Chapter 5: Face Time

It Can’t Be

Chapter 5

Face Time

**

“I don’t want you to miss it. You should go.”

I shook my head as I loosened my tie. “I’m not going anywhere without you. If you aren’t in the mood to party, then I’m not either.”

“No. You should go. I’m just going to spend a little bit cleaning the apartment so that getting out of here is easier.”

She didn’t look back from scrubbing the tub. When we’d gotten back, she tossed her cap and gown into the trash can. I pulled them out and put them in the top of a box with mine. “You’ll only get to graduate once.”

“And you’re the one I want to celebrate with.”

She scoffed, “Eric…”

“I’m. Not. Going. You’re the only one I’d dance with. You’re the only one I’d talk to. There’s no point in going if you won’t be there.”

She stomped as she stood up angrily and pushed past me. “Fine. I’ll. Go.”

I had to catch her. “Sookie, that’s not what I meant. I wouldn’t be celebrating graduation anyway… I’d be celebrating what’s next. I don’t need a party to be excited about being with you.”

“I really can’t stand for you to be sweet right now, Eric.”

“Come on, Sookie. You should be happy. After all the stressing you did over your grades, you managed to graduate Magna Cum… You did it. You should be proud of yourself.”

“Thanks for telling me how I should feel. I’ll get right on that.”

I let go of her and started pacing. “Goddammit Sookie… If you won’t tell me what’s wrong, it’s not fair for you to take it out on me.”

“It’s not something I… I can’t explain it… I’m sorry.”

“Why can’t you explain it? Do you think I won’t at least try to understand or is it that you can’t describe what’s going on?”

She heaved out a heavy breath. “Even if I could bring myself to describe it, I’m pretty sure you couldn’t understand.” The non-committal answers and ambiguity were wearing me thin. I had no idea of what to do. It was like she wanted to wallow in whatever she was going through.

“Do you think you might be able to tell me eventually, or is this what it looks like when you push someone away?”

“I’m not trying to push you away.”

“That was a half answer.”

“I don’t know. I don’t know if I’ll even need to explain… I just…” She threw herself onto our mattress that was going to be put on the curb on our way out of town in the morning and covered her face in with one of the pillows I’d bought her for Christmas to go with the sheets she’d asked for. She said something into it, but it was too muffled for me to understand even if it was meant for my ears.

I laid down behind her and pulled her to me. “Sookie, if you want to stay in school…”

“That’s not it. I’m glad it’s over.”

“Can you tell me what you want then?”

She started to tremble… more crying and it took her a while before she could calm herself down enough to say anything. I’d learned by then to just wait. Asking what nerve I’d touched, any kind of push or encouragement only made it worse. “I want to move to Shreveport with you. I want to start our new jobs on June 1st. I want to rock my career like I rocked college. I want to marry you. I want to have… I want to have babies with you… I want to get old with you and do things that embarrass our grandkids with you.”

“That sounds like a perfect plan. Count me in.”

“Things don’t always go as planned, Eric.”

“Then we’ll adjust. Everything will work out.”

“No it won’t.”

“We’ll figure things out as they come to us. That’s all anybody can do. No one’s life is smooth sailing start to finish.”

“We’ve already had a lot of rough water though.”

“But we haven’t drowned yet. We can take more.”

“I don’t know if I can.”

“You’ve got me to help. You’ve always got me, Sookie.”

“You know… no matter what… I’ll always love you. Everything but that will change.”

She was starting to scare me again. All I could do was pull her closer and tell her that I loved her too. Even that was a problem. Every time I’d said it for weeks caused tears. As little as ‘watery eyes’ up to sobbing and everything in between. That time would be considered ‘sobbing’ but at a new level I hadn’t seen yet. Her whole body convulsed against mine. Choking and hyperventilating… until the pillowcase and my arm were soaked and stained from the mascara that washed away from her lashes.

That’s how she fell to sleep. She trembled in her sleep even after I pulled the covers over us and drifted to sleep myself…

And then I woke up alone.

My sleeve was still wet and smeared.

I changed my clothes took one box and our mesh hamper down to the truck and waited to grab the garbage because I was sure, positive, 100% certain that Sookie would be back with McMuffins, maybe a can of cashews and some Big Red for road snacks…

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

**

I was standing at the sink, washing away Bob’s funky odor in an oddly familiar kitchen when everything thing hit me all at once.

Sickened and energized… and all because of a set of headlights.

I wanted to kill her for cheating me out of my son’s life… I wanted to hate her for what she’d done and how much she made me worry… but the worst and most undeniable urge I had was to touch her… to make sure she was real. She’d lived in my imagination for so long that I needed to be sure that I hadn’t finally snapped and created a fantasy while my actual body was strapped to a bed in a padded cell somewhere.

I watched… hands still under the running water and it didn’t occur to me that I was just as visible as she was until she looked up from her purse.

Her expression was confused when she laid eyes on my car then spotted me when she looked in my direction. She seemed to shrug off the surprise quickly enough to give me a little wave and a smile on her way to the trunk of her BMW… over the hundred or so feet between us and glare from the glass, she’d mistaken me for our son as much as Jason had on the phone. It was the first time I’d seen her smile in so long… she’d been so peculiar before she left that she took that with her too… And the pictures she’d left, albums full of smiles and hugs, needed to be boxed up about 10 years ago. I couldn’t pass our albums without picking them up. They caused more than one skin-of-my-teeth deadline.

She’d filled out. Every bit of her little pink sundress fit perfectly to her slightly fuller figure. Maybe 10 pounds difference, but she’d always been self conscious about being too thin. Having a baby, or maybe just eating something other than Ramen and peanut butter, had agreed with her.  Her hair was much longer… It was pulled up in a clip, but it was still hanging between her shoulder blades… it wasn’t the same blonde I remembered; less golden, more ash.

When I realized that I’d been wasting water, I turned away in search of a towel to dry my hands.

There…

On the sideboard…

Separating the kitchen from the dining area…

I hadn’t even realized it was missing, that she’d taken it until that very second…

She’d taken the model to her house… our house… the honeysuckle and glass house. The house our son walked through and knew right away that it was honeysuckle instead of wisteria… the house that he’d been pacing through earlier while I spoke to Jason… She’d kept the house I planned to live in with her.

I was still staring at it with my back to the door when she came in. “Hey sweetie, why are you home? I thought you were having fun with Jason and Crystal.”

“I missed you.” I couldn’t help it. My feet were frozen in place. I wasn’t pretending to be Eric… I really had missed her.

She giggled and I heard the refrigerator open. “That’s sweet… And don’t worry, I won’t tell any of your friends that you said that.”

“Promise me something.” While she moved around behind me to put groceries away, I couldn’t take my eyes off of the model. The lanai’s fireplace was different… I’d remembered it wrong.

“That depends. If you came home so that you could go to that concert, you’re barking up the wrong tree. I don’t think you’re old enough to go alone and you don’t want me to go with you.” I’d reduced the size of the balcony on the master for structural reasons.

“Promise me that you won’t run away and lock yourself in the bathroom.” The model had a garage that I’d joked would hold her mom-mobile and my sports car… but I’d modified the plans to make it my home office. It had been 5 years ago. I was losing hope.

“What? Eric, you’re acting funny. What’s going on?” I could feel her eyes on me heavier than my clothes.

“Sookie…”

She deepened her voice and grumbled, “Eric…” She’d done it… it sounded as automatic as if she’d been teasing me about being too serious all along… Then there was a loud slap.

I’d thought that she might have dropped something, but when I turned around her hands were over her mouth and she’d started crying so violently that she looked like she’d been at it for hours. She was still beautiful. I took a step towards her, but she stepped back and hit her hip on the edge of the counter. I had to force my hands open so that I could hide them in my pockets. I’d never given her a reason to be afraid of me… EVER. “How’ve you been?”

Her sobbing seemed to morph into maniacal laughter for only a moment before she started hyperventilating.

When I took another step she bolted for her purse and fumbled for her cell phone. “Sookie, I’m not going to hurt you…”

She squeezed her eyes shut, shaking her head. “Stop it. Stop. I thought this was over… It’s been so long.”

He found me, Sookie. I wasn’t going to ignore him. You had to know I wouldn’t turn him away.”

She dropped her cell and buried her face in her hands. “Stop. Stop it. This isn’t fair.”

“You really don’t want to mention fairness to me, Sookie.”

She sunk onto the floor and mumbled into her hands, “I knew it. I knew better. I knew better…”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“You know what I’m talking about. Why won’t you just leave me alone?”

When Eric came downstairs, barefoot and holding his T-shirt, I nodded in Sookie’s direction. Approaching her wasn’t an option for me and the longer she acted like I was to blame for anything, the closer she got to being right about being scared of me.

She wailed at him, “Not you too!”

“Mom… What’s wrong? Something come back and bite you in the ass?” He looked like he wanted to kick her while she was down.

I gave him a dirty look. “It’s nice to see that you’re not being malicious and cruel.”

He snorted. “Yeah, well, you’re the one that wants answers. I want to get the hell away from her before she has the chance to lie about anything else.”

I shook my head at him. He was right. I did want answers, especially since Sookie was flipping out as though we were to blame. And he was just as right to want to leave. I squatted down in front of her, honestly hoping that if anything, she’d stab me to death and put me out of my misery. I put my hand over hers and she twitched, but this time, she looked at me. “Sookie, we deserve an explanation…”

Eric added, “And a time machine. Don’t forget the damn time machine so that we can make up for what you did.”

“Eric?”

We both asked ‘what?’ and she didn’t seem to realize that Eric was in the room anymore, let alone that he snapped his reply.

She moved her hand to grab mine. “Eric?” She said it like it was the first time she’d ever said the word.

“Yeah?”

“You… You’re… You’re real?”

“As opposed to what?”

She dropped my hand and scrambled to her feet to push herself back against the fridge and stared back and forth between Eric and me before clapping her hands over her mouth again to wail, “How?”

Eric looked at me and rolled his eyes before he stormed back upstairs. “How what? How did he find me?”

She nodded, still hiding behind her tiny hands.

“Architectural Digest… Is it my turn to ask questions?”

She nodded again.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why everything Sookie. Why did you leave? Why did you keep him from me? Why stay hidden? Why?”

She shook her head.

“You’re not going to answer me? After all this time?”

“I can’t it… I… It’s too…” Fuck it. I’d been replaying everything about her in my head for so long that ‘I don’t know’ and ‘I can’t’ were engraved in my eyelids. I didn’t need or want more of them.

“He’s furious with you.”

“And you hate me too! I told you that everything was ruined!”

“It would have been fine. Eric wants to go back to Shreveport.”

“I’m sure he does.” Her breathing sounded calmer, but not much.

“Are you going to let me take him?”

She bolted past me and barely made it around the counter in time to throw up in the sink. Choking and sobbing. A small part of me wanted to hold her hair back. I settled for handing her the towel I used to dry my hands when she was done. “To Jason’s or with you?”

“I’m not sure what he wants. I know I’d like to get to know my son and I know he needs some time to calm down now that he knows that I didn’t know anything about him.”

Her chin quivered as the water works started again. “I’m sorry.” She calmed herself even more.

I rolled my eyes. “Don’t do that. Don’t stand there and tell me you’re sorry. ‘Sorry’ doesn’t cut it when you took off and never looked back. Put it in writing that I have your permission to take MY son back to Shreveport.” I could live without headlines like: Prominent Local Architect Booked On Kidnapping Charge.

She nodded and went to a drawer to pull out a steno pad. Without another word, she began scribbling.

She walked over and held the paper out to me. “That’s it? You have no problem giving him to me… Answers would kill you?”

She took a deep breath. “It doesn’t matter does it? You both hate me.”

“Try me.”

More tears, but she tried to fight them. “I didn’t think he was yours.”

My jaw seized. Clamped down and if I’d let myself move it all, she might have ended up thrown through the front window. “I looked for you. I wore out my welcome at every police station between Pennsylvania and Louisiana all this time for someone who left because she didn’t have the grace to tell me she cheated?” I was lucky to have gotten that much out. I was tasting blood.

I watched her throat clench and imagined my hands around it. “I had… I was going to get an abortion. I was going to try to pretend it didn’t happen, but I couldn’t stand the idea of killing our baby… if he was yours.”

“But you’d kill your other boyfriend’s baby. I should feel honored.”

I’d been too centered on her to realize Eric had come back. He’d been listening. “So… the other guy… he was the donor of the day, huh? Did we live in his double wide for a while before things ‘didn’t work out’ with him either.”

She looked down at her hands. “I deserve that.”

He took a furious step towards her. “You’re goddamn right you deserve that! You actually made me feel guilty for wondering about him and all this was because you were a ho!”

She shook her head. “I didn’t mean for it to be like this. I didn’t mean to hurt y’all… it snowballed.”

“It was that Niall guy, wasn’t it!”

She shook her head again but didn’t answer him.

“So that’s it? All you’ve got is that you wanted an abortion and you didn’t mean to hurt anyone? That’s. Just. Fan. Freakin. Tastic. You made me give a longer explanation for breaking curfew and… You know what? This is BS…” He turned to storm out.

“If you just calm down…”

“I don’t have to calm down! You’ve been lying by omission since I was born! I’m allowed to be pissed! So is he!”

“I know.”

“THEN WHY THE HELL DIDN’T I MEET MY FATHER UNTIL I WAS OLD ENOUGH TO HAIL A CAB!?”

“Because you stopped asking… It took me a long time to pull myself together and by the time I did, you’d stopped asking. Eric didn’t know and I thought you stopped thinking about it. I’m sorry.”

“Pull yourself back together from what? Taking off in the first place?”

“Among other things.”

“Among other things… Among other things! Seriously? Once I started putting stuff together, I thought that he took off because of me!”

“He wouldn’t have…”

“THANKS FOR TELLING ME NOW!”

“Do you want me to explain or…”

He shook his head. “No. You can go fuck yourself.”

“Watch your…”

“DON’T EVEN! If he doesn’t want me then I’ll guilt Uncle Jason into letting me stay with him. I’ll be back to get my school records and the rest of my stuff before school starts. I’m done with you.”

He snatched a backpack from the stairs and when he left, he slammed the door so hard the window next to it shattered.

I couldn’t fault him. He’d blown up on her like I would’ve if I didn’t have more experience controlling my temper. I hated that they were hurting, both of them. Even though I wanted to hate her for leaving like she did, taking Eric and never telling me that I was a father, never telling him that he had a father

I knew that I hadn’t gotten the whole story yet.

Not that hearing the whole story would erase what she’d done… but… I really did need to hear it.

Something had gone very wrong and I’d been oblivious.

I wondered if I had been the only one of us that was in love. If I was smothering her… if she tried to just break up with me, then I would’ve stalked her. After all, that’s what I’d been doing anyway. Ever since she left, I’d looked for her. Google laughed at me every time I entered an S into the search field. I’d typed her name so many times that it automatically suggested that I search for Sookie, Sookie Stackhouse, Stackhouse… Every time I traveled for work, the first thing I did in my hotel room was look for her in the phone book. I’d emailed the detective looking for her so many times that I’d accidentally gotten an eVite to his daughter’s wedding. I hadn’t just refused to give up on her, I’d been obsessed.

Looking at her made me feel sick, but I still couldn’t take my eyes off of her. I’d loved her for 18 years. That wasn’t going to change in just a few hours. If I wanted to kid myself, I could hope that I could get over her before I died.

**

She stared at me like the magic spell to unfuck our suddenly complicated lives was written on my forehead. She used to sit as far from the TVs in the student union as possible because they were constantly playing Springer and Maury… She hated those shows and what the people on them did to each other. They reminded her of the battlegrounds she grew up on and gave her a reason to want to leave the tiny town she hailed from so that she could be ‘better than that’ since all she learned from it was struggle and pain. As it turned out, she hadn’t left it all there.

“Jason mentioned adoption.”

“You talked to him?” I didn’t owe her any clarification.

“He said that you told him that you were planning on putting Eric up for adoption.”

She nodded at the floor.

“What then? You knew when you saw him that he was ‘worth keeping’ more than the other guy’s baby… What would you have done if it was his? Adopt him out and wait a couple of months to heal, then find me to pick up where you left off?”

“I don’t know… maybe. After 7 months you might’ve forgiven me for keeping secrets… I…”

“Sookie, until this morning, I’d have forgiven you. The way you were acting before you disappeared, I thought you’d left to throw yourself off a bridge. I’ve been afraid to answer my phone since you vanished.”

“I’m sorry.” Another answer free apology. That was the last one I was going to take.

“Food, skin allergies? Insurance card until I can add him to my policy. I want his birth certificate and social security card so that I can take him to get a learner’s permit. Since I didn’t get to help him learn to walk, I’ll be teaching him to drive… And if he wants, we’ll change his name BECAUSE HE’S A NORTHMAN!”

She nodded. It was the first time I’d ever yelled at her, but I finally had a really good fucking reason. “They wouldn’t let me… I wanted to…” And if she’d just called the baby’s father, he could’ve signed the birth certificate.

“Sookie, if you hadn’t gotten pregnant, would you have ever told me?”

She shook her head. “No… I never would’ve left.” She’d have cheated on me and never admitted it. She’d have kept it a secret until she found a way to justify the next time and the next and the next…

My arm bumped her shoulder when I stormed by her. I couldn’t take any more answers. The more she gave me the more I felt like the fool for looking for her, let alone loving her. “I’ll be waiting in the car with my stranger.”

128 thoughts on “Chapter 5: Face Time

  1. The Erics are so mad and all because she didn’t trust their love from the beginning. Mm. Mm. Mm.

  2. Oh, come on! That’s all the explanation he gets? Yeah, obviously there’s more to the story, but she didn’t deny the cheating accusation. Sorry, Sookie. I was on your side. Now? Not so much. That was your oppurtunity, in case you missed it.

    • Heh – “If you were waiting for the opportune moment?…THAT was it.”

      Am unsure about how I feel about this story. I adore how you write, and your person-person interactions, not to mention mental mastications, but I’m spending more time wanting to beat the life out of whiny Sookie in this one. I’m glad you don’t keep her in the same mindset in all your stories, and will be happy to see where this goes. Glad you got the writing bug this week!

  3. o girl. OH GIRL.

    you”ve been so great getting these first 5 churned out~don’t
    leaving us haning on this too much longer!

    • That’s my take on it…she was raped. Wonder if her rapist’s name was Bill Compton (if that’s the story). This just gets better and better. Thanks for updating tonight!!!

      • Bill is Eric Sr.’s neighbor — I don’t think he is the rapist, that is if there was even a rape… we could all be on a wild goose chase for a non-existent rapist

    • I still think that she was, but I am thinking it was with someone that she knew. Maybe that she thought that was her fault for leading the person on?!?

  4. I’m putting my guess out there now. I’m guessing she was raped and that why she was so weird before she left and why jr says sheaves so skittish now.

  5. OOOO all the non answers!! I’m all angsty in the chestal area! You big tease.
    Another fabulous chapter, I want to hug all of them, even though I’m mad at Sookie I still want to hug her… mostly I want to see what happens so uh… may I have another update pretty please?!?! 😀

  6. I just knew that there would be tears!!!….oh my goddess, please tell us that chapter 6 is saved and just waiting to be uploaded!!!

    • Yay for other Lynns! (you’ll help me come up wigh bogus names and emails next time an offer like that comes up, won’t you?)

  7. AAAAHHHHHHHH! How can you leave us hang like that, lol!??! All I can say, is “WOW!” I still think there is more to the story, she didn’t want Jr. to hear the rest, or she can’t talk about it. Hmmmmm, you are quite the evil lady, aren’t you? lol Great chapter, none the less!

  8. Your stories are like crack, I’m totally addicted. I find myself rushing home to see if you’ve updated.

    I’m loving this story. Finally a face to face with Sookie and Eric Sr., but still we are not getting the whole story. I’m having the feeling that they both are gonna feel very bad for being so angry with her.

    • That’s what I think too…at least I hope so! I refuse to believe that Sookie ruined their lives over a simple fling…I agree that something much bigger happened. But, I think both Eric’s are going to feel hatred and resentment until she finally comes clean! Hopefully Eric Sr will dig a little deeper! The question is, will she?!

  9. I was both overjoyed at desolate when I saw you had posted.
    Joy – they meet again!
    Oh no – she’s not gonna tell him Jack shit yet.
    You left me wanting more. 🙂

  10. I was both overjoyed and desolate when I saw you had posted.
    Joy – they meet again!
    Oh no – she’s not gonna tell him Jack shit yet.
    You left me wanting more. 🙂

  11. No hate mail from his corner. I’m starting to get the feeling that Sookie is hiding a lot more. I don’t think she was right, and Erics have every right to be pissed as hell, but her reaction seems off for someone who cheated and hid a pregnancy. Hell, even if I’m wrong, I can’t wait to see how life plays out for Erics. Loved the chapter, pit everything on hold to read it, and I was so not disappointed. I am excited to read the next chapter.

  12. I have been checking for an update every hour since yesterday, I am officially addicted. Please update soon. I need my fix

  13. to answer your question, if you didn’t post tonight I would have gone crazy refreshing my email and making sure the email didn’t get lost in Spam…

    I was starting to understand Sookie a little better, but after the way she gave no explanation for her actions I’m back on the other side
    also, another cliff hanger — you love tormenting us don’t you?

  14. Wow! Not much of an explanation –but maybe, just maybe? After all, she’s got two Vikings pissed real good at her right now……
    Pat

  15. Holy hell that poor kid…I get that she was probably raped but she should have told him. I’m surprised he handled her as well as he did. Great story, as always.

  16. So glad to see Eric’s not the lying/cheating one here. I feel sorry for him, he’s been looking for so long only to find and get bitch slapped with her lies. Hmm…can we kill Sookie?! Or at least smack her around a little. Great chapter for a great story! Can’t wait for more.

  17. Still no answers, and she did not disagree with the cheating comment, OMG I know there is more to this story and I need it otherwise remember the bomb shelter comment on Chap 4 comments, my family is so going to need it!!!!

  18. My goodness! I’m so sucked into this! Whose baby did she think it was? What happened to make her cheat? I need answers! Obviously, she went nuts for a while in between then and now.

  19. I’m thinking rape or incest. It sounds like more than just a one time assault, but something clearly happened. I don’t get the cheating vibe here. It sounds like Sookie’s been hallucinating a bit, too. We we learn about what happened soon?

    Btw, I love the new story and the smaller chapters with frequent updates work just fine for me. Write what you want how you want. We obviously like it.

    • I completely agree with your take. Sookie is clearly psychologically damaged, not to mention self-loathing. That has to be rape.
      I didn’t think incest at first but you may have a point.

  20. I really didn’t think she would just blurt out the answers, especially not with her son listening. I don’t think that she has really come to terms with what happened to her and I still think it was rape and that she is a still a victim… thus the therapist. I think that she has always expected to be rejected and shunned by Eric as her punishment and her half answers are causing him to do just that. Look forward to your next update!

  21. Sookie is not one for giving answers apparently. but the more i read the more i am convinced she was raped and not until Eric was born did she know who the father was and by that time she probably figured she had lost Big Eric for good because she ran away. Maybe if she just told him when it happened or when she found out, her life would have been with him and not without him…. I feel sorry for the boys since they want answers and she is defiently not giving them any …awaiting the next chapter

  22. Okay…..My minds all over the place with this update…..I see the possibility that she may have been raped and its caused problems, both mentally and emotionally for her…..I see that there are so many signs that would have any one of us (dedicated readers) come to this conclusion BUT what I don’t see is how the hell this twat (yes, I am calling Sookie this from here on out) can scribble away her son on a piece of paper and just let him walk out of her life…..I don’t see how it’s even remotely possible that she can excuse away her actions with ‘I’m Sorry’….Really?….OMG this twat is absolutely infuriating..!!!!!….Damn it! You’re so good at writing these two that I’m close to popping a few more of my bp meds just to calm down…lmfao…This right here is the reason I check for your updates…..You’re a serious contender for an Academy Award on writing Angst, Emotional Upheaval and God knows what else!…Awesome update and believe me Crack Master I will be back for more! 😉

  23. Surprise! Awesome face to face.It must have been bad for her not to tell them what happened. I don’t believe she cheated on Eric. I’m sad for the two Eric’s. I feel bad for Sookie. She did what she thought was right for everyone. They will calm down and we well get to the answers eventually.

  24. I’m thinking she was raped. I just can’t imagine her cheating on him and besides that she obviously has some issues. I’m hoping you’ll take pity on us with a fast update! 🙂

  25. Hmmmmm cheating doesn’t cause anxiety that strong and hallucinations of the man you love. WTF? So much…such a good chapter. Loved how he played it off that he was little Eric until asking her not to run. Super clever that the teenager can have all the outbursts adult Eric and flashback Eric are too mature for. It had to have been hard to walk away from a Guy who says the things E does in the flashbacks. I’m dying for the real back story and the appearance of sookie’s backbone when she is on something other than mom mode about a concert 🙂

  26. Pure evil…thats what you are and I’m pretty sure you’re proud of that…but I agree with masses and my vote is for rape…she just doesn’t strike me as a cheater…oh and im so in love with this story

  27. I think he’s jumping to conclusions.
    I don’t want poor Sookie to have been raped, but I’d rather that then her just cheating on him….

  28. I’ve never left a review before, but I have read most of your stories and loved them. I wasn’t sure about this one. Angst between mane couples gets to me. But I think it looks like she didn’t have a choice when she slept with another . I’am very interested in seeing where this goes. You seem to have a very (us vs them) theme in your stories so I am looking forward to it. I LOVE all your stuff and am waiting excitedly for more updates on all. Thanks for all!!

  29. GOD! why is it so f***king hard for her to give a goddamn answer?!?! she’s turned into the one thing she said she (they) never would….her mother! UGH!!

    i know that something happened to her but damn! please tell me that we get to find out soon & in ONE chapter…and not be an evil bitch by splitting it into 2 or 3 chapters???

  30. I am loving this story. I just knew their face to face would make me cry. I’m thinking that she was probably assaulted and was to scared to say anything. She thought she was doing the right thing. If I had to guess I would say she wanted to tell him but she was to scared and time unfortunately just slipped away. I LOVE the shorter chapters and more frequent updates…..I am already so totally hooked. You had me at new story.

  31. Maybe it was just a drunken one night mistake. But why couldn’t she just admit that? If she’s been in therapy, she should be able to give them some kind of straight answer. It’s hard to imagine the rage I would feel if one of my children were kept from me.

    Cindy

  32. Omg!!! You know you are cruel. Hate mail is right. Lol. You are such a freaking tease woman. I love it! Hurry up and post the next chapter before I explode. Lol

  33. OK… Is this really Ericizmine or Drumbo??? Extreme angst… Extremely frustrating Sookie… A Sookie not able to communicate… *wink* …just joshing.

    You’re playing us like a fiddle though!

  34. Loving this story. The only thing I have to suggest is making it a little more clear who is talking. It got a little confusing for a second. I wanna know who she cheated with!

  35. I’m giving both Erics for not chokin’ the bitch. After 15+ yrs and what I’m guessing is a fuckload of therapy, she still can’t give them any answers! The only thing that might gain her some sympathy from me is if she was raped. But the amount would be so small it would be negligible. THEY FUCKING DESERVE ANSWERS TOUT DE SUITE! I’ve got ZERO patiences for cunts with non-answers.

  36. Yeah both Eric’s are pissed especially Jr.. Yesterday I thought he was being disrespectful with his words, today I see where he is coming from. The hurt, the pain of not being able to have the choice to know or bond with his father and him thinking is was his fault all along, so sad! I don’t think Sookie cheated on big Eric I think like the majority on here that she was raped and that caused her issues. I don’t think anyone can understand the overwhelming change in a person when something that devastating happens, the confusion, despair and the pain she would have caused Big Eric in her mind, even tho she is wrong for leaving she probably thought it would ruin his career. And no wonder she ran she was a kid and had no idea what she was going thru, she needed to talk to someone, a shrink to get past her self destruction not knowing who to trust, but they were broke as shit so how would you pay for something so needed. Heavy shit id say, love this story, it is deep. Thanks so much for the update I appreciate it!!

  37. Therapy, halucinations, surrounding herself with things that remind her of the only happy time of her life…to me=PTSD, and a rather severe case at that. I’m convinced that she was raped on spring break (considering the timing) but by whom and under what circumstances is the question in my mind.

    I can’t wait for your next update (be it this story or Meanwhile)! I can’t wait to see how the Erics react durring their drive home, how they settle in together, and how the truth (I’m certain that there is more to they story) will come out.

    Fantastic work, as always….even though I want to stuff Sookie’s hair in a garbage disposal and turn it on, LOL!

  38. I’m not getting the cheating vibe either. She wouldn’t have needed therapy all these years if that was the case. Something happened and she did not trust in Eric enough to tell him or she was too ashamed. Perhaps an acquaintance rape? In those kind the rapist can convince the victim that it was their “fault” and they “asked for it.” Disgusting. You can see how that could mess with a person’s head. But her lack of faith in Eric is very disappointing. He still loves her though he is very very angry. Her child will be harder to get to come around I think. I realize that you are rolling this out slowly, but I would love at least a small whiff of the real reason and not the BS that we have gotten from her so far. Her whiny I’m sorry is insulting to her son and his dad.

  39. really? she cheated?! really?! why?!

    I’m rapidly moving away from Sookie’s team on this one… if that is indeed the real reason…

    was she drunk and flirting and it went too far? I just, I don’t get how she could consciously choose to cheat…

    I’m looking forward to more! 🙂

  40. OK, I don’t think I buy cheating. I’d have to go with assault or incest. What I seriously can’t understand is that if she said she wanted a life with Eric, job, house, kids, etc…why could she not trust him to tell him what happened to her and that she was pregnant? WTF?! I just don’t get it! I love all the Sookies i all your other stories, but I am really having a tough time being sympathetic with her. She seems extremely selfish to me to have kept both her son and supposed love of her life in the dark for 15 years. Ugh! Well, now I need to ponder over this and wait with bated breath for your next chapter and try to sleep as it is frickin’ sleeting and thundering and lightening. Go figure. Mother nature is schizophrenic in WI.

  41. Oh man… I would love to hate this Sookie so much, but there has to be a twist in the next couple chapters.

    On a side note, I love how different your characters can be story to story; I’ve been reading AIW, and she’s so different in that story. Is this part of your vendetta against the Harris version of her?

  42. At this point the girl will have to have gotten raped/drugged/threatened with murder of eric or some combination thereof to make up for this crap or else I’m giving up on her. And she should just spit it out now otherwise I’m going to doubt Sookie’s intelligence. *shakes head*

  43. Great chapter and great story!! I can’t wait for more. I hope Sookie comes to her senses and explains more to both of them.

  44. Okay – the biggest part of me hates the idea of anyone – yes anyone – cheating on Eric. So, I’m going the “not with her consent” route.

    I know she didn’t deny the cheating allegation, but in her back history, which element has more shame associated with it – cheating or rape? Would her mother and father been more ashamed to find out she was raped than she was having an affair? It wasn’t that long ago that that attitude prevailed. Rape was something never talked about or even acknowledged.

    She’ll let the father take his son to “her” house. She won’t be able to leave things the way they are when the men drive away, and she’ll show up at Eric’s house and realize that he’s wrapped himself in her the way she’s wrapped her self in him, home-wise. They’ll talk and finally get the real story out on the table.

    It’s gonna take a lot to get this couple to their “happily ever after”. It all starts once Sookie starts giving real answers to the Erics’ questions.

    Can’t wait for the next chapter!

  45. Regardless of what happened to her……..running away, not confiding in or seeking support from the man she said she loved, and not telling her son the truth regardless of whether he asked her not is absolutely selfish and ridiculous.

    Perhaps if she has a mental illness that can explain away her stilted thinking and propensity to be evasive I may give her some slack. Otherwise there isn’t much that will make me sympathetic to Sookie’s behaviour or actions.

    Sigh…. the angst is killing me. My heart aches for young Eric. Bad situation all the way around.

  46. Your killing me…. you think you know what is happening/happened and then Sookie manically laughs like Eric Snr is a hallucination. Nice work…. Muses keep musing along!!! Need more… need more answers

  47. I can’t believe she still didn’t give an answer and is letting Eric think that she didn’t love him as much as he thought she did…… I seriously can’t wait for an explanation as to why, I hope it comes soon 🙂 and I’m glad were gonna see more Eric/Eric bonding 🙂

  48. Sookie needs to fess up before your devoted readers go crazy!!LOL I understand why both Erics are so mad they have every right to be I just hope that when at least one of them calms down a bit they will give her a chance to explain. I gotta hand it to her though she didn’t try to stop Eric from leaving with his dad. I can’t wait to read more.

  49. So not sure where you’re taking the whole Sookie thing, but I really feel for both Eric’s. And a spineless Sookie is so unlike you and your writing style, so I can only surmise that this isn’t going to be the norm for this story. Though I am not an advocate of rape, I’m really hoping that that’s the case here and Sookie didn’t cheat on Eric. Eric can still help her now if she left because of a rape situation, but not cheating. I’m such a fan of your writing, but I don’t think that I could read his forgiving her for leaving him the way that she did, depriving him of his son (who she obviously knew the father of at birth) for 16 years AND cheating… unforgivable. Sorry, but those are my thoughts.

  50. Well I don’t think she cheated. I am not sure what happened. What ever happen really screwed up her head. I love the story. Jr is being very mean to his mom, but he doesn’t know any better. Sr. knows there is more to the story he is just not thinking.
    Linda

  51. Who was she gonna call? Has she been having visions of Eric Sr. ? I know something happened on that trip but not sure what. Wouldn’t her friends have noticed? Mentioned something to Eric? Still alot of questions that have yet to be answered and even more come up. Can’t wait for #6!

  52. After reading all these reviews and laughed my a$$ off with them, I can honestly say that you have stirred the beehive. The hate mail towards Sookie “The Twat” (as she has been named) for her non-answers and the angst that we have to live with till the next chapter is epic. I have not enjoyed these reactions in others and myself over a story EVER! Congrats on your writing.
    ** And yes I’m cushioning (is that a word?) the reviews by splitting them up, in hopes that you’ll post chp.6 when this reaches 100. **

  53. I think ill be stressed out tomorrow if u didn’t update icb. Damn I’m effing hooked to this story. Thank u for the daily updates. =D

  54. hmm she said your real? im guessing she had some eric hallucinations. werid i get them too… lol

    she missed her chance to tell erics what really happen. i feel bad for her bc her son just walked out but it is her fault. cant wait for the next update to see how everything pans out. will this be a hea?

  55. I love ur version of Eric… really enjoyed his emo side in this story… his love for Sookie is palpably epic.

    uhm as for Sookie… uh well… i’ll reserve my judgement when I have the full story. This Sookie is quite different from btd sookie or ss sookie…

    I usually don’t read angst filled stories but damn u write soooo good. I believe that ill read anything uv come up with. Just like texanlady. In my book, U two are the best.

    Hope ur muses keep inspiring u.thanks

  56. I’m convinced of a few things. Sookie really loved Eric and still does; Eric really loved Sookie and still does; she didn’t have a guy on the side – something bad happened on Spring Break. Not sure exectly when Spring Break is but as Eric jnr worked out he was conceived around mid-March I’m thinking SB is around the same time? Medical science isn’t all that exact when it comes to pregnancy so it sounds like she never knew, until Eric jnr popped out, who’s baby she was carrying. That must be the most awful dilemma to be in. How hard it must have been for her to cope with the physical & emotional changes of pregnancy when that huge question mark was just hanging there over it the entire time. Layer on top of that she ran off and left the love of her life behind – cannot imagine the turmoil and sadness she must have had to cope with.
    I’m Team Sookie on this one and I can’t judge her for the decisions she made. I’m also Team Eric because I want him to dig deeper and find out the truth and the real reasons for her changed behaviour and why she left. They both need to go back and resolve it so they can move on to a HEA. I’m hoping you drag the resolution out through many, many chapters though as I love a good read and that’s what you always give us 🙂 Thank you.

    • Spring Break is usually mid-March. In fact, my University’s break was the week before last (Monday the 7th-Friday the 11th).

      I agree with you about Sookie…I hate what she has done to her family, and I wish there was not so much pain in thier lives, but I can’t hate her. I’m certain that something truly traumatic happened to her, but I can’t for the life of me figure out why she did not “cope” better (though I am not implying that she should not have been effected). Undergrads at all universities usually are required to take Intro Psych as a gen. ed. requirement, and with the hell of her childhood, I am apt to believe that she should have had more backbone or perspective facing whatever happened to her. But, from what I understand of PTSD and the human psyche, that may not have been possible.

  57. Ugh, just read this after reviewing the other chapter. I still think rape & Bill. I can understand Sookie clamming up there and not saying it though. Letting him believe there was someone else would be easier and harder. Can’t wait to read more.

  58. Rape? A teacher? Whatever happened hat got her spooked? Before, I was really angry at her. Now, I am totally in her corner. Hopefully when Eric calms down, he starts thinking things through.

  59. AAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!! next chapter please!!!!!!!! I cannot believe it is as simple as just Sookie cheating on him. I feel like something else happened, like she was raped or something, and she is just too ashamed to admit it. Or she’s in denial? I dunno…

  60. OK I have to say that I dislike the new shorter chapter format. I’d rather wait for a longer time and have a whole scene then read a story full of cliffhangers, even if they’re emotional ones.
    I think I have some idea of what went on with Sookie but I’ll look forward to confirmation. Looking forward to more.

  61. Do you think we will ever get a chapter with a Sookie POV in which we get to see her in a session with her therapist? That would be interesting! That way, even if she is not ready to make a full disclosure of what happened to Eric Sr, she would be able to talk it through with her therapist.

  62. Wow!
    The girl has more issuses than I thougt she had.
    She’s actually been hallusnating of him… She’s a master in surpressing feelings thats for sure.
    Was she raped, and how? The theory about accuatians raped is the most likely in my head. Or a party that got out of hand where comom sence flew out the window. I don’t known what to believe. But I smell Quinn as the “other man”. ( if it was consentual on her part) Or maby Victor… Grrrrrr… if it was rape.

    My god this Sookies is killing me…. running,never answering questions…… ignoring her love for Eric sr. (Coward!)….. really she’s just as bad as can’t get. (I’m thinking I need to read some BTD or S&S to feeling good again)

    But I understand how Eric sr. is feeling though… all the questions and anger fly out the window when you’re in the same room as your love, and all you crave is to feel fysical contact.

    I can’t even begin to understand the anger Eric jr is feeling.
    My tears are running and my heart is bleeding for them all.

    Hoping,,hoping hoping or another chapter today!
    You rock my world!

  63. Someone in an earlier review mentioned maybe Sookie was raped and that’s why she behaved so out of character and ran, I think that is probably right and it’s also why she is finding it so hard to explain, even now. Eric Jnr mentioned she was seeing a therapist, I think thats why – to cope with the rape and its after effects. Its sad though that even after all this time, she cant tell her son about his father, that is going to be pretty hard to forgive.
    Loving the quick updates 🙂

  64. Our Sookie is most definitely a masochist. Eric’s memories of their time together just before she pulled a Houdini confirms that. I’m with most of the others in thinking that she was raped (either against her will, or after being drugged)..and knowing Sookie, of course she would blame herself completely. Especially if it was someone she and Eric knew..Pretty sure it happened on Spring Break when the girls went away together. So, do any of her friends who were along have clues that would help. And you can kind of imagine, if she didn’t tell him what happened at the time (blaming herself), then finds out she’s pregnant..how does she tell him now without it looking like she made the story up?…you are so cleverly evil with your plot..all three of them have suffered..they need your help now.. Why are you reading reviews when you should be WRITING THE NEXT CHAPTER!!

  65. Get right back here young lady and tell us what happened!

    I think she was forced, maybe a Professor? She didn’t tell Eric because of what he would do?

    But then the baby was his. So sad 😦 she didn’t want to be on Maury, but that wouldn’t happen with Eric, he loved her.

    When she follows them, if she let’s them leave, she will see his house, see he did the same as her and know he never stopped loving her.

  66. I love me some angst. There’s really nothing quite like it, and this chapter was great for it. Between lil’ Eric and big ol’ Eric with their (rightful) rage to Sookie showing how genuinely haunted by her past she is, I am enjoying this. There’s obviously more to the “cheating” than what we know, but it should be a fun angst ride getting there. I like delusional, traumatized, therapy-needing Sookie. She’s not dull, that’s for sure.

  67. Oooohhh! That was ‘springer-esque’ and I loved every minute of it!
    Yeah, I hate Sookie now too and can’t believe she cheated on him! Was it with a professor? Was she drunk? We need answers Sookie! 🙂

  68. I was expecting the cliffie since you’ve already said you were waiting for your hate mail to start rolling in…. But it didn’t calm my mood,and the worst is that probably Sookie’s truth will not be revealed in the next chapter…he’ll maybe we’ll have to wait for more than two or three,since both Erics are going together and this is all Eric’s POV…. More than 100 reviews….congratulations,again!

  69. OK, I’m going with – her Dad raped her . . . he was an alcoholic and abusive to Jason – we’ve already seen the clues – maybe that’s it – but once she realized Eric Jr. was Eric’s why not go back? Shame? This is killing me – outright ask her what happened – if Eric Sr. is patient enough to listen, then the story should unfold – unless it comes from her friends and he pieces it together? She may think “better he thinks I cheated than the truth” – and what truth could be worse than the Dad getting at her?

  70. Wow congratulations on a powerful chapter, so not all the answers we wanted but a start in the right direction….. Sookie is clearly carrying a heavy burden…. wracked with guilt looks like she doesn’t believe she deserves Eric snr, pushing him away by not tell him the full story around thinking jnr wasn’t his. She happily handed over Eric jnr’s care to his dad (?)

    hated by the people she loves the most, has Sookie come to the end of her rope…..i still think she was roofied while drunk so that she doesn’t know really if she conscented to the sex or not, through flashbacks or hypno she realised she was raped, that would make you jumpy thinking every male you met could have been your rapest. yeah that would mess with your head.

    Looking forward to more
    JoXx

  71. It’s costing me more times to read all the reviews than it does to read the actual story. And, you know if you cause such reactions, you must be doing something really good.

  72. Hate Mail? Not at all. I think I’m starting to piece some things together: nervous and jumpy from before she left Eric to present, therapy, halucinations, saying she deserved being called a “ho” by her son. Here’s my theory: she was sexually abused by either her father or Uncle Barlett as a child and told that she was worthless and nothing would ever worked out for her, that she was trash and always would be. She finds Eric and thinks all is well, she’s finally proved them wrong. Probably on the Spring Break vacation – as it’s away from Eric so he would miss some things – she was raped. I’m thinking she had probably drunk too much against her own better judgement and got into a situation that rapidly got out of her control. (I’m not thinking roofie because that would imply attack and she seems to feel guilty like it was a choice she made thus proving her childhood abuser correct in her fragile mind.) This brings on PTSD from her childhood that she never really dealt with. She thinks she can hide it, but then she’s pregnant so that option is out – she’ll be exposed as everything she was told she was. She has to leave because she doesn’t deserve Eric, she’ll ruin him and everything around her. I think she was on meds for her hallucinations but was told she could stop taking them, that’s why she reaches for her phone to call the therapist and says she knew better.
    Interesting possible twist: the rapist could have been Bill. Apart from being the standard FF villain of choice, he could have been at their campus and seeing him around made her even more jumpy. I’m wondering if she will go to Eric’s house, see Bill and… IDK, faint, freak out.
    I also feel a bit disturbed by all the derogatory names being thrown at Sookie and threats and such. It’s clear to me her mind snapped at some point. Did Eric or Eric G. deserve what happened? No. Did Sookie? No. Life is a bitch at times and none of us live in a vacuum. There is never just one victim in a crime and people don’t always make the perfect, best choices even when they are sound of mind. I wasn’t expecting the E’s to get real answers, especially as their appearance was a surprise. It’s an awful situation for all of them, but I’m looking forward to reading them work it through.
    Brava on taking chances on a new type of story! Thanks!!

    • Just want to clarify, I meant names and threats in comments not in the story. This obviously touches a nerve for many people. 🙂

      • I agree…I don’t hate Sookie either!! I think she is broken and will take time to heal, especially now that Eric knows she’s alive and that he has a son (or maybe not???). I think she wanted that life with Eric so bad that she surrounded herself with things that reminded her of him and wanted Eric Jr to be his so she named him after Eric Sr. She wasn’t expecting to see Eric that day and was not really prepared to answer his or Eric Jr’s questions…I don’t blame her for not giving in depth answers. She probably figured since Eric Jr hates her (at least for the moment) it was best to just let Eric take him for a while rather than have him run away…I have a feeling he was gonna leave with or without her permission. I don’t think she just hard-heartedly gave him away. I hope once we know what happened Sookie will not seem so evil to so many people. Will we ever see things from Sookie’s POV? The first few chapters thus far have flashbacks from Eric’s POV…it would be nice to see some Sookie POV flashbacks, like perhaps her recollection of Myrtle Beach or what happened to her/where she went after she left Eric?! I will love reading whatever you write, though!!! Please update soon…I am loving this story so far :)!!! I need more!!!

      • You bring up some very valid points about possible childhood trauma. I hadn’t considered that and it could very well be the case.

  73. Well… It sounds more like cheating to me. If something had happened where she was forced… why wouldn’t she tell Eric that in the first place all those years ago? I still want to know more… but honestly, I hope we get to spend some time with Sookie in the dog house and Eric and Eric getting to know each other. Let her deal with them being pissed at her, and her unwillingness to answer a question (heaven forbid!).
    Great chapter as usual. I really like that you can make me want to read about a character that I don’t like. That’s quite some talent you’ve got… I’m glad you choose to share it with us!

  74. Ugh, I wrote a review and it error’ed. Anyway, I really don’t see why people are still dogging Sookie. Yes, she did a massively stupid, life altering, cruel thing, but after this chapter I can only feel sorry for her. She as seemed to have suffered immensely and I sincerely doubt she actually cheated (I’m also on the rape theory) – of course she would not have told Eric about it, she would’ve felt incredibly ashamed and probably worried he would not want her anymore, especially if she was carrying another man’s child. Having said this, I am sympathising with her based on the theory that she did not consent or did not do so without pressure to whoever she thought could have also been the father. If this isn’t the case, I’m back on board the ‘what the hell was she thinking!’ boat. Either way, I am dying for the next chapter as I am hoping we will get a bit more clarification.

  75. You are absolutely killing me here!!!
    Sookie blames them but then accepts Eric being there and lets jr go with no problem with daddy but cant seem to give either of them any answers.
    I get the whole she thought it might not have been his but the way you write the backstories sounded like they were too much in love for her to cheat soooo was she attacked and then thought eric wouldnt understand.
    WE NEED ANSWERS AS MUCH AS ERIC AND JR DOES!!!!

    DAMN YOUR GOOD WHEN YOU GET US SOO INVOLVED LIKE THIS!!
    PLEASE CHAPT 6 NOW!!!!!!!!!

  76. her reaction to seeing Eric wasn’t normal as far as thinking it was her imagination, no answers tells me she can’t put it all together.

  77. Rereading… I did not realize until this chapter that in Ch 2 that Jason initially thought it was Eric Jr on the phone. doh! Reading to fast… Because when I went back to Ch 2, it was obvious, “kid”, reference to birthdays and allergy medicine. LOL

  78. Shut the front door! You go Eric and Eric! LOL Seriously I am loving this story… What I love about your stories is that I can really just sink into them.. especially this one! I found myself holding my breath when i got to last part of this chapter.. then exhaled when he walked about the door!

  79. Just started. She got raped I am guessing? Dang it! Even if it was an affair and she was sorry, Eric would have forgiven her. If it was rape, then he would have stuck by her. 16 years of anguish for everyone. Must read more!

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