In case you had any questions about Sookie and Alcide’s baseball jokes, I thought I’d give you the rules of Baseball as a metaphor for sex…

According to UrbanDictionary.com (bored losers like me who go online and define slang because we have nothing better to do) this is the gospel…

• Going up to bat: Attempting
• Bullpen: Foreplay
• 1st base: French kissing
• 2nd base: Above the waist
• 3rd base: Below the waist
• Home Run: Sex
• Grand Slam: Four times in twelve hours
• Foul Ball: Ass sex
• Strike out: Not getting it up
• Line Drive: One night stand
• 10 Run Rule: Finishing on your own
• Pop fly: Stealing virginity
• Bunt: Pre-mature ejaculation
• Gapper: Easy lay
• Bases loaded: Threesome
• Third base coach: The person who’s filmming
• Stealing bases: Rape (rape is bad)
• Double/Triple play: Multiple Orgasms
• Cup: condom
• Steroids: Birth control
• Error: No Orgasm
• Broken Bat: Broken dick
• Extra Innings: Four times in a row
• Bench Warmer: Peeping Tom
• Bat boy: Fluffer
• Field: Heartshaped bed
• Dugout: Back seat of a car

As far as I have heard the above euphamisms hold true, however there is some debate as to the accuracy of the above bases. I called my brother to confirm (since i am old and forget more easily….. oohh squirrell!… where was I… oh yeah) He confirmed that indeed the above is a more ‘outdated’ description.

As we remember it:

1st base= French
2nd base=Feel
3rd base=Finger
home run=Fuck

My brother also asked to be quoted…

I concur… Have a blessed day, unless you’re a yankees fan…

Then you can just shit in your hat.

Kiss kiss