Đǽđ Ŧïяєđ: In case you were wondering…

In case you had any questions about Sookie and Alcide’s baseball jokes, I thought I’d give you the rules of Baseball as a metaphor for sex…

According to UrbanDictionary.com (bored losers like me who go online and define slang because we have nothing better to do) this is the gospel…

  • Going up to bat: Attempting
  • Bullpen: Foreplay
  • 1st base: French kissing
  • 2nd base: Above the waist
  • 3rd base: Below the waist
  • Home Run: Sex
  • Grand Slam: Four times in twelve hours
  • Foul Ball: Ass sex
  • Strike out: Not getting it up
  • Line Drive: One night stand
  • 10 Run Rule: Finishing on your own
  • Pop fly: Stealing virginity
  • Bunt: Pre-mature ejaculation
  • Gapper: Easy lay
  • Bases loaded: Threesome
  • Third base coach: The person who’s filmming
  • Stealing bases: Rape (rape is bad)
  • Double/Triple play: Multiple Orgasms
  • Cup: condom
  • Steroids: Birth control
  • Error: No Orgasm
  • Broken Bat: Broken dick
  • Extra Innings: Four times in a row
  • Bench Warmer: Peeping Tom
  • Bat boy: Fluffer
  • Field: Heartshaped bed
  • Dugout: Back seat of a car

As far as I have heard the above euphamisms hold true, however there is some debate as to the accuracy of the above bases. I called my brother to confirm (since i am old and forget more easily….. oohh squirrell!… where was I… oh yeah) He confirmed that indeed the above is a more ‘outdated’ description.

As we remember it:

1st base= French
2nd base=Feel
3rd base=Finger
home run=Fuck

My brother also asked to be quoted…

I concur… Have a blessed day, unless you’re a yankees fan…

Then you can just shit in your hat.

Kiss kiss

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