes it hard to surprise you.”
“You managed at Christmas.”
“Did not. You were happy with the surprise, but you knew I was up to something. I had to blindfold you.”
“Fair enough. It’s still harder to surprise Hunter though. At least I can’t read your mind.”
She closed her eyes and giggled, “You win.”
We relaxed, laying quietly together for just a few minutes before the smell of sunlight began to fill the room and the noises of the family moving around upstairs reached us.
Sookie had sunbathed and brought the scent back to me, only for her scent to be ruined by Quinn’s whore… but the aroma was lingering in our room as though we hadn’t spent hours fucking with Compton’s feeble head.
The first thing Sookie did was scan the minds of our family to make sure everything was fine…
The second was leave me to reach under the bed and pull out a gift. It was obvious that it was a picture because of the shape. And it was either monstrous or had an insane amount of matting around it.
“Does this need a ‘set up’?”
She nudged the gift towards me and laughed, “No. Just open it.”
As I ripped the paper away from the frame, the ‘picture’ caught my eye immediately.
List or Manifest Of Alien Passengers For The US Immigration Officers At Port Of Arrival
Sookie smiled at me from the other side of the frame. “To hang in your study… That’s you on line 17. Erik Nordmann.”
I had a very good idea of where she was going… What she was hinting at…
“Do you like it?”
I nodded. “I love it. What brought this on?”
“I ordered it for Christmas, but it didn’t get here in time. So I hid it away for another occasion.”
I felt like something was wrapped around my throat. My ears burned. My mouth felt dry. “And what’s the occasion?”
She shrugged as she reached under her pillow to pull out a small velvet box, a jeweler’s bracelet box. “This came today. I figured they’d go together.” Something that fit in a bracelet box that had something to do with my retired ‘Human’ identity? She had to know she was killing me.
“You bought a bracelet for me? My ring isn’t enough of a marking?”
She leaned over to kiss me. “I’d put you on a leash if I could and you know it.”
“You would? I think I’d be tempted to wear it.”
“Are you going to open it or not?”
I held it out to open it, lifting the lid slowly and keeping my eyes on Sookie’s face…
Realizing it was too late to tell myself to not get my hopes up…
It was too soon…
The doctor said it could take several tries…
It took two tries before we saw that precious little purple +.
**Since there have been so many questions about donors and whatnot, I thought I’d try to clear that up. Even though you all know I like to keep some mystery to some of the story elements, this isn’t one of those things where I’m being sneaky…
Genetically speaking, Eric’s line would be watered down by about 40 generations of other hereditary contributions so tracking down his lineage wouldn’t do them any good. Mathematically, if each of his three surviving children continued his tradition of having 3 children each, then increasing as such, it would stand to reason that you could throw a rock in Uppsala and hit a descendant of Eric’s since his increase would amount to a fifth of Uppsala’s population. That’s a conservative estimate too… some of my Scandinavian ancestors put the ‘big Catholic family’ myths to shame. 😉
Eric and Sookie just found an anonymous donor who was tall, blond and blue eyed at their friendly neighborhood sperm bank. Because Vampires can’t father children, the ‘father’ line of the birth certificate will read Erik Nordmann until Eric adopts.
Hope you enjoyed the glimpse.
OMG their pregnant, but who’s sperm did they use? well we now have a New Sookie and Eric to watch over and she how their life evolves in front of us thank you for a new verse my best KY
Hmmm, somehow i missed this in the new stuff. caught it by accident
Anyways…another awesome branch of BtD… loving each one as much as the last.
When did you post this one?? I missed it! I kinda wanted Sookie to kick bizarro Sookie’s ass. It really annoyed me that Sookie went off with Quinn after Eric got his memory back, I never really understood it.
Thank you!! and Awwwww hooray for getting that +!! So awesome.
Don’t know why I didn’t get an update email for this but..oh well. Glad I thought to look on my own.
OMG they’re pregnant *happy dance* Sooo exciting! I have to ask too, who’s sperm? Please, at least let us know that much.
Awesome follow up to the CH chapter. Never did like Sookie going out with Quinn…in any verse! Really great. Thanks. YOU ROCK!
Aww! They’re having a baby! Adele is surely going to lose her mind, and I’m curious about how Hunter will take the news. I thought she might have been when they mentioned they were trying and Eric noticed how much she was eating. Something tells me this version of them will be on track soon as they already have a connection to one another.
Well congraulations are in order for the Northmans. Did they just use sperm from a doner that looked like Eric or did they find a decendant of his? IN pertaining to the skip couple…..I think this is the first one where She has dated Quinn. I wonder if he is being sent as an advance man to DeCastro……Will Sookie get in his head to find out? Will she prevent a coup? I love your endless imagination.
OMG! OMG! OMG! Squee.
Sorry, calm now.
this is so fantastic… I love these stories and your writing. I know, I say that a lot. But, this is how the books SHOULD have been. The snappy dialog and actual plot lines. I can SEE this happening and HEAR the words spoken as I read it and that is really amazing. Thanks again.
Your writing is just amazing. I can’t wait for the BTD sequel to officially begin!!
I can’t believe Sookie and Eric are going to have a baby!!!!!!!! I love it! I love them! I love you!!! You are too awesome for words. So glad there is you to entertain us with such amazing Sookie and Eric. I don’t know how you come up with and keep track of so many different yet similar worlds but I am so glad you do. Keep it coming it would be a sad world without your writing.
I couldn’t agree more with you! A world without her writing would be a very sad place indeed!!
They’re having a baby, that is just…Awesome!! And I so can’t wait for the sequel to Bored to Death. Of course, I love all these skips, and check my mail daily just to see if something new has flowed from you amazing mind!!
Thank you for sharing your wonderfulness with us!!
Yes, it is. She is still missed.
I totally LOVED it. The “tomfoolery” with Bill was epic especially the glitter bomb…LMAO. And YAY!!!! I can’t wait to see Adele’s reaction to the baby news!!!!
Totally agree with you, tomfoolery haha, the absolute best!!! And would love to know whos the father for sure…
Oh Wow, What a great skip, i can’t believe their pregnant,im so happy for them.
Can these two just show up now, in Dead Reckoning, and give book Sookie a good ol’ bitch slap?! She’s gotten beyond frustrating. I swear she’s going to end up with Sam, and if that happens all my books are being dropped of at the library!! **sigh** Oh well, at least I’ll have your stories to soothe the sting. 🙂 Thanks!
I’m glad they agreed to speak to this Sookie and not leave poor Eric there to try to convince her. You could leave Precious as is but far be it from me to complain if you decide to expand it.
Did they do invitro with an anonymous donor or is this pregnancy, Infinite style? Gran is going to be over the moon. There’s no such thing as too many great-grandbabies.
Cannot wait for the BTD sequel. Thanks.
+ Yay!!!!! they are going to be a Family XXXxx an even bigger family Xxx
Omg. Poor sookie waking up to that.ewwww. Glad the other sookie/eric were reasonable this time. Another great outtake.
oh my gosh such awesomeness……totally rockin all your stories.
she;s preggo…who’s sperm? kids gonna be big and blong blue eyed right?….are we gonna get follow up on this sookie and eric that are in den reading journals????? wonder how hings go for them…love it and you did great. nice to get more back ground on them all too. keep up the awesome work. love it love it love it.
This is great!!! Love catching up with BTD and Meanwhile E and S! Any chance we could get a peek at Pam and Monkey Pam from Meanwhile? I really want to see that for some reason, in fact I’m laughing at the thought already. Great work as usual. Cannot wait for more 🙂 -S
Fantastic, as always. And–I hadn’t even thought about it before, but I totally agree with Synova, I would loooove to see Pam and Monkey Pam from Meanwhile…the idea had me laughing out loud at work (thank goodness they’re used to my occasional random outbursts of giggling!).
This ties up the marriage and pregnancy questions from some of the skips. I love Eric asking why Sookie is always so mean to him. It’s true.
Poor Sookie, waking up with Quinn’s floozie. Yuck! I’m glad the new Sookie and Eric listened. And our favorite couple are pregnant. Wonderful!
Awwe..I can’t believe it. This s awesome. Did they try and find someone from his line or is this an anonymous donor? Fabulous chapter.
Fixing CH’s fuckup’s now are we? I loved it and BTD E/S are in the family way – Sweet!!!
OMG!!! Tears…tears in my eyes. How the heck did she find a descendant of his. I’m guessing that is the reason for the picture. Truly brilliant!! I can’t wait to see where this one goes!
Read it again and its still a great cross oveer hope the new S/E works things out and we hook back up with them….. i still love that she is pregnant……
That is just so… freaking adorable.
*crying happy tears* OMG their gonna have a baby!!!! Oh, so happy for them 😀 Please tell me your going to add to this?!?! PLEASE!!!
Great chapter btw 🙂 haha
This was awesome! I love that they pranked Bill and were (seemingly) able to break through this skip’s Sookie’s idiocy.
Can’t believe that they’re pregnant and I would love to see Adele’s reaction to the news!
As always, I love your work and look forward to more:)
Love the pregnancy —
Would there be a possibility of a ‘skip’ where Adele meets Adele and warns her about Rene? No sense in just one Sookie enjoying her living grandmother –spread the wealth!
Duckbutt…what a marvellous idea for a skip. Adele skipping to save another Adele. We can all hope Ericizmine takes the hint….
brilliant absolutely brilliant. so sad this is a one shot. curious were this couple could end up, book Sookie is such a dumb doormat at times
Such a sweet end.
!!! Awww Sookie and Eric babies 🙂
I love what you did with Quinn’s date – tiger porn. eww.
tiger porn is too funny, bill is still a pos, but it would be great for this Sookie and Eric to get together soon. great news for them, yay
Pranks… Tomfoolery… Old-Fart-Mobile… *Snicker!*
I started to beta this but the vomiting got in the way. This may be an odd compliment but I still managed to read it between bouts and it helped take my mind off it.
There’s an accolade you don’t often get, snigger.
This chapter was my favourite of this week’s marathon,5 star.
Where did the stars go???
Yaaaaay! I love how in love they are and now they’re going to have a baby of their own! So sweet!
Hey – I did that same thing for my dad. I found his family’s ship manifest on the Ellis Island website. It showed my great-grandfather and mother, my grandfather and his brother all coming through. I also had it shipped as a Christmas gift for my dad, and I was waiting with bated breath to see if it would arrive on time. I thought that was a great piece for our family’s history.
As for the baby? Thanks for the author’s note. That was a great explanation. I love that Sookie gets to eat her cake and have it, too. And here we’ll get another chance to see the Viking humbled by the miracle of birth – but this time, Sookie will be having his child.
I didn’t get a notice about this chapter, either. Just plain weird.
I’m glad that Sookie and Eric have their spiel down so that they provide the pertinent info upfront on the skips and the others grasp the concept sooner. That part has got to get old for them.
Off to read the next!
Yes I didn’t catch this the first time either.
I love this so hard!
I was laughing so hard at what they did to Bill. So glad she is going to get away from Quinn and get to know Eric. Too bad she had to suffer Bill and losing Gran. I want to know more of what happens to this Eric & Sookie. Exciting that our original E & S are pregnant tho. Thanks so much!!
I loved this story!! So glad you let us in on the pregnancy and the marriage and the pranks on Bill were to die for! I love the Multi-verse. And this was a great addition that really added a lot to their story. Thanks!
love it!! the pranks were too funny as was the quinn debacle! i hope they work it out(the other version)
For some unknown reason I’ve just discovered this now?ahaha… gorgefest on your fics today nom nom nom =D
OMG! awesome new beginning for those two! I really hope you continue with this!
I really hope you continue with this! I love it.
I love this whole series. It was amazing. Excellent work. I have to go back and read all of the stories again.
Hope this genetically close match to Eric includes his brains too.
I have to start over with all your stories again while I wait for updates.
So happy for the traveling E/S that they are pregnant. – Loved their wicked sense of humor with Bill. Too funny!
The hosting E/S sound like the ones in CH’s books. If so, there is not much hope for them. We are extremely lucky that we have you writing these wonderful stories for real entertainment. Love the multiverse. Such a great idea.
even though i have read it a few times finding out she is pregnant was a tug on my heart strings…. Kristie
I’m curious about your ‘4000 generations’ figure: the usual estimate for a generation is 20 years. Eric is a thousand years old, give or take, so mumble 20 years mumble five generations in a hundred years, mumble ten hundreds in a thousand so ten times five is… fifty generations in a thousand years. Or if you prefer traditional arithmetic, 1000 divided by 20 equals 50. So where did you get 4000 generations? I think it would take a species that can go through its reproductive cycle (i.e., be born, reach maturity and give birth) in 90 days to shoehorn 4000 generations into 1000 years (four generations per year times 1000 years equals 4000).
It’s a typo… The conservative estimate should have been 40. Sorry
It’s fixed now that I’m at a computer too. 🙂
-Thanks for the head’s up
hello hon oops….”About week ago Sookie and I helped another version of us kill Hallow. That Eric had been without his memory for 3 months.” missing A…. About a week ago … KY
OMG Hunter as a big brother! Will the child have the fae gifts? Loved what you did to Bill. Him having his mouth filled … laughed so hard I snorted. The image is priceless! Thankyou. Thankyou.