Chapter 11: Swim With A Porpoise

Alcide In Wonderland

Chapter 11

Swim With A Porpoise


“Hey, big guy. Wakie, wakie.”

No no no no no not yet. “What time is it?”


My heart probably stopped, but I managed to sit up… and the clock said 4:10. “Dirty bitch.”

I flopped back onto my stomach and she came over to sit on the edge of the bed, giggling. “You already hit the snooze button once. Here.”

She held a cup of coffee under my nose so I took it and poured it down my throat as fast as I’d been knocking back shots the night before. “More.”

She laughed again and patted my shoulder. “There’s more in the kitchen. By the time you’re out of the shower your breakfast will be done too.”

“If I skip my shower, I can sleep for 10 more minutes.”

“Good idea. Then you can show up to get the boys, smelling like JD’s quality control guy.”

I growled at her.

“Or you can get your shower and I’ll have breakfast waiting for you… Then you can sleep for 2 hours on the plane.”

I groaned, “You win.” I started getting up and she slapped my ass on her way out of the room.


I was barely around the corner from taking the shower that woke me up more than I was going to admit when she looked up from the stove. “Feeling better?”

“Much. Eric still dead?” She set the ashtray on the table for me so I took the invitation.

“Dead again. He was already up once this morning.” It was too early for that shit.


She snickered, “Oh, shut up. We do talk from time to time. Crybaby.”

“Oh… but can you blame me?”

“No. I guess I can’t.”

“You two alright?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Because I walked in on you two in the kitchen last night and things were more sober than usual.” She put a massive omelet and fresh cup of coffee in front of me.

“Chuck Wagon style. Onions, peppers, jalapeños… wrapped around chili and topped with cheese and sour cream. Good shit… He hadn’t been filled in about Remy. We weren’t disagreeing or anything.”

I nodded, smashing out my cigarette and dug in. “Ah. Good to hear.”

“The omelet or that we weren’t fighting.”

I had to make myself stay coherent, forcing an answer out around the mouthful. Hall Of Fame Omelet. “Both.”

She poured a cup of coffee and sat down smiling at me. “You should get some pictures of the furniture we need to match while you’re down there.” No. I should leave it all with Ame and buy stuff I like.

“The boys already mentioned… They actually want music and money themed rooms.”

She giggled. “I’ll talk to Had about what she can find theme-wise… Music won’t be a problem. She’s bitter that I didn’t let her go nuts with the new music room we planned.”

“New music room?”

“Yeah. Finally getting around to adding some Sookie touches to the ole homestead.”

“Eric see the changes?”

“No. I planned them a couple weeks ago. I tried explaining them last night, but I’m pretty sure all he heard was that the new master bath was getting a tub the size of Delaware.”

Awww, that’s nice… him tan take bubble baffs.” I might even buy him a rubber duckie.

She snorted. “Sweetie, the new tub is big enough you could take one with him and you’d need a map to find each other. Had talked me into it because she has one.” Oh shit… mental image mind fuck… I went from being grossed out at the idea of sharing a Calgon moment with Eric to… picturing Hadley in her… wet… bubbles… Fuck.

Shut up and eat. I needed to switch directions… fast.

“You excited?”

I just about choked. “What?”

“About going to get the boys. Are you jazzed about having them to yourself for the next couple of weeks?” Oh, god bless…

“Yeah. Jack texted me last night to tell me he was too excited to sleep. When I talked to him he was preoccupied with when you’d start his lessons.”

“Then let him know we’ll get to that tomorrow night if he wants… What should I plan for dinner tonight though?”

“Uh… I don’t know. Jack mentioned that he wanted to get some fish tacos before he left New Orleans, but…”

“Oh, that’s easy. It’s one of Lafayette’s favorites… He showed up on my doorstep with a grocery bag full of the fixings once.” Shit… Of course he’d come up…

“He… How would I get in touch with him? You know…”

Her eyes went wide and her mouth fell open. “Alc, you said that she was in a good mood last night.”

I nodded. “And so was I, until I started worrying that she’d call and ruin it.”

She winced and held her hand out for my phone. When she was done adding Lafayette to my address book, she went to the oven and pulled out another omelet for me and topped off my coffee.

“Don’t get your hopes up.”

“Sweetie, I’ve had my hopes up for you since I heard what she was like when you went house hunting.”

“You heard about that, huh?”

“Yeah. Tara texted me a list of eligible bachelorettes because you’re too good for Ame.”

I couldn’t help it. I laughed. “Y’all are horrible. Why don’t we just focus on me leaving her first?” I’ll admit that part of me was wondering who was on the list…

She shrugged, not answering me one way or the other.

“Did you ever talk to Eric… You know, about helping me out if I…”

She saved me, interrupting with a nod. “Yeah… I told you, he feels like an ass that he didn’t know. I haven’t told him about the neglect either and he’s still down with doing whatever you need.” That’s a good fucking friend.

“You trying to make me feel guilty?” It was working.

“Naw. You’re doing that to yourself… You wanna change the subject?”


“K… Had told me you ran into her before you were introduced.”

“I thought she was you!… I mean… the hall light was off and all, but… damn!”

She laughed. “When I got to high school, we had to be careful or our boyfriends would mix us up, especially on Fridays because we wore our cheer uniforms.”

“Poor bastards.”

She giggled. “They coped. They were best friends so it got to be a joke.”

“So folks that know you don’t make the mistake?”

“Family doesn’t. One of the tellers at the bank has been working there since Grampa still ran it and still has to ask.”

“Eric could tell though.”

“I missed the boot detail because I was pretty toasted. We’ll get him next time. Maybe even get you involved.”

“Uh UH! Don’t you dare get me involved in that!”

“Come on! If me and Had dress alike and he walks in on you and her, that could be some funny shit!” Me and Hadley doing what?… Fuck… like that matters…

“Or he could shoot first and ask questions later.”

“I could…”


She giggled, “But…”


“Party pooper.” She blew a raspberry at me and started pouting.

“Don’t give me that look. I’m not dying in a domestic over a prank.”

Chicken shit, party pooper.”

“You won’t bait me either.”

She shrugged. “Damn… Oh well, I tried.”


I was on my way out when she stopped me to hand me a to-go cup of coffee.

She gave me a hug and kissed my cheek. “Good luck.”

“With what?”

She shrugged. “With whatever.” That’s when it occurred to me…

“You haven’t said anything this morning… one way or the other… what gives?”

“You don’t need me forcing my opinions down your throat. You already know that we’ve got your back with whatever you want.”

“That’s… no help at all.”

She cringed. “Sorry.”

“I want to dump her.”

“I know.”

“Any advice on how to do it and not get shot?”

She laughed, “Do it in public.”

“Oh, that’s a big help. How about another prayer… last one seemed to work.”

She rolled her eyes around… “Ok… And shepherds we shall be. For thee, my Lord, for thee. Power hath descended forth from Thy hand, Our feet may swiftly carry out Thy commands. So we shall flow a river forth to Thee, And teeming with souls shall it ever be. In Nomeni Patri Et Fili Spiritus Sancti.”

She’d barely gotten to ‘my Lord’ before I was laughing my ass off that she was reciting the prayer from Boondock Saints… Crazy bitch. I pecked her forehead and walked out. I was almost done laughing (about 10 miles out) when I got an email… She’d sent a clip of the movie to me… the scene with the cat… ‘Do you think it’s dead?’… I started laughing my ass off all over again.

I was at the airport before I realized that she’d handled me out of freaking out over what to do.


Somehow I managed to sleep through the landing…

I was still digging sleep out of my eyes from my nap while I was in line at the airport Starbucks when I tried calling Ame. Voicemail.

I tried calling 3 more times… silly me. I was thinking I could get her to pick me up.

I tried one last time before I grabbed a taxi… Still no luck… so once I was in the cab, I called Lafayette.

I assumed I’d be leaving a message… hell, I was hoping to leave a message… but he picked up.

“Lafayette Reynolds.” Shit.

“Lafayette, it’s Alc.”

“Well, hello cupcake. How’s you doing?”

“Well… Shit, has Sookie called you?” She had warned Sam and Tara…

“Naw. Something wrong?”

“Not with the family… I need some legal advice.”

“Hit me with it.”

“I want custody of my kids and I’m not sure how likely that is with the hours I keep.”

“You just sick of the wife or she giving you good reason to want the babies away from her?”

“Good reason. She’s negligent enough that she gave them food poisoning. It’s been getting worse, but what it boils down to is that I’m worried that it’ll continue to spiral. The boys are afraid to eat anything that isn’t prepackaged now.”

“Either of you cheating? You ever raise a hand to her? The kids?”

“She cheated, but it was years ago. She’s either gotten better at hiding it or she’s just too lazy to do that anymore too. And no, I’ve never hit her or the kids.”

He chuckled. “Sookie to blame for your sudden awakening?”

“You could say that. My kids didn’t want to leave her house…”

“Mmmm humph… and I bet the house keeping and cooking she does isn’t a factor.”

“Oh, you bet your ass it’s a factor. Ame doesn’t work, go to school, volunteer, keep house, cook… nothing. I’ve asked her to get therapy. I’ve tried everything and all she does is fuck around on the internet all day.”

He started laughing. “I’m feeling ya… do you have any kind of shit in your file like getting rough with suspects or anything?”

“Nothing official. I went to DRB for a fist fight I got into at bootcamp, but it didn’t go anywhere. The other guy started it with witnesses.”

“Well then, sister… all you really need is a child care plan.”

“What’s that?”

“An official statement regarding what happens with the kids when your hours run long. You planning on Taryn?”

“I was planning on it for going out once in a while but Sookie’s told me that she’d have my back for work since the boys and her are on the same sched.”

“She’s no fan of your wife?”

“She compared Ame to Sheila.”

He was quiet… for what seemed like forever. Finally… “I’ve never heard her compare anyone to Sheila…” That’s what I was afraid of. “…Amelia’s never been to therapy?”


“Sookie have a guess what’s wrong with her?”

“She mentioned detachment issues. We had a rough couple of years right before Carm came along and that’s when everything started going downhill.”

“Right, right… and those boys… they’d want to stay with you?”

“I think so. They hated the idea of me leaving for two weeks and… well, I’m in New Orleans now to take them back to Bon Temps because Ame didn’t want to deal with them and pack too. When I talked to them last night they were really excited.”

“Tell me you have a witness to her saying she didn’t want them around.”

“She was on speaker phone because I was doing dishes. Eric heard her ranting about them being underfoot. It was bullshit too. Jack had texted me that she overslept so they weren’t going to school… half an hour later she called to bitch that the boys were trying to help pack.”

“And you’re in NOLA getting them?”

“Yeah. We’re staying with Sookie and Eric until everything can get moved up.”

“Sweetness, you’re golden. Get those babies away from her with her permission and we’ll file for custody and separation once you’re back.”

“It’s possible for me to get custody?”

“It’d be harder in NOLA, but once you’ve got the boys in Bon Temps… Raynard is your bitch.”


“Yeah… Look, you caught me on my way to court, but we’ll talk details soon. In the meantime, get those babies to Sookie’s and settle them in. Alc… don’t worry. With Sookie in your corner, you’re all set. She won’t let you do anything that’d mess up your chances of getting them. She knows the family courts in Raynard as well as I do.”

“You have no idea how happy I am to hear that.”

“Yeah, I do. Kiss, kiss.”


When I walked into the house, I had to put my shoulder into the door to push my way in… The boys’ suitcases and a garbage bag were stacked against it.

The boys’ luggage made toy noises when I picked them up to move them and they weren’t heavy enough to have clothes in them… the garbage bag… that was a different story though.


I heard her shuffle in the living room before she came out to the foyer. “What are you doing here so early?”

I was digging through the dirty, molded, mildewed clothes in the garbage bag. “I flew in… What the fuck is this? You didn’t even wash them?” I could almost understand if she was still washing them.

“You flew?”

“You want me to take a bag full of filthy clothes to… You know what… Nevermind. Where are the boys?” I had time to go to a laundromat.


“You… You couldn’t be bothered to get your ass out of bed to get them to school yesterday, but you knew I was planning on…”

“They were up at 6 and driving me nuts by 7. I figured you’d be driving and you’d just sign them out when you got their records.”

“Their records? You didn’t even manage to get those when you signed them in yesterday?”

“Nooooo.” She shook her head and dragged out her answer like I was crazy to have thought otherwise.

“Medical records? Dentist? Anything?”

“No. Why? Carm is allergic to pollen… Jack needs a haircut. I didn’t think you’d need it written down for you.”

“You didn’t think… Mother fuck! Ame, you’ve got to be the shittiest fucking parent I’ve ever met!”

“Oh, you’re one to talk! You…”

“Shut the fuck up and give me the keys to the van.”

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“Since my wife is a useless cunt, I’m going to Dr. Hamlin’s, Dr. Wilson’s and shopping for the boys’ new wardrobe before I go to the school for the boys and those records.”

“Oooooh. Terribly sorry…”

“I told you to shut the fuck up…” I went to the kitchen to dig the keys out of her purse and when I got back to the foyer she was still standing in the same place with her arms folded. “While I’m gone, get your nasty ass in the shower so that you can take us to the airport.”

“Why should I…?”

“Because it’s the last time you’re going to see them for a while. You’re going to act like you give a shit and see them off.” She really had no idea how ‘long’… the garbage bag full of their clothes was the tipping point. It was like she was throwing them away…

Maybe I was taking it too personally, but what kind of bitch can’t be bothered to wash her kids’ clothes before they go out of town? What kind twat lets her kids’ clothes grow mold in the first place?

Fuck it. It’s over anyway


The dental assistant spotted me while I was waiting for the boys’ records and chatted me up about where we were moving…

The receptionist at the pediatrician’s office pouted about missing Carm since he’d be getting his allergy shots somewhere else…

Between Old Navy, Gap Kids and Target I managed to get two weeks worth of outfits, underwear, socks and pajamas…

And I was done by 11…

2 hours of errands and I managed to get it all done.

2 fucking hours… That’s it. Ame had all day long and did nothing towards taking care of the boys except for making fish sticks (which were burned and still on the counter).

I sat in the van out front of the school for a few minutes staring at a text from Ame. “Make sure you get their backpacks so they can use them as carry-on.”

Change of plans… I had to do something to make up for how unceremoniously Ame was planning to send them off.

I made time for one more errand… I did a little math and called the pizza place around the corner while I was filling my grocery cart with juice pouches and ice cream cups.

When I walked into the front office of the school, the assistant principal greeted me. It took me all of 5 minutes to explain that I’d been transferred to the Shreveport field office and that it was the boys’ last day. She was apologizing for not knowing anything about it and asking someone for help getting their records ready when the pizza guy showed up…

I was expecting some hassle about the whole pizza party thing, but I didn’t have to say anything. As soon as the principal saw me with the delivery guy, she called down to Carm and Jack’s classes to tell the teachers to take the kids to the auditorium for lunch instead of the cafeteria.


Carm’s lunch started at 11:50 and as soon as he spotted me leaning against the stage, he bolted out of line and charged me.

He jumped at me for a hug. “You’re early!”

“I told y’all that I was flying.”

He was still strapped to my neck. “I know, but you didn’t say what time you’d det here!”

“When we’re done with lunch, we’re signing you guys out and making a quick stop at the shoe store before we go to the airport.”


“Yeah. We’ll be in the air before the other kids are on the buses.”

He was grinning like he was stoned when he slid out of my arms and took charge of pizza distribution… he shoved the plates at me to hand out and grabbed a pizza box, announcing ‘hands up for pepperoni!’.

Carm’s class was just settling down when Jack’s class came in… more of the same.

Jack was just as happy to see me as Carm had been and while he handed out pizza, he mumbled to his teacher ‘told ya I wasn’t coming back’.


Since I’d found a few random shoes (not pairs) mixed into the garbage bag full of their nasty clothes (and I wasn’t sure where the closest shoe store was in Bon Temps) we spent half an hour at Rack Room…

The boys had fun on their little shopping spree and managed to talk me into new bookbags too. They sat in the back of the van digging through their new clothes like we hadn’t just been school shopping 2 months ago…

But when we pulled into the driveway… the goofy back and forth from the back seat stopped.

“Why are we here?” The looks on their faces were scary.

“We’re getting my smaller suitcase for your new clothes and the bags of toys you packed.”

Jack shook his head. “We can leave ‘em.”

“We’re getting your mom too, so…”

“No!” They both acted like the last thing they wanted to do was see Ame…

“Just so she can drop us off at the airport. Come on.”

I had to open the doors to the van so they’d climb out. Even though I promised that we only had 20 minutes before we needed to leave, they still looked like they were walking to their own executions…


When we walked into the house, Ame was sitting in her usual spot with her laptop open… still wearing the sweatshirt and pajama pants from earlier…

“Boys, go to your room and make sure you got all of your games and stuff.”

I waited for them to be upstairs before I went into the dragon’s lair…

“I’ve been to the doctor, the dentist, the mall, the grocery store, the school and the shoe store and you couldn’t manage to get a shower and get dressed.”

She didn’t bother looking up. “I don’t see why I can’t just say ‘bye’ to them from here.”

“Go get dressed. You’re taking us to the airport.” I couldn’t explain why it was such a big issue, but the way she was dismissing the boys was irking the fuck out of me.


“Because I say so.”

“You’re being stupid. A goodbye is a goodbye. It doesn’t matter if I do it in the driveway or on the curb at the airport.”

“They’re your kids. You should drop them off.”

“I’m busy.”

She… She’s busy? “Doing what?”

“I’m in the middle of something.”

I reached over, forcing myself to be as calm as possible as I closed her laptop. “Go get dressed, Ame.”

She shot a dirty look at me as she opened the screen again. “I don’t feel like it.”

God help me, I snapped… I probably never would have done it if she hadn’t already pushed my last button by acting like she didn’t give a shit about anything… but I snatched her laptop away from her and spiked it into the floor…

That, she cared about… she was on her knees, crying and trying to put the screen back together. It was the most therapeutic thing I’d ever done.

“I should have done that a long time ago. I feel better. How about you?”

“You son of a bitch!”

“I told you to go get dressed. Do it. I’m not playing your game anymore.”

“That… That was my…”

“That was $900 worth of plastic that you used to ignore your kids. The kids that are about to fly 350 miles away.”

“I can’t believe you did that!”

“You can go get a new one on your way back from the airport. Go. Get. Dressed.”

“I’m still not going.”

“If you don’t go, your van is next.”


“I’ll walk outside and put a bullet through the engine block and one through the computer. No one would say a god damn thing about it because there’s no law against destroying your own shit.” She didn’t need to know about all of the ‘little’ laws it would be breaking…

She got to her feet and stomped up the stairs and I couldn’t help but wonder when she’d bother cleaning up the Dell carcass… But I’d be willing to bet it would get a proper burial before last night’s fish sticks.

I followed her up the stairs with the bags of clothes and started refolding everything to pack it while she huffed and snarled, getting her things for her shower.

When I heard her trip over something in the bathroom I started laughing. I couldn’t help it. I didn’t know if she’d pushed my last button and I’d finally lost my grip or if… maybe I’d finally decided enough was enough.

She yelled from the shower that I should get as much stuff as I could into their book bags and to make sure their suitcases were full…

When I was done with the boys’ clothes, I topped off the bag with a few of my things and took an extra bag to the boys’ room for their computer. I’d be damned if she was going to lay claim to that one.


The boys and I were waiting in the foyer after loading the van with their stuff. We were running 5 minutes late when we heard Ame turn the hair dryer on… Fucking bitch…

I’d seriously put up with too much if she thought she was going to push me into calling a cab.

I went to the laundry room and opened the breaker box and killed the power to the whole fucking house…

The boys’ eyes were like dinner plates when I got back to them.

She looked like she smelled shit as she stomped down the stairs. “You crammed everything you could into the backpacks and suitcases?”

I growled at her, “Yes, dear.”

“Fine. Let’s go.”

The boys bolted through the front door like they were racing for prize money.

“Are you going to at least act like you’ll miss them?”

“Why should I? They won’t miss me. They’ll have Sookie.”

“Back to that?”

“Never left ‘that’… I don’t care if you see it or not, but you’re different.”

“Really? You mean I’m in a better mood and I’m not putting up with your bullshit anymore?”

“Just get in the van so I can get rid of you.”

“Do you mean me or us?”

She huffed, calling me a stupid prick on her way out…

If I was ever going to hit her… the way she didn’t answer that would have been the reason… she meant us.



I passed out last night not knowing how I was going to do it or if I was still going to be as ready to leave her.

I woke up this morning still itching to get rid of her and wondering how to break away and keep the boys…

And since I landed, I’ve wanted to hit her… every few minutes… every time I accomplished something that she was too ‘busy’ to do… 15 minutes at each doctor’s office… an hour at the mall…

She had a house full of 10 minute chores that would take her a week to catch up on…


I’d lost count of how many times I’d told myself that the boys deserve better…

I’d lost count of how many times I’d told myself that Ame’s a lost cause…

And I kept going back to last night…

Sure, I’d had too much to drink, but they wouldn’t ever get to have any fun if I didn’t do something.

The happiest Stackhouse Thanksgiving ever was the one when Sheila had chicken pox and didn’t show up.

I’ll be damned.

I checked the rearview and the boys were both fixated on their PSPs…


“What now? Would you like to smash my cell phone too?”

“Your children are leaving town and you’re hung up on a laptop?”

“You have no idea how long it’ll take me to store all of my passwords and favorites again. I’ve lost some stuff forever.” You’ve got to be kidding me!

Done. “I can’t stand the sight of you anymore. I hate you. I want a divorce.”

I waited, expecting her to start slinging shit about ‘me and Sookie’ or anything else for that matter, but nothing.

She didn’t say a damn word.


She was still quiet, not even staring the usual hole into the side of my face, when we pulled up to the airport.

She jumped out of her seat like it was on fire to yank the door open for Jack as though she couldn’t wait to get rid of him…

While I was loading the bags onto the cart, I couldn’t help myself…

I slid my ring off… read the inscription one last time… Amelia & Alcide… and dropped it into the sewer grate…

There was no way in hell I’d go back. Ever.

Especially not after I watched Jack and Carm ‘hug’ her like she was poison.

The boys were barely on the curb when she shoved a big, brown envelope into my hand and practically ran to get back into the car.


Once the luggage was checked, we went to Starbucks… I’d managed to talk the boys into wanting brownies because I needed a coffee.

We found a bench near the gate and we were only sitting for a few minutes when my phone went off. I figured it was Sookie texting to check in on things again, but…

Tara had emailed two videos to me…

One was of her class, the other was ‘Mr. Andy’s’… both were recorded messages for the boys, telling them that they couldn’t wait until Wednesday to meet them and even showed them their new desks.

We watched both videos twice and they were still smiling when I replied to thank Tara… then we watched them both again.

It took the boys a while to settle down once were on the plane.

They were so excited that I had to hush them about a million times because they kept getting loud talking about how much fun Sookie’s house had been and all the stuff they were looking forward to…


It was well after takeoff before they were settled down enough to even think about opening the envelope…

Jack was playing Midnight Club… Carm was watching 17 Again…

So I took a deep breath and broke the seal…

The first handful of stuff was bills… power, phones, cable, water, gas, credit card statements… I actually snorted as I looked through the stack of mail… with all the time she spends on the internet, I thought it was funny that she couldn’t be bothered to take care of any of them over the next couple of weeks…

The next handful of papers really got my attention…

The cover letter for the whole batch…


I can’t take this anymore. I never thought my life would be like this. I don’t ever remember a time that I wanted kids and somehow I ended up with two kids and a husband who’s never home. I know you don’t work that much. But I don’t even care if you’re cheating anymore. I’ve just wanted you to admit it.

Hearing that you don’t love me anymore was enough I guess. I don’t think I ever loved you. I felt trapped the second you asked me to marry you and to be honest about it, when I told you I was pregnant with Jack, I was just hoping you’d pay for the abortion. The more I think about it, the more I just wish you had.

We should have split up years ago. I should have left you before I stopped caring about everything. I should have left you before Carm ever came into the picture. I just don’t care anymore. Nothing makes anything better. I need a break.

I can’t take feeling like a single parent anymore. I don’t like being alone all the time. Once the boys come home from school all they want to talk about is you and when you’ll be home and I hate you for it. It’s not fair that you only spend a couple hours a day with them and I’m treated like chopped liver. I don’t understand what makes you so fucking special that they hide in their room from me and barely come out unless you’re home. And I hate them for that too.

Even Octavia has noticed that they ignore me and bide their time until you’re home. I’m not cut out for this. I hate feeling like a stranger in my own house.

Now that you’re moving to Bon Temps, I hope your new ‘friends’ keep you in check. I doubt they’ll let you fuck the boys up too bad. You have Sookie to thank for this. If I wasn’t sure that she would end up practically raising the kids for you, then I’d have just taken the boys back to Dallas to stay with my mom. I should have done it ages ago, but I don’t want them. I don’t want to deal with you and visitation and I knew you wouldn’t leave and take the boys. You wanting to live in the middle of nowhere in that crapped out house was the last straw. I won’t do it. You’re on your own. Maybe you can keep up the act and Sookie won’t ever see what you’re really like so she’ll keep helping you.

I spent the day yesterday at the lawyer’s office and bank. I had him draw up custody and separation papers. I’m walking away. By the weekend I’ll be back in Dallas getting my head straight and I’ll have movers take care of the rest of the stuff and bring it to Bon Temps. I took 8 grand out of savings to help me start over and took my name off of the bank accounts. You’ll have to cancel my credit cards. They’re in the envelopes with the bills.

Go ahead and divorce me. It’s what we both want.

Have your lawyer send stuff to my mom’s place.



I must’ve read and re-read the letter a hundred fucking times…

She hadn’t been acting like she was throwing the kids away… She was

She put it in writing that she regrets not aborting Jack…

She put it in writing that she wished she hadn’t had Carm…

She put it in writing that she hates them…

What the fuck did she need a break from?

The separation papers were standard… we keep our own cars and split everything else… I couldn’t even bring myself to care that everything we’d be splitting was bought after she quit working… with savings that we only had because of bullets I’d taken… she could fucking have it all…

I had what mattered…

The custody papers. Her lawyer probably looked at her like she was nuts… she didn’t establish any kind of visitation or support and I’d have to ask Lafayette to be sure but the addendum titled ‘surrender of parental rights’ gave me a selfish lump of hope in my throat…

After all the shit I’d put up with, after all the times I almost walked out… I’d always sucked it up because I was afraid to lose my boys… And she didn’t even want them.

They’re mine.

Ame could have leveraged a shit-load more out of me too, but she didn’t bother to embarrass herself to say that Carm ‘came along’ 38 weeks after I found proof she’d been cheating… and looks just like the manager at the restaurant she was working at…

Fuck her and fuck her boyfriend too…

Maybe she was dumb enough to not know… maybe she just thought I wouldn’t notice… but it didn’t make one goddamn bit of difference…

They’re mine.


39 thoughts on “Chapter 11: Swim With A Porpoise

  1. Oooh, hoo, hoo. Finally, the story comes out. She’s throwing them all away.

    I hope Alc puts that letter in a safe deposit box, because that’s gold, right there.

    Wonderfully written. Love that Sookie got him up and ready, that she made him breakfast and told him she would support him no matter what decision he made. He’s known her what, a week? Two? How fabulous would it be to have her in your life?

    I love that a lot of the AIW show the interaction between Sookie and Alc. I almost think she’s a bigger influence and partner in his life than Eric. If she’s not the most significant, she’s only a close second to Eric.

    I’ll say it again. Amelia needs a therapist. I hope she pulls her head out, but I don’t think she will.

    Thank you so much for writing. Looking forward to the next installment!

  2. I love this story, can’t wait till it catches up with L&D

    My husband’s ex was similar to Amelia. Only my stepson was 2 when she walked. I’ve never met her. She wanted nothing to do with him after. It’s sad that there are mothers out there that are like this. It hurts my heart to think about it.

  3. Absolutely wonderful!! I’ve been waiting on this page and wondering exactly what happened in NOLA and now we know. Can’t wait for more. Thanks for a great story.

  4. OMG!!! you made me cry!
    I don’t remember the last time I did when reading something, but the end of this chapter made me cry. The neglect and complete disregard she had for the kids…urgh!
    But I did feel for Ame too, she’s not happy, it’s no excuse, she should have gotten help way before all this.
    The whole thing is soo sad. I’m just so freaking glad it’s over and we get to the fun part now.
    I’m happy for Alcide and the boyz.
    Alcide knowing that Carm wasn’t his and not caring…*sniff* he’s an amazing man!
    Love your stories!!!
    thank you for writing

  5. This chapter was truely amazing. I’ve been desperate to see just what happened in NOLA and seeing it was just wow. Better than I imagined in a writing sense.

    Ame is truely one of the worlds worst mothers. The clothes in bin bags thing is heart renching but surprising happens more often than not particularly with kids who end up in care. Especially poignant when you think that they’d possibly have ended up there if she had tried to keep them. Just so glad to see that the boys are safe with Alc now. Alc destroying her laptop was a stroke of genius. Thats all she cared about anyway. I’m just so happy the boys are with him now, and I love Alc more for not treating Carm any different. Even though biologically Carm’s not his stating that both boys are his shows the mark of a true father.

  6. This chapter, as always, was well written. There were some fun moments – part of me really does wonder if Eric would have noticed that it wasn’t Sookie with Alcide, but that would be too cruel – and there were some touching moments. Amelia needs to drop to the lowest circle in hell. Lafayette is great. I love the running theme of the Boondocks Saints – it is one of my favorite movies and I laughed right along with Alcide over the cat scene. Thank-you for the update and look forward to the next one.

  7. FINALLY! No more waffling. No more doubts. Yeah, I’m sure he’s scared, but he loves those boys so much it doesn’t matter. He will have lots of help.

    I can’t get over Amelia’s total disregard for Alc, the children, her house, anything. And well, I guess we know that Alc is aware that Carm is not his. Not that it matters. They will all be together now and way better off. Thank you for this wonderfully moving chapter!

    And now, the fun begins!!

  8. The fierce love Alc has for his boys –even Carm, who isn’t “his” –brings tears to my eyes —

    Damn you and your mad writing skills!! 🙂

  9. I always wondered if he knew Carm was not his.

    Just like Sookie to already be setting up Alcide with Hadley. hahaha Putting ideas into his head.

  10. Perfect ending line… they’re mine!
    Another fab-tabulous chapter my dear!
    I can’t wait to read more on L&D too… will you get AIW caught up to date with L&D before you update that series?
    Thanks again for the new chappie!

  11. Oh man… I don’t even know what to say. Awesome chapter! I’m glad that alcide is the one that came to his senses first. Lol I know its petty but still. Can’t wait for the next chapter!

  12. Damn, I hate that bitch!!! I have a friend who’s ex wife acts like her. What a BITCH!! I’m glad Alc left her, bitches like her don’t need to have custody of anyone’s children!

  13. I wasn’t sure you could make me hate Ame anymore than I already did but that letter put about 20 nails in that coffin…

    I am in awe of you.

  14. They’re FREE!!
    I hate that she turned everything around so that it was his fault, however… she’s gone (for now) and the boys can start living a happy life with their Daddy who loves them.
    I can’t believe she actually put moldy clothes in a trash bag for them, what a waste of space…
    Awesome chapter, awesome story and I can’t wait to see how much happier they will all be without her in their lives. I just know I’m gonna cry my eyes out in later chapters though so I’m stocking up on Kleenex now.

  15. Whew. Boys are safe and where they belong. Amelia is gone (for now). Ring is in a sewer.

    Can we get some full on Alc/Had flirting now?

  16. In always thought that Alc was to smart not to notice who Carm looked like. The best part is that he doesn’t care. They’re both his sons. Yay Alc!

    Another great chapter from our mistress.

  17. I loved this, as heartbreaking as it is to think of a mother walking out on her kids it is clear that she is crazy and it’s better for everyone that they seperate. I loved that Alcide got to really admit that it was over and show some backbone around her and I’m even more happy that the boys know they are going to be safe.

  18. I can’t waiþ till Þings heat up with Hadley!

    [Sorry about a nordic rune for ‘t h'(funny looking ‘p’ signifies a dental infracture) for some reason (and a few other runes) keeps popping up and won’t go away.]

  19. I can’t waiþ till Þings heat up with Hadley!

    [Sorry about a nordic rune for ‘t h'(funny looking ‘p’ signifies a dental infracture) for some reason (and a few other runes) keeps popping up when I go online on my blackberry and won’t go away.]

  20. I am so relieved that Alc has found a way forward. It still upsets me though that without the Stackhouse extended-family (in which I include Eric, Laf etc) he would have probably felt he had to stick with Ame for lack of another option – and what an awful life that would have been for him and the boys. It makes me think of all the real life dads (and mums) in that situation who are stuck in marriage hell but darent leave incase they lose the only thing that matters – their kid/s. At least Alc now has a shot at a real family life, its going to be great to see him become the dad he can be to the boys, now he has the time and support to do it properly.

  21. Excellent as always. Amelia had already alienated her children, so they won’t even miss her. What a pathetic creature. It’s obvious she needs help, but there are people who would rather wallow in their misery than get the help they need. This story, told from Alcide’s POV, is one of your best.

  22. another great chapter, I can only guess that Amelia is mentally ill, I know how I feel about my kids, and no way would they ever have been so low on the list of things to take care of, (can anyone really be that lazy and not be sick?) but they will be so much happier with Alcide, and knowing that Sookie and Eric care about them too is going to make all the difference in their lives. I like the interaction with Alc and Sookie, it makes sense that she wouldn’t be on the sidelines and I’m glad he’s already touched base with Laf. will be waiting for more of course, love all your stories.

  23. Wow. Poor Alcide. Well, Sookie & Eric will help him and things can only get better. This is really a sad insight to things we didn’t see in Saints & Sinners. I love your writing, it is THE BEST!

  24. You are going to be the down fall of my Organic Chem grade. I love reading your stories so much!!!! I love that Alc is in love with his kids, it is perfect. I would walk through the fires of hell for my daughter so I know how this character feels about his boys. You really should write book, books to get paid for them, I would buy them you write wonderfully.

  25. What I think is genius on your part is the way you show Amelia without turning her into a caricature. You’ve really built up her character through her words and actions to show us how abhorrent and repulsive she truly is. Every little thing she does is just one bit more awful and shocking than the last. She needs to be shot and taken to the pig farmer!
    All your work is impressive and I love AIW. I have a sneaky suspicion it is going to end up my firm favourite.

  26. It’s like a big breath out isn’t it? I always thought he must have realised that Cam wasn’t his but it great that you mentioned it and the fact that it makes no difference to Alcide. Why would anyone throw away their kids and such a fantastic man as that? As a wonderful Mom yourself that must have been hard for you to write, and she only had 2 and no other worries!

  27. It’s the very first time I’ve heard that in Macedonia, obits are a unique observe. You’ve wonderfully written the post. I’ve got liked on your path of penning this. Many thanks for sharing this.

  28. HE DID KNOW! Alcide is a effing prince in this story!
    snotty crying (tears of joy)
    I never thought I’d hate Amelia in any story… her disgusting behavior… *cunt* is too good of a word to describe what/who she is!

  29. Amelia rant in her letter kinda sounds like hubby, two peas in a pod… Alcide is a prince to have put up with her shit for so long and to know Carm is someone elses but doesn’t care makes him a very special man and we all wish we had one like him Kristie

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