Chapter 2: Pimps & Hos

Saints & Sinners

Chapter 2

Pimps & Hos

Halloween Continued…

I was so flustered by the kiss that I had forgotten where we were. I could have spent the rest of the night just like this. Breathing is over rated.

I felt robbed when she pulled away from me even if she was giggling. “Eric, is your phone vibrating? Or are you happy to see me?”

I cleared my throat as I dug the annoying fucking thing out of my pocket. “Both.” I gave her a peck. Oh god, her lips. “Northman.”

“Don’t ‘Northman’ me, mother fucker. Where are you?”

“In Bon Temps, why?” Sookie started wiping her lip stick from my face

“Why aren’t you with your car?”

“I don’t know Alc. It’s one of the big mysteries of the universe. Just like why you’ve called in my GPS to stalk me all the way to Bon Temps when you should be with your family.” I rolled my eyes at my partner, making Sookie snicker.

“Was that a girl? Music? Are you at a bar, trolling for trim while you’re working?”

Best friend or not, he was starting to annoy me. “Stackhouse isn’t available until the morning, I found something fun to do.” I had already gotten bored with the talk and leaned over to kiss Sookie again. She met my lips with her amazing smile and our tongues sought each other out like they’d missed each other. She moaned softly into my mouth. Just loud enough for Alcide to hear.

“Is she hot?”

Before I had the chance to tell him to shut his fucking pie hole, Sookie ran her fingers into my hair and pulled my face away from hers and leaned towards the phone. “Like the fires of hell. He’s at 1-0-7 Liberation Lane.”

Sookie’s hand hadn’t released me and she took my phone from me and in one movement, she turned it off, slid it back into my pocket and pushed our faces back together until we were interrupted again. Fuck.

Tara came into the room announcing herself by yelling behind her to someone named Arlene to stay away from the whipped cream, or else.

Then she jumped into conversation with us from the pantry. “We were about to start the games. Y’all playing?”

Sookie groaned like she was in pain. “Tara, you are the turd in my corn flakes today, ho!”

Tara stepped into sight. “Ho? That’s funny coming from the hooker trying to break some off in my kitchen!” The two of them snickered. I was starting to get the feeling that they were more like sisters than friends.

Tara went back into the pantry and Sookie started small talk, she fanned herself with a wide smile to let me know we needed to cool off. I grinned at her and rested against the counter. “How are you enjoying the extra Sam-Time?”

“Girl, I love time off as much as anybody, but I’ve got one in the hospital and my lesson plan is falling apart. You?”

“None in the hospital but 2 got pretty bad. My plan is solid. That’s the perk to having the older ones. I facebook and twitter their assignments.”

“All of them? Lucky bitch… You didn’t answer me. Is this one a party pooper too? You gotta play.”

Sookie turned back to me. “Do you have a competitive streak?”

I’m not sure what kind of games they were talking about, but with all of these people, they couldn’t be too hard. I nodded. “Sure, I’ll play.”

Tara gave Sookie a high five on her way back to the party and yelled back to us. “I like him already, now bring y’alls pretty asses on.”

Sookie hopped off of the counter and stretched up to peck my cheek. “It’s probably a good thing she interrupted us.”

Mmmm. Fuck. Like I needed ‘what ifs’ running around in my head. Fuck. Shit. Fuck Change the subject. “Sookie, who was she talking about being in the hospital?”

“Oh… One of her students. She’s a teacher for the elementary school.”

“And you?”

She looked up at me for a moment with narrowed eyes, but they suddenly shocked open wide. “Oh my god! You think I’m a receptionist! No, I was helping out my folks because they all got sick. I was off work because flu season is so bad that they closed down the schools to sanitize them. I teach history and government at the high school.” Hot. For. Teacher. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I’ve got it bad, so bad…

“I suppose there’s a lot we should talk about before the wedding.”

She laughed. “Are you going to have to leave as soon as you talk to my Dad?”

I shrugged. “I wish I knew. I’m starting to hope that we find a reason to stay in town for a day or two.” Fuck. Now she’s going to think I’m clingy. I’m the one that should shut my fucking pie hole. My pie hole… Sookie smells like pie. Ungh

“That would be nice… It would give us a chance to interview each other.”

“Interview, huh?” Can I cuff you to a chair and record the session? Fuck. Change the subject. “What kind of games do you play?”

She laughed. “That was a loaded question, if I’ve ever heard one! Were you talking about the party games?”

Oh, God! She has a dirty mind too. I felt my face turn red. “Maybe.”

She giggled as she took a step back. “Eric, look at my costume.” Oh, believe me, I have. I’ve studied it. I’ve given each blessed sequin a nickname. “What kind of games do you think the person who came up with THIS would ringmaster?”

I smiled at my date. “This could get interesting.”

She gasped playfully and bore a ‘hurt’ expression, putting her hands to her heart, “You damage me, Mr. Northman… I thought it already was.” Sweet. Jesus. I’m done for.

There must have been 50 people lining the walls of the den and 10 standing in the middle of the room. So the participants were the entertainment? I was going to embarrass myself in front of the entire town.

Sookie dragged me right to the middle of the room where the Boy Scout handed me a novelty foam ball that looked like a jack o’ lantern. I stood there squeezing it like it was a stress ball while Tara explained.

“The couple will put the ball between their stomachs. The object is to get the ball under one of their chins. The couple will not use their hands. If the ball falls, it will be put back where it started and the couple will start over.”

Sookie laughed. “It rubs the lotion on its skin. It does this whenever it is told.”

Her friend shot us both a dirty look while we laughed.

Sookie turned to face me and I put the ball between us.

She looked at me and winked. “Widen your stance a little and don’t move. I’ve got this.”

“Ready, set… go!”

I stood stock still as Sookie wrapped her arms around my sides and pressed us together. She slid down my body and she kept her eyes on mine the whole way down. Oh, God help me. I barely noticed when the ball emerged from between us and came to rest right in her cleavage. My reincarnation wish list now included that ball.

She pressed herself against me and wiggled a little, making sure the ball was secure. I’m pretty sure that I’d never broken a sweat standing perfectly still before. Until tonight. Fuck.

Her eyes were still on mine when she stood back up. “Now grab it with your teeth and put it under my chin.”

I put my hands on her back and held us together as she leaned back. I didn’t care about winning enough to rush through this so I ran my tongue over the top of one of those gorgeous, glittery mounds before I grabbed the ball between my teeth and tucked it under her chin.

It was over in seconds, but I don’t think I’ll ever forget that she did, indeed, taste like cinnamon.

Sookie threw her arms in the air victoriously. “We win!” She even bounced a little before she leaned into me and kissed my cheek.

Tara came over to her and handed her our prize. “Enjoy it now Miss Mensa, the other games aren’t as cerebral.” Mensa? Seriously? What the fuck would she be doing teaching history to MTV drones then?

I laughed when Sookie made a ‘Pppsh’ noise and put her hand in Tara’s face before digging into the gift bag.

“What we’d win?”

Without a word Sookie held the bag open for me to see. The bag was filled with fresh cherries and a bottle. I reached in and took the bottle out. Cherry flavored massage oil. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I started to feel lightheaded when she smiled up at me. “You’re not going to make me wait for the honeymoon are you?” She reached into the bag and her hand came out with two cherries. I watched her put one between her teeth and then she held the other up for me. I took it from her but I can’t say that I tasted it. I was too busy being jealous of her cherry while the stem danced between her lips.

I took the stem and plucked it from the luckiest piece of fucking fruit ever, then gave her a kiss. “I think we should at least try it out. I’d hate to get all the way there to find out we don’t like it.”

Her smile became wicked again as she held her hand out. I opened the bottle and squeezed a bead into her palm. I was expecting her to taste it, not reach up and start massaging my neck with it. I had been ‘tense’ more often today than I had been in as long as I could remember, but as soon as she started rubbing me I started to relax into a new kind of sensation. My eyes rolled back behind their lids and I let her and the tiny bead of oil sooth me.

Her surprisingly strong hand was still working over my neck when she started to ease me down to her level. She blew a warm breath over me before she ran her tongue up from my shoulder to my ear. “Mmmm, how many licks does it take to get to the…” That’s as far as I could let her get before I yanked her to me and put my tongue to hers. She was too much. Unfortunately, it was short lived.

I found myself, along with the other men playing, sitting in a chair for the next game with Sookie standing next to me. While we waited for Tara to start explaining, Sookie tickled the back of my neck, so I decided to test the water. I put my hand to the back of her knee and gently guided her over to me until her body was against mine again. I started to slowly run my hand up the back of her thigh, giving the occasional squeeze. She gave a couple slight moans and leaned into me a little more, so I kept going. When my hand got to the hem of her skirt, I ran my fingers back and forth across her leg, inching my way up and she bent over to whisper in my ear.

“Careful… that bitch didn’t include panties in the kit. If you show anyone my ass, I’ll shoot you.”

I used my free hand to hold her head to mine so that I could answer her. “I wish you hadn’t told me that. You were already killing me, with or without bullets.”

She breathed back. “It’s mutual.” THUD. Done for. Completely. I’d managed to survive this long dealing with the scum of the earth day in, day out and an innocent school teacher was going to kill me.

My blood still hadn’t come back to my brain when the game started. The women were all given a can of redi-whip and told to ‘have fun’ giving the guys a whipped cream beard. While most of the women went crazy giving out lumberjack beards or covering their faces completely, Sookie smiled down on me while she gave me side burns and a goatee with a handlebar mustache. Funny.

Once everyone was done, Tara finally started with the rules. “The women will straddle the men’s laps and race to shave them clean… using only their tongues! The first ‘clean’ couple wins.”

She moved to stand over my lap. “Eric, please put your hands under me so that my skirt doesn’t roll up.”

Then it hit me that her bare pussy was about to be on my lap. I distracted myself from the throbbing by doing what she asked. I put my hands on her ass and pulled her down. “This good?”

She bit her bottom lip and nodded. “I don’t know whether to kill her or thank her.” She adjusted to rest further up on my thighs and grabbed a handful of the jersey against my stomach.

My mouth was dry and watering at the same time. “Why not kill her and then name one of the children after her.”

She laughed. “I like the way you think.”

The moment ‘go’ was called, I was sure we’d lose this game. Now ask me if I cared.

Sookie started with wrapping her lips around my chin and it was all downhill from there. She licked and kissed the cream away slowly, moving against me ever so slightly. She had cleared most of the topping from my face, stopping to give my ear a tongue bath, eventually using her tongue to scoop away the last of it then offering to share. Oh god, her mouth was a playground. She still tasted like cherry oil under the cream and I gave her ass a squeeze  and slid my thumbs under the hem of her skirt. She moaned into my mouth and started moving against me more deliberately. Then suddenly she stopped moving and pulled away from my mouth. I felt like I was going to die.

She went back to my ear. “We need to stop before there’s a mess.”

I gave her another squeeze and pulled her closer. “I’m holding up just fine.”

She giggled into my ear, seriously testing my last statement. “You may be, but I’m not.” Oh. Fuck.

I had to clear my throat of the lump. “Sookie, can we leave? I really want to be alone with you.”

“Ask your partner. I think he’s here.”

“What’s he look like?”

“Clean shaven, about 6’3”, linebacker type, about 30, short black hair graying at the temples, cheap blue suit and a look that could kill flies.”

I dropped my head to her shoulder. “That’s him.”

“He’s coming over.”

“Of course he is… Happy Halloween, Asshole.”

“Alright stud, get your knot out of the bitch. We’ve got shit to do.”

Sookie didn’t lean away from me, her body shot away from mine fast enough to give her whiplash. “Excuse me?”

I held her skirt and stood us up while Tara and Sam set up for the next game. “Alcide, your manners are for shit… Sookie, is there a motel he can stay at?”

“Yeah, I hear there’s some really nice ones in Maine. I’m going for a drink, do you want something?” That sounded good to me. He’d probably like Maine.

“Sure. While you’re gone I’ll try to remind him what etiquette is.”

Sookie had barely walked past him when he started in. “Nice trick. I’m surprised a town this small has a red light district.”

I didn’t have the chance to tell him to shut the fuck up before he crashed to the floor. I couldn’t help but laugh when I realized that Sookie had pushed his knee out from under him. I still hadn’t recovered when she leaned over to ‘warn’ him.

“You need to remember yourself. Rule number one of assimilating in a small town: Watch your fucking mouth because we’re all armed and we all know a pig farmer.”

I was laughing my ass off as she stood up and slapped him across the back of the head before she headed to the kitchen. “Alc, man you picked the wrong night to be on your period.”

He started to stand up and looked over his shoulder to make sure she was gone before he started laughing. “You look like you’re having fun.”

“I was having a shit load of fun until you showed up. What the fuck are you doing here? You have kids. You should be peeling them from the ceiling right now.”

“I would be if they both hadn’t come down sick at school. The flu.”

“So you left Amelia at home with 2 sick kids to come hold my hand? You’re a prince among men. How does she put up with you?”

“She doesn’t have to, I’m never home.”

“Nice. So ‘helping’ me was just an excuse to be 5 hours away from your wife?”

Alcide was nodding when Daisy Duke walked over and handed me a damp bar towel with a smile so I wiped my face. “Set a date for the wedding yet?”

I laughed at the look on Alcide’s face and decided to screw with his head. “I was thinking that August would be good so we can be back before school starts, but she said that by then her tan would be too dark and she’d look jaundiced in white.”

Tara laughed and I was very proud of myself for coming up with something plausible. “You’re not going to take her away from us are you?”

“You should know better than to think anyone could make her do something she doesn’t want to do… Tara, this is my best friend Alcide. Alcide, this is Sookie’s BFF.”

I had to bite my tongue to not laugh at the confused look on my partner’s face. I was loving it. And when Sookie came back with drinks, she did nothing but help.

I gave her a kiss when she handed my beer to me. “Hey guys, what’d I miss?”

“Tara was asking about the wedding date, but other than ‘not August’ I don’t know what to tell her.”

“This isn’t a guilt trip is it? I told you I’d look like shit in white with a full summer tan.” Fucking perfect. Not just her answer either.

“Of course not. We just didn’t get the chance to finish talking about it.”

“Well, the spring and summer are busy for you…” How did she know that? “The fall is hectic for me with school. Things calm down by October, we could do it then.”

“You want to wait a year?” This was too much fun and Alcide and Tara were both sold.

“Well I guess Christmas is out of the question then.”

“Unless you’re talking about this Christmas.”

“2 months is NOT enough time to put together a wedding.”

“Sure it is, if we keep it simple.”

Alcide’s mouth was actually hanging open, but Tara started laughing. “Don’t go fightin’ about it. Sookie, you know Sam and I will help. We could get it done by Thanksgiving if you want and you know it!”

Sookie started to giggle again and gave me a look. “Ok. We can talk about it at home. You ready to go?”

As I went to get our coats, I heard Sookie tell Tara (in front of Alc) that the next time her costume came without panties, she’d put cancer in her coffee, but when I came back they were hugging. I’d been right. Just like sisters. I even gave Tara a hug to thank her for the hospitality (and the games).

I held Sookie’s hand as the three of us left. “Alcide, you remember your way back to her house?”

He gave me his usual dirty look. “Yeah it’s in the GPS. You staying there for the night?”

Sookie snorted. “Unless you want to drive 45 minutes towards Shreveport to get to a motel, you’re welcome to stay too.”

“You sure?”

“As long as you promise to NOT act like a festering asshole I’ll clear it with my pimp.” Oh, that got me. I lost it. I let go of her hand and put my arm around her shoulder, partly to keep from doubling over.

Alcide shot me another hairy eyeball. “You deserve that and you know it. Be nice.”

“I am being nice.” That was the sad part.

Thankfully, Alcide had found a parking spot in the other direction of ours, so as soon as I was sure he couldn’t hear me, I started laughing.

“Sookie, you should have seen the look on his face when he went down! It was priceless.”

She started to laugh too. “So you’re not upset with me for knocking him down a peg?”

“No. He needs it. His wife lets him get away with murder. You really ok with him staying at your house?”

She nodded. “Eric, by morning, everyone in Bon Temps will know you as my fiancé. You know that right?”

“Are you ashamed of me?”

She giggled. “No, but you might want to run damage control. By the time we’re back to the house, there are going to be dozens of pictures of you getting serviced by the devil on facebook. Tara and Sam will tag me in every one.”

“Shit, is your family going to be ok? Or will they freak out before you have the chance to explain?”

“No, they’ll be fine with or without the explanation. You should try to get to my dad early though. Otherwise, you’ll get interviewed instead of the other way around.” Good point.

Other than the sudden gasp caused by her bare ass touching the cold seat, the ride back was just too quiet. It was torture. Now that she smelled like cherries and tasted like cinnamon and I’d touched her, kissed her, felt her body, I hoped Alcide would get lost on the way back. I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to talk about something.

“What did Tara mean when she called you ‘Miss Mensa’?”

She snorted. “She’s bitter that she’s still paying off her student loans for LSU and I got the full ride at Vanderbilt.”

“So you are a genius?”

She giggled. “Sometimes.”

“Then why are you teaching at a high school level?”

“I got interrupted. I finished my bachelors in 3 years.  My Gran got cancer while I was in grad school. I came home to help and took a job as a sub at the high school until the next term started. At the time, Bill was having a shit fit about my department head being ‘too friendly’ anyway.”

“So what is your degree in?”I chose to gloss over the bad timing of her grandmother’s poor health and the fact that Bill was projecting his bad behavior. Fucking ass. Neither conversation topic would keep things light.

“Technically I have 2. Poli Sci and History. I’d have three if I hadn’t left mid stroke. I’d taken psych 101 as a freshman elective and liked it so much I started taking more classes for fun. It was working well with my cultural anthropology studies.” Fucking amazing. “Quid pro quo. I tell you things, you tell me things. Not about this case, though. About yourself. How’d you end up a Fed, Clarice?”

When I was done laughing at her Hannibal Lector impersonation, I turned a little to face her. “It snow balled. I wanted to be a cop so I started in criminal justice at a community college, I took my AAS to Berkley for Criminology. I got distracted in the psych department too and ended up with a dual major with a minor in surfing and barhopping.”

“So where did you grow up?”

“Navy brat. My dad was enlisted so we never spent more than 5 years anywhere. My favorites were Dahlgren, that’s by DC, and Yokosuka, Japan.”

She started laughing. “How did YOU enjoy Japan? You’re a giant!… Gud zirrah!” Funny.

“It’s pretty Americanized. The sailors called it Japanland like it was part of EPCOT at Disney.”

She looked over at me long enough to smile. “So where else did you live?”

“Pearl Harbour, but I was too young to remember it. Then… Norfolk, VA… Great Lakes near Chicago… Mayport, Florida… Japan… Then Dahlgren. My Dad retired in San Diego while I was at Berkley. He and my step mom are still there.”

“You an only child?” Interesting that she didn’t ask about my real mother. She glossed over it?

“I have a step sister. She married a sailor and they’re in Bath, Maine right now…  What about your brother? Is he it?”

“Yeah. He’s single and then there’s Tara. We were raised together for the most part. Her home life was pretty rough so she stayed with us a lot until high school and then refused to go home. So my parents got custody.”

“Ok, you and Tara are both teachers, how is your brother a landscaper?”

She giggled. “Snob!” Fine, I admit that it came out wrong. “Jason did that little boy thing. He wanted to be like his daddy and never grew out of it. He’s a volunteer fire fighter just like Daddy too. It’s almost oedipal.”

I inventoried things. She had a normal childhood with decent parents. She has plenty of friends. She’s sexy and funny and smart, not to mention ballsy. Alcide is two of her and she had no problem putting him in his place. The only thing ‘wrong’ with her is Bill. Maybe it’d be fun to jamb him up with a visit from the Computer Forensics Department.

“Sookie, you said that it’s been 2 years since you and Bill split up. How is it that you’re still single?”

“My pimp prefers it that way.” I couldn’t help but laugh and she looked over and winked at me. “Dunno. I don’t mind being on my own. I’m not lonely. I’m surrounded by family and friends. I just haven’t had the urge to go looking for complications. What about you, sexy with the hot Maori tattoo? How is your phone not vibrating out of your pocket with bootie calls?”

“Same here.”

“We don’t have the same pimp, do we?” She hadn’t missed a beat. She made me want to quit my job and move to the sticks.

“No my pimp wears pumps and carries a glock, but I’m like you. I like my job and an empty room doesn’t scream at me. I don’t mind being on my own. My neighbor across the hall has been doing her best to fix that though.”

“Oh really? You have a stalker too?”

“Oh yeah. She’s crazy. She talked the landlord into giving her a copy of my key. She sneaks in and makes my bed, cleans, waters my plants and when I’m home she lets herself in and tells me about the depression and has tried to set me up with every woman for blocks.”

She smiled over at me as we pulled into the drive to her house. “Aww. That’s sweet. Does she cook for you too?”

“I’m never home for meals. Tonight was the first time I didn’t need to leave a tip in ages.”

“You didn’t leave me a tip!?” She was smirking when she winked. Mmmm

“Sorry. I got a little distracted.” Oh. God. Did I ever. I licked my lips as I took her in again.

I watched her reach under her seat and pull out her gun, then slide out of the car. Of course, I was right on her heels.

While she was fumbling for the right key, I hugged my arms around her waist and smelled her again.

She leaned back against me and dropped her hand to my thigh. “Eric, we could both use a cold shower.”

“If we’re both in there, why does it have to be cold?” She started to giggle. That was a huge relief; I was starting to think that she was coming to her senses.

“Your partner can’t be but a couple minutes behind us.”

“I guess you’re right… can I get another kiss, just to tide me over?” Please. Please. Please. Trick or treat?

She turned around to face me and rested her hands on my sides and when my lips were just a breath away from getting what they wanted, she said, “No.”

Oh fucking panic. My heart dropped into my stomach and I just wanted to die. I’d stalled. My body had frozen in place and I really didn’t know where to go from there.

“You don’t need a reason.” Then her lips were on mine and she was pulling our bodies together. As our tongues found each other, she lifted her leg and rubbed her knee along the inside of my thighs. I moaned into her mouth. My hands went to her ass and pressed her to me and her lips left mine to chew their way down my neck. I was seeing spots. Out of breath. Hard enough to cut diamonds. Fuck. I wanted her. Fuck.

“Sookie, I can’t get enough.” She moaned against my neck, lifting herself to wrap around my waist. I managed to find the door knob and nearly fell over the threshold. She giggled against my neck, escalating my need to find a bed. I needed her. I started pulling her coat from her shoulders and let it fall to the floor then she did the same for me, moving onto yanking the jersey off over my head. She lowered her feet to the floor and backed me up to the wall as her mouth made its way down to my chest. Biting. Nibbling. Sucking. Kissing. Clawing. Fuck. OhMYGod! The cool outside air was spilling into the dark foyer making the room both hot and cold as the temperature evened out. The cool met the damp trails her perfect mouth left behind and made my skin ache like every other part of my body.

She worked her way back up to my lips and put her hand between us. She whimpered into my mouth while she stroked my cock. I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t have it in me to wait any more. NEED. My mouth left hers and started trailing down her neck and her hands went to my belt…

“How much for a half and half?” Fuck. Alcide had the worst timing EVER.  I stood up and pounded my head back into the wall.

“I’m putting in for a transfer. I hate you.” That about covered it. I’d sat in the fucking car, waiting for his nooners and quickies enough times. This is how he pays me back. Fuck. Asshole.

Sookie looked over at him and might as well have hissed. “Special Agent Cock Blocker. How nice to see you again and so soon.” I chuckled in spite of my FRUSTRATION.

“How about a little anal?” I’d have shot him right then and there if he wasn’t joking with her and she could tell.

Sookie took a step back and started straightening herself. “Strict policy of one 5-0 per night. Besides, you couldn’t get a hand job from a blind junkie if you had a Braille map to crack on your dick.” She stretched up and gave me a peck. “I’m going to go shower in ice water. Get the prick a beer.”

I groaned as I watched her disappear around the corner, but Alcide took a step to the side and watched her walk all the way back to her room.

“Don’t make me shoot you.” I was dead serious.

He started laughing. “I like her. Where’d you find that?”

I cleared my throat and started picking up our coats. “Around.”

“I want one.” I rolled my eyes at him and took my shirt from the back of the chair and put it back on.

“I’m sure your WIFE would love the shit out of that.”

I handed him a beer and started swilling down mine. “When were you going to tell me you had something going?”

“When you get the invitation to the wedding.”

“Piss ant. Fine. What she like?”

“She’s funny/smart/sexy. She’s from Bon Temps and a teacher at the high school.”

“Nice house for a single teacher.” This prick was interviewing me.

“Her grandmother left it to her.”

“What school did she go to?”

“Vanderbilt.” Thank God I decided on small talk in the car.

“What’s her family like?”

“Tara is the only one I’ve met. We’ve been on the DL.”

“Tara? The black girl dressed like Daisy Duke?”

“Best friends. Raised together, pretty much adopted.”

“Why are you sneaking around?”

“Her ex-husband is a pain in the ass and there isn’t much to do in a small town but gossip.”

“Ex-husband, huh?”

“His name is Bill. He’s a yuppie prick. He bought the house next door to annoy her. Are we done yet?”

The asshole smiled at me. “Sure. Pam will have fun with this too.”

“I’m sure she will.” Fuck. She’ll be even shittier than Alcide.

“Did you bring your laptop?”

“No. I didn’t expect to need it.” I thought I’d be getting home right about now.

“Slacker. You heard that we might have a source where you keep your hump and you blew town without stopping!” Sounds plausible, except of course, for the fact that I hadn’t met her yet.

I smiled at him, making no attempts to deny his version. He really wasn’t a very good cop. “Did you bring yours, Mr. Prepared?”

“Of course I did. It’s in my truck. What good is it here though? Have they heard of the internet?”

What a dick head. Never mind that I was convinced that this place was as bottom of the barrel as they come until I laid eyes on Sookie. That isn’t the point. “Sookie has the internet. Don’t be such an ass.”

When I got to her room, I was happy to see that she’d left the door cracked so I wouldn’t have to knock. I stepped in cautiously and looked around. Her room was nothing like the rest of the house. The living room and kitchen, even the guest room was all country. Red and tan plaid curtains, older furniture with floral upholstery and area rugs, the walls were covered with cross stitching samplers, family photos and candle sconces.

Sookie’s room though, it was a stark contrast. Her queen sized bed sat high atop a captains pedestal and was covered with bright blue and green striped bedding. Her nightstands were both short file cabinets. Her side of the bed was clearly the one by the window since her house phone, and a book were both there with her iPod, docked and playing Lust For Life. Iggy Pop? I wouldn’t have guessed.  She had one wall completely lined with overflowing floor to ceiling book shelves. Her desk was a huge professional L shaped desk stacked high, but neatly with papers. The only thing on her walls was a large flat screen television. Her room looked like any dorm room I’d ever seen, only more tidy and it didn’t escape me that my bag was sitting on the foot of her bed.

I knocked gently on the bathroom door and it opened instantly. Steam spilled out of the room behind her, making her seem ethereal.

She looked up at me and I noticed that even without makeup, she is flawless. “Hello gorgeous. What can I do for you?”

“Speaking of loaded questions…” She smiled at me with no small amount of wickedness. I stole a second to take her in. She smelled like honey. She was wearing a simple white tank top and a pair of baggy black sweat pants that sat low on her hips. She was just as sexy in pajamas as she was dressed like Satan. “You’re wearing MY sweats?”

She raised an eyebrow at me. “I was afraid that this was the closest I’d be to getting into your pants tonight.” Mmmm. Fuck. Normally clothing piracy was a pet peeve of mine, but… Fuck. Ungh.

“He has to sleep some time.”

“Oh! And he will. I’m going to slip him a sleeping pill.” I smiled, completely fine with that.

“We need internet access but your wi-fi is pass coded.”

“How did you explain not knowing it? Did he get an explanation?”

“Hell no. The only thing more fun than being engaged to you is fucking with his cranky ass. I told him that I just use yours.”

“You assumed I have a computer?”

“You said that you’d been facebooking your students.” She smiled up at me.

“Not bad. You always so astute or is it just because you were trying to make a deal with the devil?… 0-1-1-2-3-5-8-13-21-34-55-89-144.”

“That’s your password?”

“Yeah, why? Do you want me to write it down?”

I started chuckling as I shook my head in the negative. The last girl I dated used pinkunicorn8 (her screen name) as her password and would have thought a Fibonacci sequence was a handbag. “Out of curiosity, what’s your screen name?”

“I use two. For my students, it’s ‘sookierox’ but everyone else gets ‘hisantstud’. I’ve had it for years.”

“HIStorical ANThopology STUDent?” She smiled up at me. She was shocked that I got it. “What? Did you think I’d be an idiot because I went to community college?”

“No… I thought you’d be an idiot because you’re so pretty.”

I laughed. “Oh really! So, I guess you have an extra chromosome or two of your own?”

She laughed and gave me a kiss on her way out the door. “That’s me, Corky Stackhouse. Oh blah dee, Oh blah dah, la la la la, Life goes on.”

I laughed as I followed her down the hall and into the kitchen.

I watched her go straight to the fridge and start digging out lunchmeat and the like. “I’m starving, who’s eating?” Alcide was checking out her ass, so I punched his shoulder. The asshole started laughing.

“I’ll eat whatever you offer me.” Fucking pervert.

“Good, I’ll put extra AIDs on your sandwich.” He thought that was hilarious. I did too, but he was under the delusion she was flirting with him.

“So Barbie, how did you and Ken here meet? Was it meet cute?” Ohfuck. fuckfuckfuck. This could bust us on our little joke.

“I was minding my own business, just chatting on the phone when he came over and started flirting. He asked me for some cherry.” That’s where I started chuckling. “It didn’t take me long to get him naked. Before I knew it, we were in the bathroom and clothes were everywhere. One of his boots ended up on the counter if I remember right.” Proud. of. her. And laughing like a mad man

“Huh. What would you say if I asked for some cherry?”

“I’d tell you to keep your filthy fucking come-dumpster shut and remind you that you have a wife and kids at home that don’t have any reason to love your ass, but do anyway.”

Alcide started laughing like crazy. Sookie had her back to him making sandwiches as he pulled a pack of camels out of his pocket and then lit one. Without a second of hesitation, she reached over and took it out from between his lips and put it in the sink, running water onto it. She went right back to making our snack.

“Were you raised by wolves or is your wife so lazy that she let you forget your manners? You ask before you light up in someone’s house.”

The look he was giving her should have burned a hole in the back of her head. He clenched his jaw. “Sookie, would you mind terribly if I smoke?”

She reached up and turned on the exhaust fan over the stove. “See… That’s better. That didn’t hurt you, did it? Go ahead, but only in here. I don’t want my upholstery to stink.”

She looked over her shoulder at me and winked at me while I choked back my amusement.

She put our sandwiches down in front of us and sat down after grabbing us all a fresh beer. “Don’t worry guys, I’ll eat then get out of your hair. I don’t want to interrupt your secret squirrel stuff.”

Alcide grumbled, “Good.” His mouth was full.

She stood up and slapped him across the back of his head. She looked like she was scolding a child. Hell. She pretty much was. “There is one motel in the area. The locals call it the ‘Scabies Inn’. If you can’t dial it back and pretend to have some raising, you’ll find yourself staying at Hotel Sticky Sheet.”

The jerk smiled at her. She leaned over and put the pass word into his laptop. “Here, maybe something shiny will distract you from being such a tool.”

He eyed her for a minute. “Thanks.”  Then he looked over at me. “Ok, so the recent taunts have been coming from this Stackhouse guy’s ISP. But you say that you’re sure that it isn’t Stackhouse.”

Sookie looked a little panicked when her eyes jerked up to meet mine. I shook my head. “It’s not him. You saw his jacket. He’s owned the business for 30 years, wife, family, no priors. Our guy wouldn’t be dumb enough to lead us right to him by using his own computer to tease us.”

“Well, how the hell would he have access to this guy’s computer?”

I shrugged. “That’s why we need to talk to Stackhouse. Retard.”

“Why didn’t you talk to him today?”

“Because when I got to the office, it was closing time and he wasn’t there.”

“Why didn’t you go to his house?”

“Because the receptionist told me that the whole fucking family had the flu. I figured I could wait until morning and go back to the office and spare myself the germs of going into his house.”

“And you thought you could visit your box if you put it off.” Very close to punching him. Very close.

“We just need to get the list of employees with access to the router at his office and then pull their jackets.”

“Yeah, but we can’t do that from here. We’ll have to go to Dallas’s field office and then they’ll want part of the credit.”

Sookie looked at me like she wanted to say something. She was actually biting her top lip. “What is it?”

“I can get it for you?”

“Get what?”

“All of it?” She smiled at me and grabbed her snack. “Come on back. Alcide, bring your lappy with you.”

When we got to her room, she set her food and drink down on her side of the bed and then sat down with a wireless keyboard and mouse.

“What’s the word on breaking the law in order to help federal agents in an investigation?”

I smiled at her. “That depends on what laws you plan on breaking.”

She smiled at me and grabbed the remote to turn on the large big screen and changed the channel until she was at her computer desktop. She laid back on the bed and patted the spot next to her as an invitation. She looked up at Alc. “Don’t even think about it fat head, you get the desk.” She reached over and slid a pair of glasses on and within seconds she was typing faster than I’d ever seen and clicking the mouse like mad. Alcide had been watching the screen but I was watching her hands move.

“How the hell are you in Stackhouse’s computer?”

“It’s called remote desk top. I do their payroll.” She whistled at him and handed him the mouse and keyboard. “The employee files, including a scan of their driver’s license and social security card are right there, and the file named PRBK has spread sheets by day for the hours everyone kept. It has time in/time out as well as the number of hours worked. The guys use the internet in the office all the time, but only before or after work. The time stamps on the emails should help you narrow it down to a crew.”

“Why didn’t you just do this hours ago?”

“You’re welcome, you grumpy bitch. I didn’t know that was why he needed to talk to Stackhouse. We don’t talk about work. Do you want to hear about the war of 1812 from a Sophomore perspective?” I smiled at her. She really was impressive. I also noticed that I felt more comfortable on her bed than I did in my own. “Now hurry up and send the file to your laptop so that I can start hacking my way to these guy’s info.”

I chuckled. “You can do that?”

She shrugged and leaned over to kiss me. “Bill writes computer programs, I learned a few things.”

“No kidding.” I paid no attention at all to Alcide. I was too busy watching Sookie finish her sandwich. I was becoming obsessed with her, wanting to know everything about her.

When Alcide was done, I watched her hands again as they flew over the keyboard and within minutes, our secure login page was on her screen. She got up and handed Alcide the keyboard and mouse again, then took our plates and empties to the kitchen.

I took Alcide’s laptop from him and started going through, one employee at a time, while he looked up each one and sent their info to his computer.  It was nearly 3am and Sookie’s house phone rang.

She looked at the caller ID, furrowed her eyebrows and hit the speaker button.

“Rene? It’s late. What’s going on?”

“I’m sorry Miss Stackhouse. I thought you’d want to know. The Vampire struck again.” Shit. Fuck. Alcide’s head snapped up and he gave me a dirty as fuck look.

“Really? Where? Who?”

“Right here in Bon Temps. They found her behind the Grab It Quick. Her name was Maudette.”

“Listening to your scanner again?”


“Was it like we thought though?”

“Yeah, you should join the FBI or something.” I buried my head in a pillow to keep from laughing too loud. She slapped my leg.

“Nah, they’re too stuffy for me. You keep your ear to the ground though.”

“Yes ma’am. I’m emailing what I have to you now.”

“Good man! Thanks Sweetie. I’ll see you Monday.”

When she hit the button to end the call, Alcide went off.

“You compromised a case!”


“For starters, she’s a Stackhouse.”

“She’s Corbett’s daughter. The man doesn’t know I exist.”

“Fine, but you obviously DO talk about work!”

“You need to slow down! I have NOT mentioned anything about any cases to Sookie!”

“Then what the fuck is she doing tracking the Vampire?”

“I DON’T KNOW! I didn’t get the chance to ask before your period started again!” I looked over at her and even behind her glasses she was breathtaking. Her eyes alone calmed me down from wanting to beat my partner of 3 years ass for thinking I’d fuck up a case by leaking information. “Sookie why ARE you following the Vampire? And who was that guy?”

“I’m not really following the Vampire… It’s a long story, but… Ok, when I took the job at the high school, I was still in full academic withdrawal from pulling out early. I met Rene Lanier when he was a freshman, a senior now. He’s one of those sad lonely goth/emo types. He wears black from his head to his toes. Eyeliner, lipstick, collar, ear plugs, the whole 9 yards. The only music he listens to is dark and tragic. He’s obsessed with death just like most of the type. So… he inspired my project.”

“Your masters work?”

She nodded with a smile. “I’m working it from both angles; psychologically and culturally. The obsession with death is huge with teens. When I first talked to Rene, he had just tried to kill himself, just to see what it felt like. So I thought that his fascination with death could be channeled into something positive. We started with the Full Moon Slasher and then last year…  Geraldine Anderson in Grand Isle then Bethany Cronican in LaRose then Carolyn Humphrey in Thibadaux. I suggested that we start trying to profile the murderers, like playing Clue. With the information he got from the news and internet, he started building his own case file. I started meeting him after school so that he could work things through without anyone judging him and eventually, he brought someone with him. It grew. Now, every Monday I meet with 9 kids just like Rene. They call the club ‘Serial Interrogative’. Together they are helping each other track 4 different killers. We got a lot of resistance at first, school admin & parents, but everyone noticed a change in the kids right away. They were all listless introverts and now… well they’re brighter and more comfortable in their own skin. They aren’t getting bullied anymore. Life is just better for them in general because they found an outlet. Rene actually wants to go to school for Psychiatry now.” Awe. Absolute awe. Amazing.

“So what did you mean by ‘what we thought’?”

“Oh, by the time the Vampire did Linh D’nai in Paincourtville, I saw a pattern.”

Alcide jumped in. I think he’d missed the chance to be rude for too long. “We thought he was working his way north too, but then he started to move around. That was easy to spot.”

She scowled at him. “You’d a better cop if you’d just have your head surgically removed from your ass. There is a very predictable pattern. I’ve known the approximate location of every body based on the way he dumps the one before.”

“Oh really? How about you enlighten me princess.”

“When the vampire dumps a girl, he positions them with an arm out, away from her body. Her arm is pointing to the next place he’ll dump. He takes them from home, cuts their throats THEN rapes them somewhere else then dumps them where they work. He’s only doing girls in small towns who live AND work in that town and he’s doing it alphabetically…”

He interrupted her AGAIN. “What alphabet do you sing?”

“Anderson, Bethany, Carolyn, D’nai… First or last, there isn’t a rhyme or reason but numerically there is. He’s given himself a lot of rules and he hasn’t broken them yet. He’s really disciplined…”

“That’s what that asshole said.” She smiled at me, happy to have an agreeing opinion. “What’s with the numbers?”

“He picks his victims at their birthday party. I went back to old news clips online and all of them mentioned that they recently celebrated a birthday and those poignant ‘final’ photos the news loves to show were all taken at restaurants and bars. The girls were wearing those silly hats, advertising their celebrations. Get those pictures and he’s in them. He took Geri 17 days after her 17th birthday then 17days later was Bethany’s 24 birthday. He took Bethany 24 days later and 24 days later was Carolyn’s 14th birthday. And so on.”

This time, when she stopped talking, he just stared at her for a long moment, so she kept talking. I guess she read him as confused instead of impressed.

“Felicia Lombard in Heflin was pointing northwest. She was taken 19 days after her 19th birthday and found on September 8th, the last victim, was 19 And Maudette was found today making her… 34th birthday the 25th of September. Making any female with an N monogram and December 2nd birthday a target. I’ll even venture to guess up near Cotton Valley since he hasn’t gone north east in a while and he doesn’t leave a 30 mile radius.”

“You know this case better than I do. Why didn’t you contact someone with your theories?”

She looked at him smugly. “It gets the most attention from the group because he’s so active. I emailed the files we started to ‘Special Agent Twining’ who promptly replied that ‘conjecture’ from ‘hobbyists’ was unwelcome. The file is in my Docs named ‘Vampire’ if you want it. It’s my stuff with the kids’ theories too. And a copy of the ‘thank you’ email I got.” Fucking Twining!

“Uh, thanks… Eric, I guess we don’t need to talk to Stackhouse now, but we need to see the coroner in the morning.”

I was about to agree with him when Sookie picked up her phone and started dialing. I listened while she talked to someone named Bud and then hung up. “You have to wait until Monday for pathology unless you want to have someone else come up. Mike is hunting.”

“Who is Mike?”

“Mike Spencer. He’s Bon Temps’ coroner. Bud, the sheriff, says that he went hunting and will be back Sunday night. Maudette, Pickens by the way, will go into the fridge until he’s back. ‘Unless those fucking feds come get ‘er.’ His words, not mine. I’ll take you to the police station around lunch time to introduce y’all if you want. He’ll have the photos and whatnot ready by then. And you can look her over.”

“I guess I’ll go grab a smoke and call Pam and give her an update. She’s going to have Twining’s head mounted on her wall for this.”

“Are you going to tell her I’m ‘fucking a source’?” I wouldn’t put it past him to blame shift and make an issue out of ‘me and Sookie’ to camouflage that 7 agents (including him) missed a pattern.

“No. I’m going to tell her that your fiancé is a fucking brilliant bitch and found a new angle.”

When he was gone, she looked over at me. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear that she was nervous if not scared.

“Sookie, what’s wrong?”

“How pissed is he?”

I laughed. “He wakes up pissed and all you see is relapses.”

“That’s bullshit and YOU know it. He hates his wife and doesn’t want to lose his kids so he deflects so his children don’t see it. How pissed is he that he didn’t notice the pattern?” I hope she didn’t feel sorry for him. He’d been cheating on his wife for more than a year.

“He’ll internalize it because there are 7 of us working it officially that didn’t catch it either. Was it your students that noticed it or you?”

“The kids worked it and found the alphabet pattern and the radius limits before they really brought it to me. The birthdays and posing were a little out of their range though. That was the result of me and Rene binging at Starbucks.” Awe.

I watched her slide my sweats down her legs, revealing a pair of black bikini panties. Ungh. She handed them to me and gave me a wink. “Maybe, if you get ready for bed, he’ll get the hint.” She didn’t have to tell me twice. I was in the bathroom and it took me less than 2 minutes to get undressed and yank my sweats on.

This is what I’d been missing. If her body was a turn on before, learning everything else I had over the course of the night was making me crazy. She isn’t just pretty and smart, she is someone I could talk to and laugh with and fuck. I could see myself enjoying it for a very long time. More crazy than anything, I could see myself missing it when I have to go back.

When I came back, Alcide was still ‘elsewhere’ so I crawled up the bed and hovered over her on my knees. “You think I can get a kiss, Corky?”

She gave me her wicked sexy grin and ran her finger nails down my ribs and slid her fingers into the waistband of my pants. “What would you do if I said ‘no’?”

“Pout.” Maybe even cry, kick, scream or just go and shoot Alcide for interrupting earlier.

“Is a kiss all you want?” Fuck. Sweat. Cum. Fuck.


“What else do you want?” Ungh.

I leaned over to get right up to her ear. “I want to taste every inch of your body. I want to see the look on your face when you cum. I want to fuck you until we both need CPR. But, right now, I want a kiss.” I leaned back to read her expression but she caught me by the back of my neck and pulled our faces together. She pushed her tongue past my lips and ran her hands through my hair. I started looking for the edge of the bedding to pull them down and when I found them she lifted herself by wrapping her legs around my back. With the covers over us she unwrapped her legs and reached down into my pants and ran her palm over the head of my cock in big circles before grabbing it and starting to stroke it slowly. I pushed her shirt up and… Oh. God. They’re perfect. I wrapped my mouth around her nipple; biting, licking, then the other while my hand went down to find that she was dripping. Hot. Wet. Fuck… Sweet. Jesus. I slid a finger in and thumbed her clit. She bucked and whimpered under me and I wanted to shove into her so bad, I felt like I’d die if I didn’t get to.

“Eric, let me up.” Fuck. NO. Shit! She spooked? I moved over and dropped to the bed. Fucking Hell! I rolled over on my back, covering my face with a pillow and considered eating a bullet while she launched out of the bed. What. The. Fuck? I was trying to figure out what I’d done wrong when she came back to bed, took the pillow and started kissing me again, then working down my throat.

“Sookie? What happened?”

She pulled away enough for our eyes to meet. “My pimp doesn’t let me ride bareback.” She held up a ribbon of condoms and I could have died laughing.

“I thought I’d done something wrong.”

“Not a thing.” She rolled over and pushed her panties down and kicked them off into the bed and then rolled over to meet me half way to pick up where we left off. Her mouth drifted down my neck. Nipping. Licking. My chest. Scratching. Sucking. My ribs. Tickling. Blowing. She adjusted the blankets and completely disappeared under the covers. She grabbed me by the base of my dick and then wrapped her lips around it. Heaven. I had to bite the inside of my mouth to keep myself quiet. She buried my cock deep in the back of her throat and my hands could only grab at the sheets and hold on for dear life.

When I heard footsteps coming down the hall, I had no patience and no intentions of stopping again. “Mother fucker, one more step and I WILL kill you.” Sookie started to giggle while I was still in her mouth and I couldn’t take it anymore. I reached down and put my hands to the sides of her perfect face to pull her up. Fuck she’s beautiful. I went right back to kissing her and grabbed for the rubbers.

When I slowly pushed into her, her back arched and she moaned. I thought I was going to lose it right away. Soft. Tight. Hot. Slick. Perfect. Oh. MY. God. We started slow, but it didn’t take us long to get… wilder? Unbridled? Crazed? I’d never been so sweaty, breathless, turned on before and I wanted to die inside her. Fuck. She moaned and whimpered and gasped and her teeth rattled when she came, tightening down on me every time. No matter the position or speed. When she was on top, she moved her hips like she was dancing. Pushing. Grinding. Pumping. Oh Fuck. She knew how to be in control. When I was on top, she was just as hot. Responsive. Vivacious. Inventive. Her face was perfect when she came; euphoric, pained and feral. And every time those sweet little muscles flexed and twitched around my cock, I thought of a reason to never leave this bed.

It almost felt like we spent hours catching our breath, but I rested with my head on her stomach while I recovered. The sun was starting to come in through the window while she ran her fingers through my hair and across my shoulders until I drifted off.




8 thoughts on “Chapter 2: Pimps & Hos

  1. So Rene isn’t the killer this time around? And Sookie is genius smart. (She had common sense, but I’m taking it your Sookie won’t be needing a word-of-the-day calendar) Keeping me on my toes. I like it.

    I love the “kill her and name a kid after her” comment.

  2. Genius!!!! From the party games to clipping Alcide to E telling him he’d kill him if they were interrupted again! This funny whitty and fun to read. I love it!

    • I couldn’t agree more. The whole chapter was absolutely perfect. Love this Eric and Sookie. I like that this Sookie is smart and an equal to Eric.

  3. Fan-Freaking-Tasic!

    I don’t know what I could say, that other’s haven’t already said, throughout all your stories, but, whether the first time or the tenth or hundredth time reading this. It continues to awe!

    Thank you for sharing such amazing talent!

  4. I’ve just recently started reading AH stories and I’m glad I did. This story is wonderful. The sexual buildup and tension was CRAZY

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